Parents of Oxbridge applicants for 2013

[Thowra]

Anybody else have DC applying for Oxford or Cambridge at the moment? DD submitted her UCAS into school on friday for checking. There are only two applying in her year. Trying to keep her feet (and mine) on the ground as she has fallen completely in love with Oxford and the college she is applying to, but realistically we know she's more likely to be rejected than not. She's got the grades, but I don't know if she's got enough confidence to carry off the interview. All the uni's she has applied to look fantastic, though, so we'll wait and see.

[Yellowtip]

word since she hasn't started to consider Oxford, you should get her to look into the History of Art course at Cambridge too. It has twice the number of places apart from anything else.

[wordfactory]

Oh thank you for the heads up yellow.

I've also really enjoyed the discussion about pushy parenting (vis a vis education). I've always hugely enjoyed being involved in my DC;s education and have high expectations of them. However they often just laugh at me .

[MordionAgenos]

@word that sounds a little familiar. My DCs treat me like someone who belongs in a home for the bewildered most of the time. Last week, I was away, in a different time zone, and I got a text to ring DD1 so I nipped out of my meeting, all flustered and worried, and rang home, and she wanted to tell me what she got in her English CA (I think it was shakespeare. But I'm not 100% sure, she didn't even tell me she was doing it till she'd done it, so....). So I was all 'oh how great, how brilliant, marvellouswonderfulterrific got to go, bye.....' and she was all 'didn't you expect me to get that then? Do you think I'm thick or something?' You can't win as a parent.

[Copthallresident]

My Mum who was Deputy Head and in charge of pastoral care always said that if DCs were cheeky, pushed at the boundaries and made fun of their parents that was usually a good sign. They were sure of their love. It was when they did everything their parents asked, and were anxious in their presence she had to worry.

Doesn't stop her telling me I get far too giddy with them, let them get away with far too much and would never have spoken to her like that (she forgets!!)

[wordfactory]

copthall I can only dream of my DC doing as I ask without question .

[Sympathique]

Saw this is the Grauniad (sorry if I've missed it posted above)
www.guardian.co.uk/education/datablog/2012/oct/11/how-hard-is-it-to-get-into-oxbridge
Applicants (note I don't say parents!) are told NOT to play the numbers game when selecting colleges and I guess the same applies here.

Also, the Mary Beard webchat reminded me of this, should any of your DCs be lucky/unlucky enough to be put in the Cambridge winter pool
timesonline.typepad.com/dons_life/2011/01/page/2/
(Go to the second entry, "Mr Willetts...")
I think someone has already posted the article based on the Churchill College application process? Together they convey that the process is human, and they do make an effort to give places to students they think will get most from the course - but there is so much cream to pick from. The three artciels together indicate that state school students really should have a go if they want and not be frightened off. The selectives and independents (teachers, pupils - and parents if they listen) have an advantage in that they really know it's a bit of a lottery because they've seen so many apply, and don't pin their hopes on a lone pupil or two; one of my DCs, convinced she'd blown it, was most worried about letting her teachers down, though I reassured her they'd have seen it all before!

[Sympathique]

Copthall Ah - penny just dropped. That's why they like pupils along with parents at parents' evening. It must tell them a lot!

[Copthallresident]

That, and the vicarious pleasure of watching parents being treated as if they are a huge embarassment, and belong in home for the bewildered. They probably long to tell some parents they belong in home for the bewildered!!

[Yellowtip]

Mordion if you know a decent local Home for the Bewildered do please PM me. My DC have long been making their plans .... (including threatening to cut off my buzzer to the HftB nurses unless I comply a bit more).

[Sympathique]

Mmm, I really shouldn't derail the thread, but that does smell of 'them and us'. A lot of teachers are parents too and will themselves be in the parent-teenager relations minefield. And some parents are actually quite grown up good at coping with their growing children, and listen to them and respect their views. Of course, you are probably be referring only to the ones (few/many, I'll agree to differ) that aren't. I'd forgotten the power of being able to embarrass them - the only weapon parents of teenagers have!

[Yellowtip]

It's happening all over Sympathique, the de-railing of threads :) (especially ones featuring Pissheads and Tumultuous Sex ).

[Sympathique]

Really? Ooh cripes, I think I'd better hide on here

[MordionAgenos]

@yellow It's not me, guv. The big girls did it. and ran away.

[MordionAgenos]

anyway I don't think this thread has been derailed at all I think we are making very valuable points from a position of some knowledge (obviously you have far better ad more current knowledge than I do).

[cinnamonnut]

Getting so impatient, I want an offer!

I know it'll be a while but I can't help but hope

[Copthallresident]

I think we are into the territory of misunderstandings again, I was being facetious, I am sorry. I don't see it as two bipolar worlds at all. My mentor as a parent is teacher and fellow parent of a teen, she frequently gives me the backbone to act on my instincts. However I do empathise with what they sometimes have to deal with. I know you have not seen it at your school but at DDs' primary it all seemed such a wonderful positive community until a friend became the receptionist there and discovered the dark side.... It did feel that when DD1 started school that there was a conspiracy between teachers and pupils to keep parents out. I thought that was healthy, that it was their world, not mine, their own community they could be proud of and which would enable them to be exposed to different influences and develop their individuality. A lot of parents had their noses out of joint about it, and have been trying to stick them in ever since, and the worst, is a teacher!

[wordfactory]

Not remotely derailing. I could listen to yellow yap about universities all day ....does that make me sad?

[Copthallresident]

cinnamonnut I might be able to arrange it if you fancy a change of direction, we do do Law but as with everything else we do it is not Law as you know it

[Sympathique]

Copthall Sorry I'm very dim and didn't pick up the humour! RE: "It did feel that when DD1 started school that there was a conspiracy between teachers and pupils to keep parents out. I thought that was healthy, that it was their world, not mine, their own community they could be proud of and which would enable them to be exposed to different influences and develop their individuality. A lot of parents had their noses out of joint about it..."

You have caught me: I would probably have been in the hacked off camp! 5 years' old, for goodness sake. That said, DCs' primary kept parents at a distance and I was happy, so maybe not; but the head was v approachable - tho' on reflection that was very clever strategy. Maybe we all need that forced separation treatment. Only other thing (!) I'd say is that if DCs get the idea of it being right to exclude/ignore parents at that age, it means they're kicking at their first authority figures at a very young age - how does that bode for future attitudes to authority? It's a preciously short time that DCs look up to all adults. All too soon one is faced with trying to explain some piece of outrageous adult behaviour to them without criticizing the adult. At other end of school attitude, one of DCs' secondary schools was very inclusive of parents and saw it as a 3-way partnership. Lines were clearly drawn (one never went in unless invited and complaints little Esmerelda was not being appreciated for her genius not appreciated) but their attitude helped to preserve DCs respect for parents as adults and not just a nuisance. I think it's quite an unusual attitude in a school, and perhaps that's significant.

[funnyperson]

copthall we watch 'Love Actually' every Christmas and watched it twice in ucas year. DD put it on when her new Oxford friends slept over crammed into the old playroom and none of the boys had seen it!

cinnamonnut a very nice boy came to do the 'law talk' at DS school, he said he was given some problems to discuss at the interview; there was no right or wrong answer apparently, they were looking for someone who could see more than one side to the issues.

One of the difficulties about being from an ethnic minority btw is that the default assumption from all parties, including one's own DC , who have the concept of the tiger asian mum fed into them on all sides by the media, is that one must be a helicopter or a tiger mum. The problem is that culturally I find it impossible to not speak to my dc at least every other day, and at least once a week I will mutter something on the lines of 'good, better, best: never let them rest.... etc'. Luckily both of them have failed at something or another at least once so they know I stick by them whatever.

[funnyperson]

PS I like hearing that there is a wonderful buzz around science. I think this is true for me but its so lovely to hear someone else saying it is true for the student body.

[Yellowtip]

'Yap'? Well yes I suppose fair comment :( Thanks word.

cinnamonnut it's October 11th! Chin up. Have you done the LNAT yet? I'm guessing from your apps that you've got lots of A*s. So possibly Durham too will wing in along with Exeter with a nice early offer. It takes a few days for your app to get through the admin at UCAS in any event. Fab new build of a Law Dept in Durham: a very very good fall back to Oxford with a good deal less stress!

[funnyperson]

Mine sometimes accuse me of wanting to go to university btw. 'Hands off my modules, they're mine, I want to choose what i'm interested in , not what you think is best' , type of thing when I run my nosy eyes down the module list and point out ones I think look really interesting.

But I don't. I have had my time and enjoyed it thoroughly. I think there is more pressure on these young ones: higher debts, higher grades to get, fewer jobs, more bewildered relatives surviving to peer over their shoulders. Internet meaning there is less privacy about how their peers live their lives.

Equally, though the opportunities for research, even in the humanities, are amazing due to the internet, and the whole world of libraries and sources are suddenly at their fingertips.

[Yellowtip]

funny when my littlest is off I'm either going to try to go back to university to do the degree I wish I'd done at the outset or I'm going to live on my pretty Scottish island. I'm still completely in two minds as to which. I need to be accessible to the GDC (for my own indulgence obv., not theirs - I'll most likely annoy them by yapping). Not sure which option would facilitate that most. I've some years yet to decide.

[MordionAgenos]

I've just sent the last hour imessaging with DD1 in competition with CH DS and Dd2 who were all imessaging her too at the same time as watching merlin and discussing it. Dd1 is in Dunkirk on a school trip (complete waste of time and money as far as I'm concerned but there you go I wasn't required to approve it merely pay for it). So anyway, I can understand the constant contact thing - I'm very techy myself, and the thought of not being in as a minimum daily text/iMessage/twitter contact with my kids, husband and a few select friends would be very hard. On the other hand I can't imagine ever being consulted on module choices. I do sometimes get consulted on repertoire issues but that's because I've got lots of stuff anyway and because of my deep knowledge of showtunes for the singing stuff. But that's it - I'm not sure whether my opinions would be unwelcome but they are certainly not needed.

I also understand about erroneous public perceptions stemming from heritage. :(