Preparing an 11yr old for periods - how best to do it?

[mears]

Am thinking of practicalities here. Should she have a little bad with spare pants and a sanitary towel incase it starts at school or if she is out somewhere? What sanitary towels are good for girls starting - I use Always with wings but they are too big for her.
She has expressed a worry about it starting at school because she has a male teacher and wouldn't want to tell him. Some of her friends have started their periods so I don't want her to get caught out. Equally I don't want to get her wound up about it. Advice from mums who have girls who have been through this stage needed

[pinkwhistle]

Oh dear, nine seems so young...dd is 8. She knows the basics as I have always answered her questions when she has seen me with tampons etc. But she's just a little girl! I will check out that site, too. Thanks Mothernature. I think the main reason girls worry about getting their period is just the hassle and "mess", more than the embarassment part of it.

It's a pretty huge thing in a girl's development. I think there should be some sort of ritual celebration around it, instead of trying to hush it up or hide it. Maybe just with mother and daughter. What do others think? Any ideas?

[highlander]

Mears, I've seen Always pads that say something about Teens on them. I used them at the very end of the lochia.

[Tortington]

i think a pantyliner would be enough - tell her if she is very worried that she can take her jumper of and put if round her waist until she gets to a bathroom - theres always the good old toilet roll trick in an emergency.

i told my daughter ages ago when she was little - well i told all my kids at the same time, now its nothing they bother about i dont have to worry about leaving pads on the toilet or having to flush twice and leave toilet roll in the loo incase one of the boys come in - its natural - its a part of me and nothing to be ashamed about. i dont want my daughter to feel its dirty secretive or shameful - therefore i have told her when she starts her period she is officially becomming a lady - therefore a new outfit from head to toe will be in order - consequently - she cant wait!!

[yoyo]

Hadn't thought that much about the weight factor. DD is average I suppose so it hasn't been a concern. Thinking about it now though I suppose I did develop "puppy fat" (ugh - what a horrible term) at around the time it all started to happen. I wonder if you put on weight as babies do, i.e. lay down a bit of fat then have a growth spurt? I just can't remember. I'll mention it at the appointment (if the date ever comes through).

[suedonim]

Yes, I can well imagine you'd like a another carefree summer, Yoyo. It seems so young, doesn't it? That's interesting about growth and height. My sis didn't start until she was about 17 and she's 5ft 10, so maybe she went on growing for longer than most? Certainly, with my older children's peers I've noticed that those who grow tall early on (say at 11-12yo) seem to end up shorter than others whose growth spurts are later on, (around 13-15yo). Not everyone, of course, but just a tendency.

Another thing I'd always understood was that periods don't usually occur until a girl reaches about 6st in weight (I think in anorexic women periods stop when they go down to less than 6st) so I'd be intested to know if there's any truth in that. I get the feeling that the Dr's don't really know much about puberty, tbh!!

[yoyo]

I don't think being tall is the indicator for early periods. Being tall with pubic and underarm hair together with breast development is though. There is certainly a connection between the amount you are likely to grow after your periods have started - it is for this reason that my DD has been referred. The consultant we were seeing asked her if she would be happy at my height (just about 5' 4") but I have been this height since I started secondary school. I was considered tall and then everyone caught up and most grew taller! My sister is 3" shorter and again was this height at 11 years.

Suedonim - my DD's breast development is behind that of pubic hair. She is developing breasts and the changes are becoming more obvious but her pubic hair is, I'm sad to say, like that of an adult. When assessed she was considered to be within normal limits (just). I am keeping my fingers crossed that she will at least have one last Summer where she can enjoy being a child without the burden, at her age, of dealing with periods.

[frogs]

I don't think the growth thing can be quite as cut and dried as the doctors make out. Our GP has been muttering for a while about how we should expect early puberty with dd1 because she's so tall. But she's very like me -- I had reached most of my adult height by 13, but having grown so fast I was very skinny and didn't start my periods till I was nearly 15. Most of my female relatives are pretty tall too, and no-one said they'd started before age 13. I suspect the reason is that if you grow very tall early on, it takes a while to fill out to the point where periods can start.

Perhaps the reverse is true as well -- that growth can continue after periods have started?

[suedonim]

I took my 8yo to the dr as she is developing 'up top'. The dr was very good and even contacted me later on after she'd researched it a bit more throrughly. She said that as long as it's just breast development with no other signs such as hair, then it isn't precocious puberty. Once they are 9yo it's not longer considered precocious puberty but a normal event. I too was concerned about the growth aspect but I'm assuming that if they start periods when they are 9 or more, their growth will continue as normal? I sincerely hope dd doesn't start yet-a-while, she's still very childlike.

[Mothernature]

I spoke to my dd about periods when she was about 9, she had a friend who was a couple of years older, she had already started hers, my dd asked me and I gave her as much info as I could,when my dd went to secondary school within a couple of months someone from a Sanitary Co; called in, she had an afternoon with the girls, she explained about the choice of different towels they could use, informed them of things to look for happening on their own bodies, gave them books and leaflet to read answered any questions they may have been embaressed to ask their own parents, the boys spent the afternoon with a male member of staff who informed them about similar things that would be happening to them, I found this great, my mum did not tell me and it was a shock when it did happen, I have always tried to be as open and as honest as possible with information they have sought, it didn't come naturally I can assure you, but I can say we have got through it so far with no problems. {fingers crossed}

[yoyo]

Mothernature - thanks for that link. I will explore it later and perhaps then look at it with DD.

[yoyo]

Apparently once you start your periods your growth slows down dramatically. You don't stop growing completely but don't get much taller (this was the case for both my sister and I). This is why if you start growth hormone treatment it has to be done before your periods start (puberty is essentially delayed until you catch up in height). We are seeing another consultant soon (10 month delay because of admin cock-up) or, at least I am told we will. The consultant we have been seeing hoped that my DD would not start until she was 10 but I am doubtful - he did say that the physical development can be out of line with the hormonal though. I am sure that I had monthly cramps before mine started (growing pains as my mother called them) so am being vigilant. She already has spots and I remember them appearing at about the same time. Parenting can be so tough sometimes.

[frogs]

A girl in the year above my dd1 started in Y5, and all the junior girls knew about it, as she left the evidence lying about in the bathrooms for all to see. Dd1 and her friends were surprisingly mature about it (bearing in mind they were then Y4 themselves) and although it did spark quite a few very detailed questions, there wasn't any hysterical silliness over it.

Unbelievably, before that incident, there was no provision for girls who had started their periods. Now I believe there is, but I don't know what. I'll ask dd1 tonight. At our school the kids are allowed to bring bags in, so taking in a discreet package with pads wouldn't be a problem. I hadn't actually thought about that aspect of it (dd1 is quite a young Y5, and has the build of a stringbean, so probably not going to be an issue for a while). I'll ask her tonight what she thinks. But if her school banned them from bringing in bags, I would approach the headteacher directly and point out the problems this might cause. Chances are, they haven't even thought about it from that point of view. Alternatively, if they have to leave a PE kit bag at school, they could keep a little package in there for all eventualities.

I find it really hard to understand why the schools don't do a session for all children when they're in Y3 or Y4, so that everybody is at least equipped with the facts. And yes, birdsong, FWIW I think you should have the periods/pregnancy/sex conversation some time quite soon. You may be surprised to find that she already knows some of it, but there's a lot of misinformation floating around school playgrounds, so it's worth getting there first with some proper facts.

[Mothernature]

I found this a good site

[mears]

DD was screened when she was just over a year and a half old because she had prominent breasts. She had a scan of her ovaries as well as blood tests but all was well. Her breasts disappeared when she was about 3yrs. I raed of girls starting periods from the age of 5 yrs. I am tall and like you was the tallest in the class. DD is smaller than a number of girls in her class. If she does not actually start her periods for a while yet, will that mean that there will be less concern about her growth? Interestingly my DS3 is very small for his age in comparison to his 2 brothers. The GP looked for signs of puberty but all was wwell. My DH is slightly smaller than me and his parents are small so we think he is just taking after his Dad. Same for DD.

[yoyo]

She was diagnosed at 8 having had blood tests and an x-ray to check bone development. The puberty is much less of an issue than the growth - she is of average height whereas I towered above my peers at her age.

[mears]

When was she diagnosed yoyo? 9 years old is not really excessively young. I thought precocious puberty was daignosed in girls younger than 7 yrs.

[yoyo]

Mears - my DD will be 9 soon and has been diagnosed with precocious puberty so this is very much an issue for me. Did your daughter ever mention girls at primary having started early? My daughter knows all about it but hates being "different" and so we haven't discussed the practicalities too much. I know I will have to send her with something soon but she isn't allowed to take anything other than a book bag so will have to overcome that hurdle too. She is also dreading swimming because she doesn't want the other girls to see her body. It is very sad. I started early as did my sister (usually a familial trait) but I was more mature than her and my school was tiny so no swimming or PE (I do remember once doing a handstand wearing a dress and someone shouting "your knickers are brown"!! A mortifying experience).

Sorry, didn't mean to go on. Hope someone gives that book title as it would be so useful.

WigWamBam - as you started so early did it have any effect on your height?

[beachyhead]

At my dd school all year 6 girls have to bring in a bag with pads in. That way, no-one differentiates between those who have started and those who haven't. I think it is a really good plan. I would ask someone at the school when they talk to the girls, whether they have any emergency supplies etc, so at least you feel more comfortable.

[birdsong]

That sounds awful - I suppose an initial chat and I suppose once we have talked about it once and explained the biologh etc I can chat with her about friends etc and just a little reminder every so often. Sorry mears I suppose I need as much advice about this as you.

[birdsong]

My dd goes swimming this year and next.
Having 3 siblings its hard to get a chance to talk alone but will persuade her to walk dog with me and talk to her.

[RTKangaMummy]

Oh dear

That is hard then if they cant talk to each other.

Perhaps as more of them start they will be happier to talk about it.

Sorry dont have any tips but the make-up bag idea is a good one.

[mears]

Girls don't want to. DD came home and said her friend was very upset because someone told another girl that she had started her periods.

[RTKangaMummy]

Good about not swimming cos that would be even more embaressing for her.

I cant remember mine

Do you mean the friends dont want to talk or the teachers dont want them to? {being very dim today}

[mears]

will ask her starlover