Christmas Eve:
run round like headless chicken, realise kids have not eaten, throw fish fingers under grill, three hours later realise we have not eaten (other than bits of left-over fishfinger drowned in ketchup), order Chinese take-away, open a bottle of wine and swear we'll only have the one glass each...
Christmas day:
smoked salmon and scrambled eggs never happens, though I do manage to neck down a glass of champagne (hair of the dog) before bunging the turkey in two hours later than planned. Prepare enough vegetables to feed 17, even though there are only 6 of us. Kids realise at 11 that they have not had breakfast so I give them something out of their selection boxes and I start on the mulled wine. Eventually sit down to eat...by which time I am so tipsy I do really well to carry the turkey to the table without dropping it.
Several hours later someone (usually my Dad) will maintain that he is a bit peckish - but doesn't want much..."just a sandwich."
I will take this a cue to load the table with all manner of buffet foods - the smoked salmon we didn't eat for breakfast, cold meats, salad, crusty bread, finger foods, cheese board. No-one will want any of this and will just pick at it in a lacklustre fashion. My Dad will have a turkey sandwich.
Boxing Day: All the party food will come out again. For breakfast, lunch and dinner. We will eat lots of turkey sandwiches.
The Day After Boxing Day: I will get sick of the turkey carcass loitering in my fridge and make curry. And soup. I will (like I do every year) think that maybe next year I will just get a turkey crown...or maybe beef...or a goose (we've never had a goose).
And next year...we will do exactly the same, all over again