feelilng so guilty about this

[TheArmadillo]

SO I have generalised anxiety and paranoid halluncintations/delusions under stress. I take anti depressant and anti psychotics. Cannot work atm and am completely reliant on dh. Also 34 weeks pregnant with dc2. DH at home full time with me as unemployed.

Dh wants to go into town for a couple of hours one day for a break - he hasn't really had a break in 3 months as I cannot do being on my own for any length of time. Can do up to an hour or so on a good day. Bad day I struggle for 30 mins while dh does school run.

Today he has taken ds to drs then school and then has gone to dentist to collect prescription (dh has problem with his teeth - in a lot of pain). Yesterday I managed to take ds to school by myself so dh could run to pharmacy as had run out of painkillers (at my suggestion). But it really has taken it out of me.

I'm trying to pretend to be normal and do normal things, but it is ahrd work and exhausts me completely. Today is just too much. But dh could really do with a break and I feel horrendously guilty for not letting him have a couple of hours off. He won't push for it if I say no and willtell me not to feel guilty. But I feel bad at how much pressure this all puts on him as it is. I can't even look after ds alone.

Dh is the only person I really trust atm so can't really rely on anyone else to babysit me.

Words can't describe how guilty nad awful I feel about this and the whole situation.

[SmellyBill]

No problem, hope it all works out.

I also meant your not you're in my first post

[TheArmadillo]

My MIL has a lot of experience filling in these kind of things so will ask her.

Have read through the form. Will see if I can get one sent out.

Thanks for your help

[SmellyBill]

They are confusing it with the old Incap benefit (think that is ESA now). Do get some help filling them in (I did for my son with ASD and I once worked in a jobcentre so no stranger to form filling!)

[colditz]

It's incapacity you can'[t claim, not DLA. You can still claim DLA (I think, don't quote me)

[TheArmadillo]

wonder why they said that - just had a look at the notes accompianying the form and it clearly states you can claim whether working or not.

How bizarre.

[TheArmadillo]

Thanks for that information. They told us we couldn't claim if I was officially working.

Will look into that then (only 2 1/2 months of the really disabling stuff atm so will get forms to fill in in another couple of weeks).

Worth a shot.

[SmellyBill]

The jobcentre have given some incorrect advice there. You can claim DLA as an employed person if you're condition has been present for 3 months and is expected to last at least 6 further months. Hopefully things will improve for you soon, but if they don't do consider applying (and get help from a charity/CAB to fill them in).

Hope you manage to get some support in the meantime.

[PiggyMad]

Just seen this armadillo and hope you are feeling a bit better. Hope mil can help you and dh out so you both get a break before baby is here xx

[TheArmadillo]

Can't claim dla as I'm officially working (though on maternity leave) as I can't claim it I therefore can't access help with other stuff. Dh discussed it with jobcentre.

Don't want to give up my job as I do really get a lot out of it and its a good job so it makes everything difficult. Hopefully by the time I've finished maternity leave I will be in a fit state to go back to work (who have been really good throughout this whole thing).

[cestlavielife]

you may be able to calim DLa if long term thing? also contact SS for some help and support eg direct payments for you to pay someone you chose?

try care agencies like cross roads locally?

and midwife/future Health visitor for sure start schemes with volunteers

[TheArmadillo]

Thanks

I am fighting this as best I can. But now am worried (and dh is worried) about me pushing too hard and making myself worse. WE will speak to MIL about babysitting me and ds so dh can have a break.

At the moment everyone is hoping it will ease a bit when baby is born, but we don't know. However at least there will be more medication options if it does get worse.

The most frightening part is the paranoid stuff or sometimes I just get really confused and end up not knowing who I am or what's going on.

Unfortunately carers are out of our budget. We do have friends and dh's family (who are very lovely) and will have to ask them for help I think.

[orangeflutie]

Am sorry to hear you're feeling so awful at the moment and probably pregnancy hormones aren't helping. Is there any way you or your DH could contact say a care agency? Someone could come round maybe once or twice a week to look after you and give your DH some respite. Hope you can get some help soon.

[paddypoopants]

Yup, dentist visits, doctors visits were all a nightmare. You do feel totally drained. The best thing to do is try and do a little bit a day rather than a huge thing. So even if your dh left the house for 1/2 hour a day and then up it a bit - you will eventually realise that nothing will actually happen when you're on your own and if it does he can come back.

Doing too much can be counterproductive. It is exhausting and I agree not knowing when you are going to feel better is the worst bit. But I feel I lost a couple of years of my life not pushing myself enough. I found hypnotherapy helped a bit. I went for a couple of sessions and then I did it at home.

It's different for you as you're pregnant and I'm sure that might be making your anxiety a lttle worse.
Good luck with the dentist tomorrow. I don't know if it helps but there are loads of people out there who feel the same.

[TheArmadillo]

Thank you

I think part of the problem is not knowing when I'll be better. NO one can give you an answer.

Me and dh have been coming up with plans so that we have someone to look after me and ds and dh can go off for a bit.

He is going to phone his mum tonight to see if he can arrange something. I'm fine with MIL as I actually do trust her, though not as much as dh.

I have been trying to push myself and not give into it all, but after a couple of days of pushing myself really hard I am just mentally exhausted from it all and have nothing left. I think I did too much tbh and will have to tone it down a bit. Am doing nothing for the rest of the day as have dentist tomorrow and getting there is stressful as it is.

[paddypoopants]

I feel for you. I had all sorts of problems with anxiety years ago after a virus affected my balance system and I had terrible problems with vertigo. I became very anxious and hated being left on my own. My husband couldn't stay at home so I had to find coping mechanisms. Mostly I had to remind myself constatntly he was only a phone call away. That if I needed him he would down tools and come home. Then I just had to use distraction techniques if I was feeling really bad - like setting myself some sort of cleaning or sorting task to do so I wouldn't think about it. Even watching a film to fill a couple of hours.

I am much better now but it took ages. I found if I made my dh do something to avoid me feeling bad I would feel really really guilty and worthless but if I did something brave (like go to the shops on my own) I felt so much better afterwards. Confronting the fears does erode them in the end but it takes ages and it's little steps. You should start by having your friend round when your dh is away. Don't hide how you feel. If you feel anxious tell your friend - it's better than trying to be normal when you're feeling really panicky.
I hope you feel better soon.

[TheArmadillo]

It's an idea we have to think about I think.

I have a friend who could help look after ds at the same time. If I can find a time when she's free. If it was in town when dh was - so he wouldn't be far away then I think I can do that.

[willsurvivethis]

but the situation is not of your making

so I can imagine your guilt, but you can't help it.

Your dh does in all seriously need a break though. I understand the trusting bit, but can you two together introduce someone else to come and spend some time with you, gradually. Not you being alone with them for hours straigth away?