Have been diagnosed with PND today. Feeling a bit messed up tbh.

[moozoboozo]

It's almost like I can't admit it to anyone. My friend phoned today, and she said "You sound really down, are you sure you don't have PND?" but I just lauged. Why couldnt I just say yes, FGS? I feel really crappy and I feel like I am letting my son down big time. He deserves someone much better than me as his mummy.

[Toothache]

Totally understand your feeling MB. I have to go now, but will get back online as soon as I can.

[desperatehousewife]

god, i so know how you feel. I know it seems impossible, but these feelings will go and you will feel like the great mum that I am sure you really are. It's not all rosy and we often feel that everyone else is doing it better and coping better than we are....but you're his mum, he will love you no matter what and you will get to a point when you think "i know what i'm doing and i'm not doing a bad job thank you very much" !

Will you seek help for your pnd? I didn't and just loathed myself and struggled for 18 months. In retrospect I wish I had said to a HV/Midwife/Doc I need some help, I feel very very low.

[moozoboozo]

Have got to go and see the GP (who is lovely) every week, and I have been prescribed ads. I just feel like I have "failed" in some way. What doesnt help is DP, and my mother's, complete inability to talk to me about it. I think DP in partic is a bit ashamed of me, tbh.

[desperatehousewife]

NO NO NO!!!! you have not failed - it is not a weakness on your part. It is a medical condition, a hormonal imbalance - you can't help it. seriously you cannot blame yourself for this.

I felt robbed of the first few months of my baby's life because I didnt' feel like me and didn't feel about motherhood what I thought I would feel.

Just go with it, accept the help - thank god you have a lovely doc - and you will start feeling better. Then soon, before you know it, you'll be looking back on it all as a blip.

It WILL get better I promise.

[moozoboozo]

I know what you mean about feeling robbed. I have spent the last 7 months wishing my son would go away. I love him dearly, more than anything in the world, but sometimes, I just wish he was someone elses.

[gigglinggoblin]

you are the most important person you need to admit it to and as you have just posted here it looks like you have been able to do that. you dont need to tell other people, but if you want them to know let your dp or someone else you trust tell people for you. i totally understand how you feel about letting your son down, thats just how i felt - but its the illness making you feel like that and now you have been diagnosed you can start to get the help you need to recover. i hope things get easier soon

[laa]

Sounds like you are having a tough time, Moozoboozo, and are giving yourself an even tougher time. Like everyone else has said, I'm saure you're a great mum, but your PND is altering your perceptions of this at the moment. It may be that your DH doesn't know how to talk to you about it because he's scared of saying the wrong thing, rather than being ashamed? Maybe you need to bring it up with him? I really hope things start to improve. Please don't feel ashamed because depression and PND is incredibly common and i am sure you will come through smiling. I lnow ADs aren't everyone's cup of tea, but they will probably help improve your mood and state of mind to a point where you can enjoy being a mother more and look at other ways of coping. Really hope you start feeling better soon. Lol.

[desperatehousewife]

yup, been there too. I think if I were you I would read up on PND - might help. And talk about it. Turn it into what it is - an imbalance that needs to be medically treated - just as if you had a thyroid problem, or migranes. It's a very common problem - you're not alone, and there are lots of us out there who have had it, been through it and have come out the other end. Sorry, bit cliched!

[georginars]

MB, it is very difficult to tell people that you have PND - it took me a while and plenty of people still don't know. Don't think that you have to tell everyone all at once, you might find it easier once you're started treatment (I know I did). I even found it hard to admit it 'anonymously' on this site!
And now that I've started treatment I can see it for what it is - a chemical problem - you are NOT letting your son down.
The very fact that you've recognised that you have a problem and that you're having your PND treated shows what a caring mummy you really are. (I don't mean that people who don't have their PND treated aren't caring though! - but the fact that you're worrying about your son shows how much you care. I think PND is often caused by caring TOO much - the responsibility is just so frightening).
I too thought I was a complete failure a few months ago, but it does pass (DD is 7 months) - I'm not better yet, but I will be.
Also, do try to talk to DP. You thinking that he's ashamed of you may be your perception - I thought that as well, but he didn't think that at all - he just didn't know how I was feeling and was trying so hard to do the right thing. You mother may also find it difficult as PND was even more swept under the carpet in her day.
I'm blethering on I know - I just wanted you to feel a bit better!

[Sax]

Moozoboozo - i've just put out a chat thread to you if you are around! just wondered how you were today?

[Verso]

I totally totally understand how you feel, and I'm sending you a virtual hug. Thanks to the PP who said it can sometimes those of us who care too much that tend to get PND. I like that sentiment and can identify with sometimes feeling the responsibility is overwhelming.

You are not alone, though it may feel like it, and you are certainly NOT a failure. (btw people keep telling me this and I tend not to believe them, so feel free to ignore me and my comments!)