how to find a way out of depression without AD as DH would rather file for divorce than have me on medication.need help!

[Luise85]

i just can't take it anymore, so much negative has been ruling my life last year that I don't feel like myself anymore. Spent this whole morning just crying and could not stop.
We have depts, money is extremely tight as I am mostly the only one with a steady income.we could not afford renting a flat anymore, living under awful conditions with inlaws since half a year.DS is.14 months, I look after him during the day but work at night. I am starting to miss shifts now as I am too tired, which all makes it worse but I find it so hard to exist with such little rest. DH works freelance in the financial field and is gone during the day trying to find business which is a struggle too. He is very caring but tired of me and off building me up constantly. He thinks I don't need medication but work on myself.
Are there any organistions that offer free counselling?

or earning some cash. And he definitely needs to be more supportive.

I have to admit, DH was wary of me going on ADs. Having a nervous breakdown himself and also having to rely on them have greatly increased his understanding and sympathy levels! I do wonder if it's a man thing (sorry!), you know struggling through manfully on your own without meds. If so he needs to wake up and realise that his approach is fine - for him.

It's not complicated: his wife is ill and exhausted and he's living with his family at his parents.

He needs to buck up and put aside his work aspirations for now to bring some steady money in so you don't have to do everything.

It's not humanly possible for a person to work night shifts and then look after a toddler all day.

You can't 'catch up' on sleep.

And what worked for him may not work for you, especially as his therapy cost money and now you don't have it.

If he wants you to 'work on yourself' then he needs to make that possible by getting a steady JOB.

YOU go back to your doctor and talk over your health.

Some diabetics take oral insulin, others have to inject, still others control things with diet and exercise (this approach doesn't work for all).

Similarly, as with the illness of depression, different approaches work for different people.

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Please don't be too embarrased to go to the doctors, ive done hysterical too but they have seen it loads of times before.

Sometimes life can be too much and we need something to bring us back on top.

Thing is, im all a bit about life coaching - yes, sometimes a positive attitude can help, but sometimes its physical, it might not be physical at the route of it, but there is only so much stress our bodies can physically take and we become deplete of "happy hormones". We often need to take medical steps to putting that back on balance - the medication that is on offer now is not like it was in the 70/80 they don't zombify you and change your personality - they just take the edge off the anxiety - they don't work by giving you "happy chemicals" they work by helping you to utilise your own, almost natural!! Almost! Do be aware that whilst st johns wort is very effective, it can NOT be taken with the sort of ADs that im talking about here and there needs to be a gap of at least two weeks between the two.

I do understand about the business, you are not alone - my DP and I have been through exactly the same thing. Wasnt really an option for him to get a job really and we are now (please god) starting to get back on track. It nearly broke us though and i have to say, with hindsight, it wasn't worth it.

Sometimes it can be pride with this sort of thing - ok so he needs to keep plugging away, but thats probably COSTING money rather than brining any in. Its almost a shame that you have ended up at hte inlaws because that is fascilitating the route he is taking. If i were you, i would set a date, and say that if there is no headway with the business then thats it - either he gets a full time job, or you do, but not at night, its no good. We did this, we said, right if its not working by september (last year) then its time to say enoughs enough - It motivated DP and apart from some hiccups that were out of our control the business is doing well. When we clear our debts we will then be able to relax and build it up into something that hopefully will make me think it was all worth it - but tbh i dont think anything will, not really, ive lost years to depression and i know that was at the route of it.

How much sleep are you getting? Don't underestimate how badly exhaustion can affect you. The symptoms mimic depression in pretty much every way. Also, if you're working nights your sleep hormone melatonin and other related hormones that affect mood are probably getting messed up too.

There are quite a lot of places that offer low cost/no cost counselling, it really varies around the country.

Or, if you want to offload, you can call Samaritans, you don't have to be suicidal - or you can email them too.

Many GPs can get you access to mental health workers who are not counsellors or therapists who would work with you with some self-help CBT methods and also give you information about how sleep and nutrition affect mental health.

you are an adult and your H is not your father. only you adn your GP can decide what is right for you.

for me it was the other way - i was desperate for my thenP to take something and he refused - either way i had no say - it was down to him to decide to take or not take medication.

tell your GP what your H is saying.

Don't worry about making a scene at the GPs - I've done that a couple of times, and yes, it's embarrassing, but it's only a reflection of how bad things have been.

Please go back as soon as possible - and your DP really shouldn't impact on you and your doctor's decision to take medication. His past experience with depression may be completely different to yours. It might make all the difference for you. But it does sound like you need more help - I really feel for you.