I think this qualifies me for insane, but I am sure I am right.

[sheneversaidit]

this will sound mad. i have NC as I dont want to out myself, am a regular, hairy truckers, bats, mooncup etc

necessary background: I have a chronic pain condition. very bad. very bad pain. there is a possibility of this ending in death not from the condition but the symptoms of the condition can be similar to something that resembles aneurysm which my Dad had and only barely survived. He has the same chronic pain condition. My pain is usually bearable but still constant and sometimes I think I am going to pass out or fall over or just... something, but I dont. I think I am dependent on co-codomal. But it isnt working as well as it did.

Last few days I feel, literally do feel, truly, a shadow right behind me. I feel death behind me. I dont mean it melodramatically, I would swear on what is dearest to me that I really feel this. I feel as if I have been told I have a week or a year left and that is it, I know it. When I pour a drink or brush my hair or anything I feel this awful creeping cold shadow just waiting for me.

Set against the background I am a very happy person and am not depressed just generally thoughtful. But this is new ground for me and I am scared. I am scared its real that I am not mad and this feeling is accurate. I dont know what to do. I dont want to die but I feel this total inevitability about it. I want to stay with my DC.

I dont watch horror films or read scary books. I am not that way inclined. I do not have any religion. I am generally very open minded in that I do believe much that others dont and dont believe much that others do. But I am not really... mad. I mean I am a normal person insofar as that is possible.

But I feel a literal shadow of death just behind me and I am scared. Can it be possible?

[sheneversaidit]

no I havent seen one. I dont bother anymore to be honest I have had a decade of working on it solidly. Things dont help really. I know I sound really negative but I really have worked a long time for it to no avail.

[movingintothefuture]

Co-codamol makes headaches worse - you get a headache withdrawl between doses / if you don't take it. Have a look at this co-codamol side effects It might explain a few bits. I can't take co-codamol any more but do occassionally get co-proximol when my pain gets to the point of making me sick. Thankfully i do get the rest bite of good days and the pain is localised but will send a hug and appologise for lack of real advice.

Still would advise speaking to doc. -just say pain killer isn't working and situation not under control and you need it addressing.

[movingintothefuture]

or fufflybunny's sujestion

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

Have you had a MRI?

[sheneversaidit]

I have had several MRIs the last one was about 4 years ago I guess, they all showed up normal which is frustrating because there is this horrendous unrecognised monster inside my head.

I am genuinely afraid I am going to die. Each night when I take 3 cocodomals and often a sleeping pill at the same time I wonder somewhere if I will wake up. I know it sounds mad, just dont take them! I have. I have sat through weeks of insomnia and pain and it has got me nowhere. My body just doesnt want to chug along I have to drag it. And I am tired, of courseI want to not be in pain and to sleep.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

It's Ok.
I think you are dseparate. There's nothing wrong with this. I don't think the cocodamol is helping you though to be honest. From past experience of cocodamol, they wipe you out and make everything floaty. It's like being drunk but without the alcohol. Your neurologist needs to refer you to a pain nurse. They can help you and offer you support. It does sound like you need to see another chiropractor if you can, just so they can do an assessment as things do change in 6 years. Being tense isn't helping you and it will be making things worse so even if it's just to help you relax then this will be good for you. I'm so sorry that there's nothing practical I can tell you. The pain nurses can help you so you do need to get access to them.

Ignore my first post, I read into your opening post, saw ghosts and spirits and went off on a tangent. I'm so sorry.

[movingintothefuture]

Have had an idea and will check something out and get back to you late tomo. Think I might know of a muscle relaxant/pain stuff that might give you a tiny bit of relief and need to ask ex what the blue smelly stuff was called.

[sheneversaidit]

well FluffyBunny the thing is I do feel there is something following me: death. I really do think my days are quickly numbered. I can almost hear this very loud ticking clock. It is insane. It really is. I just dont know what to do, about that, and the health stuff.

thank you, thanks too movingintothefuture.

I am going to sleep now I think I am finally drowsy enough. This is madness. Goodnight.

[CheerfulYank]

Oh I feel so awful for you, my dear. Migraines suck the big one, there's just no other way to put it. Being in constant pain can make you literally insane, so I wouldn't put too much stock in this death-following-you business just yet.

Have to been to a dietician? My mom has the most terrible migraines; once she was diagnosed with celiac disease and was on the diet for awhile she started to get them only rarely.

Just try to sleep, breathe, and find a doctor that will really listen to you.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

You are very vulnerable and frightened at the moment, this is really clear. You do need to see a pain nurse, a chiropractor can help you aswell. Your thought of something watching you is a concern though. It may be part of your migraine/condition or it may not. I do think you are feeling so anxious that everything's hazy and unclear.
I do have friends who have the other view They would send you off to a spiritualist healer. Be careful of parting with any money, you are really vulnerable and there are some wicked people out there.

I'll have a think about this and get back to you tomorrow.

[FourWomenAndAdy]

I would recommend hypnotherapy and/or meditation nearly the same thing anyway. Chedck out www.uncommonknowledge.com and www.livinglifetothefull.com and www.fivearearesources.com and search www.4share.com (but careful there's unpleasant porno there too) try a search for relaxation, self help or hypnosis. Its not david baine its about calming your mind and gaining what you have misdsed oiut on through a lack of rem sleep. I spent 2hrs in a lavendewr bath this morning just to allow me to cope with the world! It all helps. Wish you well.

[serajen]

I'm currently having acupuncture, when I first presented one of my symptoms was crashing, crushing head pain, this has abated since I started the acupuncture, just a suggestion, it may help.

[movingintothefuture]

right here is the blue smelly stuff www.blue-active.com/ It isn't as cheap as pills but i actually found that it is the only thing the really helps when my knees are really bad. Will definetly reckamend it as an alternative to the pills.

[sheneversaidit]

thank you!

I still feel the same. DH was pretty convinced it would have worn off by now but it hasnt. Feel a bit like I am stuck in Vaseline.

[NationalFlight]

I read your title and it shook me as I get this at times, too.

As though I have climbed over a sort of fence and now I am looking backwards, while my time is diminishing...everything seems so pointless, suddenly.

I am not sure whether it is a portent or just a symptom of exhaustion and depression.

I think your condition sounds very very hard to bear.

I have no solid suggestions but wish you well. xx

[sheneversaidit]

thanks I am caught between trying to make my life matter, stay in bed with a book, work out a way to stop it... dont know. I give. Hands up in the air I am not sure. Glad I dont sound totally bonkers to all of you. It really is a strange and strong feeling I did not expect myself capable of having.

[YanknCock]

It doesn't sound bonkers at all. My dad had 'an impending sense of doom' for six months prior to suffering an attack of angina while he was visiting me. This resulted in him finally getting checked out properly and the doctors finding his heart was 99% blocked on one side! He had a septuple bypass within a week, and they kept bringing students around to gawp at him because noone understood how he'd been walking around like that.

[movingintothefuture]

at your dad YanknCock. Gramps died from less blockage. Must have had a good reason to keep going.

Sheneversaidit: I think there are a lot of us for various reasons wonder if we are losing it. I actually posted earlier on a thread "can I book my nervous breakdown now" Right now I am ok. But few of us will think you bonkers, and most will wish we could be of more help. If you try the emu oil/blue smelly stuff I hope you get some relief. Just hang in there and echo national flight. I wish you well.