Need help with “black moods”

[GurlWithACurl]

I have posted about this before, I think, but can’t really remember. My brain is all over the place.

Can anyone help? I have been mostly stuck in bed now for over ten years with multiple conditions. I take a bunch of meds morning and evening. Some of them are to help with the side effects of other meds!

I am in my 60s, married with grown up children. DH is disabled and also stuck at home, but can manage a bit more than me. Our children help out when they can, especially the one who still lives at home.

I take antidepressants to help with my state of mind, basically miserable about my health and worries about the future. I posted before that I sometimes have frightening black moods on an evening, when I think about the peace of no longer being here. The only things that stop me from taking handfuls of morphine tablets are DH and our children.

The doctor recently increased my antidepressants and I have been taking them for over a month with no serious issues. Then last evening the most dreadful black mood came over me and lasted into this morning. It seems to have eased off a bit since I took my meds.

I am now terrified that this will happen again this evening. I spoke to the doctor about this a while back, but she couldn’t see any link with any of my meds. But it is odd that it always happens at the same time of day!

Does anyone have any ideas? TIA

[LSTMS30555]

Hi Op sorry I don't have any advice hopefully someone will be along soon with some.
I didn't want to read & run there's always people here to help and listen 💐

[GurlWithACurl]

@LSTMS30555

Hi Op sorry I don't have any advice hopefully someone will be along soon with some.
I didn't want to read & run there's always people here to help and listen 💐

Thank you for your reply.

[Lovelyview]

I don't have advice based on experience. Would speaking to the Samaritans help? They're on 116123. If it happens at a particular time could you plan something distracting like watching TV, doing puzzles, painting or writing? I think you probably need to go back to your doctor. A lot of people occasionally think they'd like to not have to deal with their lives any more but if your thoughts about taking extra medication to kill yourself become more intrusive you need to call 999 and tell them you're suicidal. Hope you manage to find a solution.

[Stillnormal]

Sorry to hear you’re going through this - I know how scary those kind of thoughts can be and how exhausting it is to have to try to fend them off. I haven’t sort d mine completely but has really helped to do things like:

1. plan - when you’re feeeling ok, identify something that will make you feel better - a little job or a little bit of chocolate or whatever - when you start to feel like you’re losing the battle you can take control again by saying to yourself ‘I knew I might feel this way and have decided to clean the bathroom windowsill to make me feel better’ (or whatever). In my experience learning how to disrupt the thoughts and take the power back is really helpful.

1. know - this is not permanent. These are thoughts and they will pass.

sorry not to be more helpful I didn’t want to read and run - I know how shit it is. You need to set up a way to win using other thought plans basically!!

good luck - you can beat this x

[GurlWithACurl]

@Lovelyview and @Stillnormal thank you both very much. The awful feelings have lasted all day and are getting worse again. I have never had them for such a long time. They usually go off after about three hours. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up 😭

[Lovelyview]

Do you have a counsellor or mental health team you already have contact with? If not maybe go back to the doctor and ask for a referral (or in some places you can refer yourself)

[GurlWithACurl]

Thank you @Lovelyview , you are being very kind. I might go back to the doctor about this. I don’t have a counsellor at the moment because I cannot leave the house. There are also other reasons: I have short term memory issues, so counselling is not really very useful.