Burn out - any tips for getting through this?

[HelenHywater]

I've just been signed off for a month for burnout at work. I'm very senior and have an exceptionally heavy workload, hugely stressful job and little support. I honestly thought I was going mad. I don't recognise the me that I've lived with for the last few months.

My main symptom is complete and exhaustion, but also all the anxiety stuff - insomnia, IBS, difficulty breathing, etc . I am just so so tired. I also have noticed a huge decline in cognitive ability, decision making, my patience, relationships. (I think it no coincidence that I was dumped by my boyfriend recently - I wouldn't live with me either!).

I recognise I need to be off work. (Although feel hugely guilty and worried about my job). I don't feel depressed. Just massively anxious and stressed and hugely anxious. And exhausted. How can I speed this up so I can get back to work? (I recognise that rushing to get back to work is not a good sign, but I feel so guilty for not being there, plus worried about being replaceable, sacked, judged etc).

I burned out last year, and rushed back to work after 2 weeks and as soon as I could semi-function because I had a busy period ahead, but I wasn't really ok.

I finally took a proper holiday somewhere sunny at the start of this year.

You have 4 weeks off. If you can, my advice is get on a plane somewhere as far away from work as you possibly can for at least 2 weeks. Keep it off social media etc so there aren't questions about it. But a change of scene, change of perspective, some vitamin D, some time away from the drudgery and responsibilities of normal life all did me the world of good and healed me in a way that sitting at home feeling useless, exhausted and depressed did not.

Thank you. Sadly I'm a single parent of teens - some doing A levels and GCSEs this year, so I don't think it's an option to disappear. Their father chooses to have little to do with them and certainly wouldn't drop everything to help me.

But yes, it's really appealing to just go somewhere and leave all of this behind. I might see what I can do with other relatives. How did you feel after 2 weeks?

I haven't dared tell my boss yet. Or my team. I'm just dreading it, and feel so guilty (I'm on annual leave this week so they're not expecting to hear from me, although I have been working, of course).

A big thing for me has been reframing the way I view my job. It’s fine to just be good enough. You don’t have to make everything sparkle every day. Some days I think I have an attitude problem because I don’t push myself like I used to, but no-one seems to have noticed.
Im also strategic at maximising my leave.

At home, outsource all you can. Are your teens doing their share? I switched to having a rota and divvying up the housework between us. It’s not perfect but it’s enough. If I could afford it I’d have a cleaner.

Basically, remove as much pressure as you can so you can rest. Then find things that bring you joy and a break - music, outdoors, creative projects, whatever floats your boat. This is important and not to be underestimated- you need an escape and to just be you.

Mostly… don’t rush anything…

Sleep.... sleep...and sleep! Honestly you are on a treadmill that won't stop at the moment but your body is desperately asking for rest. It's not easy but once you allow your body and mind to accept this you will start the road to recovery x

How can I speed this up so I can get back to work?

You can't. If you do, you'll just be papering over the cracks and the next crash will be truly dreadful and take X times longer to recover from.

What would you say to to a fellow senior level colleague in a similar situation? Would you urge them to ignore their health for the sake of the company or would you recognise that their long term value is far more important that 1/12 of the year?

Switch off completely. If you check messages etc it will take longer. It sort of depends otherwise on what works for you. What worked for me was swimming, sauna, steam room, hot yoga, sleep and reading when I could. Walks. Decaff coffee and zero alcohol, nice food. You have to sort of give in to it though and let it take its course. Listen to your body, follow what you want and need. The total opposite basically of what you will have been doing. Sympathy, I've been there.

Please don't rush back to work. I know it's scary right now but your mental health is way more important than your job.

Sleep, eat, move your body. Switch off from work as much as you can. Focus on what makes you feel more like you. But please don't rush back. Work can wait.

Is leaving an option? had a job like this. I decided to leave. I got a new job for the same pay and perks, but less stress.

Sorry, just seen this. Honestly, I still felt like crap after the 2 weeks, where I had flopped around the house like a zombie save for painting a room very slowly in an attempt to fight the need to do something useful. I did spend the final weekend with a friend at hers. I found a lot of stuff very triggering to how I was feeling though. However, I felt I had to go back at that point as something I'd worked on for a long time was coming to fruition and I wanted to see it through.

Things that have made my life easier:
*Batch cooking/slow cooker take the pressure off during the week. Food is there when people want to eat it without having to cook after a long day at work. Slow cooker is also teenager-friendly - they are just as capable as chopping a load of veg and throwing it in there with a tin of chilli beans and a tin of tomatoes as you are, and if you have different family members on different routines because of afterschool activities, sports etc it's perfect because each person can just dish up their plate when they want it.

• I set alarms for earliest start and latest end of my work day and a lunch reminder. Otherwise I sit down at my desk with my morning coffee first thing to "just check something quickly" and will still be sat there at gone dinner time if I'm not careful, and have literally no time to myself all day, or food, or water, or fresh air, or literally anything that is good for me whatsoever.

• My work monitor is on a timer plug. It turns off if I continue working. I can switch it back on if I absolutely have to, and I don't lose any work as obviously it just reverts to the laptop screen, but it's a good reminder to ask "why I am still sat here, do I actually need to still be here doing this, or is this now tomorrow's problem?"

These things aren't perfect, but they have helped me shift my work-life balance a bit back towards something sustainable. I'm not convinced work have even noticed this much. You don't get rewarded for doing double what you are supposed to, or exceeding targets by more than what is sufficient to be seen to be doing a good job. It's enough to be good, don't need to be perfect all the time.

It also helps if you just learn to tolerate others around you doing a bad job. I was doing a lot of stepping in and clearing up other people's messes. I only now do this if a manager asks me to, or the mess is directly hindering my own progress. Other people have to be allowed to fail, you cannot be their safety net all of the time. It's taken me a while to learn this.

If the week of annual leave hasn't helped at all, I would consider asking to be signed off. I left it far too long. If you do this, remember, you have been assigned too unwell to work. There is no answering calls/emails/checking messages.

I get that this may not be the moment for asking the kids to take up more of the slack if they are getting into heavy revision period for exams. However, this may be a conversation to have with them after their exams are over.

Book a proper break in the summer somewhere where the teens can be pretty self-sufficient during the day and give you a break too!

@HelenHywater how are you getting on?

Hi @Fatfumbs thank you for asking! I'm still really really tired, and my sleep is still messed up. Have had to have a nap most days. I thought I was getting better, but I lost it with my teens over nothing and my heart was pounding and my headache came back, so I realised that I am going to have to be very careful about re-starting work.

BUT I have discovered that forcing myself out of the house for friends is really helpful - they can lift me like nothing else. And have been trying to do yoga most days which is good for forgetting.

I have realised that I was on the edge of this for months. I look back at incidents last year that were very uncharacteristic of me - I fell out with such a good friend over nothing.

I read up on cortisol and stress (and adrenal exhaustion?). So much applies to me.

I did tell my work and they have been very understanding. Although I still feel like a huge guilty fraud.

@HelenHywater sorry to hear it's still affecting you, but I'm also really glad you're more aware of it, it really helps with recovery. That's also great to hear about your friends helping lift your mood, nothing like a bit of good company to help the soul is there.

Your employer sounds great in this situation. My old one was too and it made a world of difference