everything i once knew is changing

[Rosbo]

my 'perfect' world is changing.
everything used to be good, my kids would do well at school, we were financially okay, me and my dh would have a good relationship and i'd have a lot of friends.
now everything is falling apart and i cannot cope.

[chikenmother]

What is it that´s falling apart?

[Anna8888]

What has happened in your life, Rosbo?

[Rosbo]

my husband shagged the au pair 3 years ago, we fired her & i forgave him.

my dd1 got excluded from school just before her gcses so is having to resit them all.

i might have to fire this au pair cus she might be shagging my husband too.

either fire her or the husband...or both.

don't know what i'd do without my husband though tbh.

my friends all have seperate lives now.

[moondog]

Oh dear re dh shagging au pair.
That would do it for me.
I'd have to get rid of a man who betrayed me in my own home.

[Rosbo]

I just don't know how i'd cope without him though

[themoon66]

Oh Rosbo.. poor you I've just read your profile and your life sounds a bit like mine. It's all so fragile though isn't it?

I've posted on your other thread... sack the AP.

[clutteredup]

I was just looking at your au pair thread Posbo, this au pair thng sounds like a real PITA but it also sounds like you're really down generally too.Are you wonderingif DH is doing it again with the au pair, is that what some of its about, it must be hard even though you have forgiven him to trust him completely especially when this sort of thing happens. Poor you - big hugs and a big bar of virtual calorie free delicious chocolate.

[moondog]

How can you cope with a man who has betrayed you so badly though,that is surely the real question.

What a turd.

[chikenmother]

Stay calm, things are usually not so bad if you are calm, a step at a time. You must talk to hour husband!!!

[Rosbo]

Because being a single mum with not many friends, three teenagers and a 3 year old does not sound like a walk in the park!

[moondog]

Living with a man who fucks women who come to help raise his offspring doesn't sound like a bundle of laughs either frankly.

[Rosbo]

I know your right.
Maybe we should go to family counselling?

[Anna8888]

Rosbo - some kind of counselling (separately or together or both) would be an excellent idea.

Go for it.

[Rosbo]

thanks for all your advice

[clutteredup]

Sounds like it might help - good advice here - good luck

[Judy1234]

She may not be. Can't you get more evidence?

I was left with 3 teenagers (and two younger ones) and it's not fun particularly if you work full time and their father chooses to have nothing to do with them but if the relationship is so bad you're better off alone. I am.

[Rosbo]

I dunno...the relationships okay.
I just think its a little fake these days.

[Anna8888]

I don't really think it matters whether or not your DH is doing anything with the au pair from the point of view of whether or not to seek counselling. You aren't happy. Your relationship isn't entirely comfortable. Your DH has betrayed you in the past.

Go for the counselling. It will help clarify things.

[chikenmother]

Rosbo, I am left with 3 children too, with full time job e very little friends. It has beem difficult but we have survived reasonably well. I think you must respect yourself FIRST. Kids are resilient most of the time. You must find the way to get some peace and if it means to give up a husband who doesn´t respect you, who knows? Try to find what you feel about it with a friend/sister/brother/priest - someone you trust. But you must respect yourself in the first place, I think...

[Judy1234]

I don't get the feeling your relationship is really so very awful it's worth breaking up the marriage.

[Anna8888]

Xenia - I don't know how you think you have enough evidence to pronounce ... Curious.

[Janni]

I agree with Anna and Xenia. It sounds like your marriage is worth working at.

[Judy1234]

I tink when you know it's all over (what Ian Fleming called the quantum of solace within a marriage reaching zero) then you leave as happened with me. It doesn't seem like she's anywhere near that yet. She says the relationship's okay so that's fine. Hopefully there hasn't been any affair with the au pair either so all may be well.

[Anna8888]

Hmm. I think there is a tipping point when you actually get out of a marriage/relationship, but I think the time between the point at which a relationship is unsalvageable and the point at which you know that it is unsalvageable can be very long indeed.

Denial is a very common facet of long-term relationships.