its all starting to go wrong again

[AnAngelWithin]

i have tried so hard lately to stay positive. but i can't do it any more. everything is such a struggle. things seemed to get a bit better when my brain scans came back clear (relief!!) i started to look forward to more, but recently, its going downhill again.

my nan is ill (poss leukaemia and/or internal bleeding) i am so close to her and the thought of her not being here sets me off into a blind panic. i love her so much.

I am being bridesmaid a week on saturday and i am still too fat, and last night my friend decides she wants my dd1 to be a flower girl, but no dress or anything has been sorted. She still hasnt even decided on the shoes i am supposed to be wearing let alone try them on and buy them!

this morning i got a water bill through for a stupid amount, and when i ring and query it cos we are on a capped price plan (should be £15 a month less than what they are saying now!!) they have decided that we owe them £185 from 2006!! we have never even recieved a bill for this!! i knew we owed about £60 but they added that onto the monthly payments last year and i thought it was all paid!! how can they do this?? we have only recently got 'straight' with money and been able to start saving a little towards our first family holiday ever. I bet they will f*ck up the tax credits renewal as well in a few weeks time and screw us over again. Every single bloody year we seem to 'owe' them even though we keep them up to date with all our changes etc.

me and DH seem to be spending less and less time together. ds1 said the other day the only time we spend time together is when we go grocery shopping together

i am so tired all the time. i have got no energy for anything. i just want to leave and not come back. ever.

[Isitjustme2]

Hi - just wanted to add that you are not alone - this all sounds very familiar - once you are feeling like this, everything seems impossible, and the smallest things can be overwhelming (not saying any of your problems are small - far from it - you really seem to be having some very difficult situations to deal with) but that once you feel like this, it is difficult to achieve anything. Is there one thing you could try to accomplish which, once you start to change, might help everything? For me I think it is accepting that I eat far too much, and that breastfeeding doesnt mean you can "eat for ten" . If I start some exercise and an eating plan, I feel more in control in general (until my next blip that is) I also bet you did something great for your DS or DH today - made them feel better about something, made them tea - these are all things you should be proud of. Dont be afraid to ask DH for a hug or say you need him to arrange a night out. I'm really not in a position to be giving advice because I feel the same - but hang on in there.

[AnAngelWithin]

no dd is one of the biggest ones in her class so can't really ask anyone

i am so close to just telling friend i cant be bridesmaid. i just cant be bothered with anything.

i went to bed at 6.15 last night and just cried and cried, just wished i wouldnt wake up, but i did. another crap day. im just sat by the phone now waiting for news about my nan.

[NorthernLurker]

HAve you asked around dd's friends parents - there's probably a pretty dress lurking there she could borrow. If it's not what your friend wants then she needs to get her backside in gear. Re the shoes - you can hire them from bridal shops I think - cream goes with most things - why don't you ring round a couple and see if they have your size. If you can't get to the gp tomorrow - at least ring up and make an appointment. Have a {{{hug}}} as well

[AnAngelWithin]

re friends wedding, no i own 2 pairs of boots and thats it!! dd doesnt have a dress. shes not a dress kind of girl!!

i cant get to the doctors tomorrow. i am supposed to be having my hair cut ready for the wedding.

[posieflump]

really sorry to hear about your nan

re being tired all the time - can you see your gp tomorrow

re dh - try to plan something nice to do as a family this weekend

[posieflump]

try to break things down so they don't feel so bad

so firstly your friend's wedding -she has asked you to be bridesmaid, she doesn't want anyone else but you, you are not too fat, all that matters is that you are there
she hasn't sorted out shoes so have you some pretty shoes that will go with the dress?
she has asked you very last minute if your dd will be flower girl. Has your dd got a pretty dress and shoes she can wear? If she has and your friend doesn't have time to sort anything else out then that is her problem not yours.

please don't worry about it, it is one day, it is not your fault that your friend is a last minute kind of a person