Can't cope, please help!

[JammyK]

Where do I start? Well I feel totally messed up to be honest, not sure who turn to. I have 2 children, ds1 is 2.5yrs and ds2 is 9 months old. Dh is in the RAF and goes away a lot.

After I had ds1 I was really depressed for about 6 months but I managed to hide it from everyone. It gradually got better and I was feeling fine by the time he was 8 months old. However, a few weeks after having ds2 the depression returned. I've been able to hide it so far but I don't think I can go on much longer like this. I cannot cope! I thought this would go away like it did last time but I think it's just getting worse. I cry myself to sleep every night dreading getting up in the morning! I look at other Mums who cope so well with thier children and I feel like such a failure.

I live in an area where I don't know many people, I have no friends ( no friends that really care anyway ) and I can't tell my family as they're always like "Oh you're doing so well, we're really proud of you!" What can I do? I'm so ashamed of myself for having these feelings and I'd be so embarrassed having to talk to a doctor about this. Please help someone. x

[skibump]

Please don't be ashamed or embarrassed, but you really should talk to a hv or gp asap and get some practical help

[S1ur]

Oh big hugs to you x
You don't need to feel ashamed on top of feeling sad. People feel all shades of shit after kids and you have a harder time what with no available DP. Other mums might project a apparant calm and organisation but I bet they've felt awful sometime too.
Maybe if a trip to docs is too much, a call to helpline?

[wrinklytum]

Oh Jammy,BIG HUGS,you are not a failure.You are doing your best to cope with 2 small children under 3 and that is no mean feat.Please please please see your GP or HV.Please.They will be able to suggest some support be it medication or counselling.yOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.It is hard work,especially if your dh is away.Is he in Iraq/Afhghanistan?There is a forces wives section on mn and you may find this helpful to chat to other forces wives too.xx

[TheMadHouse]

I am sending you big hugs and also want you to know that I too suffered like you.

DS1 is 2.7 and DS2 16 months. we relocated 300 iles when I was expecting DS2 and knew no one. I also hid the way I was feeling until DH made a doctors appointment for me and I had to admit my issues. I felt like a bad mum, as though the boys would be better off withour me and that I was like a swan all graceful on the outside, but kicking like hell underneath

I am receiving excellent support from the community metal health team, I am on AD's, receiving CBT (at home) one a week and also under consultant care at the local hospital. I am getting better, but most of all getting the help has allowed me to have the courage and the strength to go out and meet new pwople and develop at least two close friends.

Your GP really can help, but if you feel unconfortable talking to them, then what about your HV. Admiting you have an issue is the first step and I found the hardest one to take. Just coming on MN and doing it shows what a good mum you are and that you care so much to worry also shows that.

Please keep posting and seek some help

[BeenTheredefinitely]

which area do you live in?

[NotGaggingForIt]

This happened to me after the 2nd DC was born. I wanted to kill myself and the DCs. It was dreadful, lasted several months and i did nothing about it. i had been a perfect first time mum, totally on top of things, no probs and second time around everything seemed so hard, a total lack of joy in my life. When i told my doc months later when i was better she was really nice and said ' why didnt you come and see me?' I was afraid they'd put me on addictive drugs or something incompatible with breast-feeding. Now i wish i had gone to see her at the time. Talk to those other mums who seem to be coping so well - when i mentioned the PND i was surprised at how many others had gone through the same thing. Talk to people.

[gibberish]

JK you are not alone in this. I had pnd after all four of mine. Didn't actually realise what it was and get help until I had dd3. Don't be ashamed - you would take a tablet for a headache without thinking and without feeling ashamed. This is absolutely no different. It is a medical condition and can be treated. You really do need to speak to a doctor. They see this all the time and will just want to help. It is NOTHING to be ashamed or frightened about. Please, please make an appointment. As Themadhouse said, talking about it is the first step to getting better. So keep doing that. Completely understand how you are feeling and so will hundreds and thousands of others. Don't feel alone with this.

[wrinklytum]

NGIF that was my experience with no 2 felt like such a failure.Ds was a breeze in comparison to dd xxxJammy are you still here,sweetheart?

[hip]

Keep talking it helps really

[sunshinegirl]

Jammy, thinking of you. DON'T be ashamed. Having 2 dc's that age is bloody draining, I've been there but having PND on top must be awful. Please get some help. Where do you live? If you are in Cornwall I would love to help/ meet up.

[JammyK]

Thanks for all the replies. I'm in Oxfordshire. I know I should talk to someone. My HV came out to do my my baby's 8 month check up last month and I filled in one of those PND questionnaires. I totally lied on it and made out that everything is fine. I feel so angry with myself, I should have just told her that I feel like running away and dying somewhere most days! After that I don't think I can ask her to come here again cos I'm just wasting her time aren't I? Maybe I'll go and see a doctor. I feel worried that I'll either be able to hide my feelings from him and he won't believe me or I'll completely break down and cry and won't be able to tell him anything. I'm so scared! Dh is in the Falklands at the moment, he'll be coming home in about 10wks time. It's so hard as I can't tell him how I'm feeling cos I don't want to upset him but I need to talk to someone.

[JammyK]

I am from Cornwall by the way sunshinegirl, that's where I wish I was, with all my family! x

[NotGaggingForIt]

it's extra hard when you are far from family, i was in another country, still am..miss my place.

[sunshinegirl]

Bloody hell, doing all this on your own must be unbelievably hard Jammy. You are NOT NOT NOT wasting HV's time. I confess to also lying on those questionarres, it's so easy to know the answer they are looking for isn't it. Have you any family near at all? Please do contact HV or GP, if not for you for your dc's sake to make you a happier Mummy. Keep talking here x

[S1ur]

Are you working? Can you take a break, a longish one to family, just to recoop a bit?

[wrinklytum]

JAmmy,you are not wasting your HV time!!oR your GP.Am sure if he is any kind of decent doc he will believe you.Take care xx

[gibberish]

JK I think one of the symptoms of PND is hiding it. We seem to be very good at it. I think it is because we feel a failure admitting that we are not the 'supermum' we set ourselves up to be. But in reality, you ARE a supermum. You are no doubt exhausted, having two little ones, are without the support of your OH and dealing with all of this emotional stuff too. Your hormones are all over the place, something which you CANNOT control, and you just need a bit of outside help to cope with this. Your doc will understand. He will probably know as soon as you walk in why you are there. Don't worry about it. You owe it to yourself to get help now. You deserve it.

[S1ur]

Doesn't matter if you cry to docs, that's okay most gps are understanding and will refer you to hopefully decent counseller.

[sunshinegirl]

Where in Cornwall are you from Jammy? Could you bring dc's down with you to visit family for a break? If you could would happily meet up. Thinking of you. Mine are 20m apart & I really struggled for a while after 2nd born, I didn't let on either but wish I had as had some dark moments in my head IYKWIM.

[sunshinegirl]

Just checking in to see if you're ok Jammy? x

[JammyK]

I'm from Truro. I can't visit my family at the moment as my car is in the garage, not sure what's arong with it or how I'm going to pay the bill but that's another issue!! My parents are coming to stay for a weekend soon so I'll get a bit of a break then. Coming down for Xmas though, even if my Dad has to come and get us, I'm not spending it alone with the kids!

Thank you all for your messages, it's so nice to know that I'm not completely alone! I was thinking last night that if the GP refers me for counselling when would I go? I can't exactly take 2 boys along can I? I have no one who could look after them. It's all such a mess. I made an appt. for next Thursday to see my Doctor so I'll see what he says and will let you know.

Thanks again. x

[sunshinegirl]

I'm very near Truro Jammy so keep in youch and if you are around over xmas could meet up?
Can your GP not see you before next week? I think you should have a chat with HV if not, they are very understanding. I'm not sure what the treatment is for PND but I wouldn't worry about the childcare arrangements until the time comes. First step is to talk to a health professional.

Hope you are having a better day today x

[JammyK]

Hi, thanks for zll your messages of support. I went to the GP, she was very understanding and wasn't phased by my tearfulness thank goodness! She prescribed me Citralopram which I've been taking for a week now. I have to say that I feel better already. I'm still a bit tearful at certain times during the day but I've noticed that I'm less irritable and not so anxious about leaving the house. I feel positive that these are going to make my life better. X