Am I ill or am I nasty?

[alwayspissedoff]

I am so angry all the time. Like a coiled spring, I flip frequently and with not much coaxing.

Today, my parents babysat my two younger kids while I took out my older two. I have just spent a fortune on new winter clothes and shoes (and my rule is shoes are not for playing in, old shoes or wellies are). They took my kids to their house and when I collected them they had paint all over their new clothes (I'd put them in some nicer stuff because I thought they were just playing in my house), holes in tights, new shoes scraped like mad from playing outside. I just wanted to SCREAM. I couldn't talk propery, all I could think about was how MAD I was. I made my excuses and left with the kids as quickly as I could. It takes such a lot of effort and money to get all this stuff that I could cry seeing it all trashed.

I am like this a lot. I get angry at the drop of a hat. And I shout a lot. I'm so picky about stuff and I worry that I am harming my kids.

I have suffered PND before but I thought I was through it. Do you think I still have depression and its manifested itself in anger? What do you do about it? I didn't go to the doctor or use pills when I had PND. I was ashamed. I don't want to start now.

[goingfriggincrazy]

Is it anything specific that triggers the anger?..Mine is centred around being treated like a mug/slave at home...kids being disrespectful etc also other peoples lack of respect(Like yours today)..I just get rages (I DON'T hurt my children) but obviously blow up at times..shouting is a favourite of mine and thats painful to admit to myself.
I haven't had counselling for a good few years but was on anti-depressants on and off for 12 yrs -which worked fantastically for my depression(and temper) but I was completely zonked emotionally..I am worried that this anger is me..forever..

[alwayspissedoff]

Thank you. I do get time to myself, well, sort of. I need the time to do housey/family stuff and anything else just robs me of housey/family stuff time and I end up an even more horrible person. Its catch22 isn't it.

I need hope that I won't always be like this and I want to feel that I won't look back and regret my behaviour.

[mellowma]

Message withdrawn

[goingfriggincrazy]

Tbh I would get angry over something like this,and maybe I'm similar-I'm pretty angry most of time...just fly at anything...I am probably borderline depressed (have had major bouts before)and alot of it is frustration too,I'm a sahm and wanting time to myself,it would be lovely!
I use nightly alcohol to calm myself down,often makes me more worked up the next day *sighs.

Sounds like you could do with some well earnt rest,sorry I can't be more help,just wanted to say completely understand where you are coming from.

[alwayspissedoff]

I had counselling, I arranged it without the doctor and I didn't tell anyone but my DH. It didn't help much but it got me through the worst. I now feel like I can cope day to day but its not any fun. I feel stressed all the time.

[fawkeoff]

hun you do know that there are others ways to help you if you're depressed instead of throwing pills at you.Have you really ever got over the PND????.

[alwayspissedoff]

And I think I am drinking to block it out. I have a drink every night and I could stop myself but I don't want to. I WANT one.