Decided I cant bottle this up anymore but I dont actually know what to do about it all.

[Nbg]

Cant be bothered to name change either. I may as well be honest.

I am anxious everyday. I hate going out of the house. More so on my own, I'm not so bad if someones with me but on my own I am a mess. The feeling of being anxious scares the crap out of me. I cant even get dd to preschool sometimes.
All I want to do is lay in bed and go on the internet as thats what makes me feel at ease and comfortable.

My parents have noticed and my mum has said she'll help out twice a week, my dh has also noticed and his boss who is an ex physciatric (sp) dr has said that she thinks its PND.

I guess it could be a mix of PND, AND and anxiety with panic attacks
I've had the anxiety and panic since I was around 30 weeks pg last year and its never really gone away.
I'm nearly 20 weeks pg and I need for this to start going away but I dont know wtf to do about it.
I tried CBT and hated it. I'm on 10mg Citaolpram but have been a bit lax with it recently.
This week I have done more than I have ever done in months. I've taken the kids out at the weekend, it was quite hard but I did it. I have been and collected dd twice but with my parents and yesterday I was at a friends and we went into their local city.

But its still there, it wont go away and I've had enough of it.
I mean I cried this morning because dh got huffy because he had to go to the shop for milk ffs!
My life isnt meant to be like this and my kids should have a better mum.

Sorry for the long post.

[Nbg]

I had anxiety which started 2 weeks after my dd was born (my first). It was more really nasty thoughts that I got and it made me anxious. The woman I saw for CBT said she thinks it was more PND.
Who knows.
It eventually passed just after dd turned one but I never got any treatment for it.

I've never had the same problem again but all this flared up after I passed out when I had my 28 week bloods done last year and then I had a bit of a do at home when I was on my own and it freaked me out.

[MoreSpamThanGlam]

Im sorry NBG

To top it all i selfish blub-typed all over your thread

Im so sorry that was really selfish of me

I really am

[Nbg]

Dont be silly spam.
I'd rather you post here than sit and be sad.

[Mindles]

Hello Nbg. I really don't know if this will be any use to you at all, but I am also struggling with anxiety/PND.

I am lucky in that I have a really good HV and she cottoned on very quickly to the fact that I wasn't coping very well and has referred me to a "community psychiatric nurse". The nurse has been twice now, and will come again, but from what we've talked about so far she thinks that my main problem is anxiety, and it is likely that the anxiety causes much of the depression. Therefore, if we can fix the anxiety the depression should pretty much go.

Could this be the same for you? She isn't done "assessing" me yet (slightly scary!) but she says at this point she thinks the best thing would be counselling. Maybe your GP can refer you to someone or something similar to assess what could best help you? I am not positive, but counselling does not necessarily involve CBT surely? (My HV suggested that CBT can't work if you're feeling really low anyway).

Anyway, I just wanted to try and help, so I apologise if you've been down this route and it hasn't worked for you.

[Nbg]

Yes I think that could be very true mindles.
I think, well in fact I almost know that if I didn t have this horrid anxiety and the occasional panic attacks, I could get out and do "normal" things, therefore I wouldnt feel as shit.

I just didnt like the CBT. I know why I feel like I do and it mainly stemmed from events last year. I know they say that anxiety and panic attacks usually start from a specific event in your life. But I didnt think that the things that CBT offered would have helped me.

A magic wand would be fab

[Nbg]

I forgot to add that my MW has mentioned a CPN so I must speak to her about it and ask if I can see her soon.

[sniff]

maybe a counsellor would be better or talking it through with someon not involved you sound really switched on to me you know your problem and where it comes from I think this is always a good first step

[daisyandbabybootoo]

nbg i saw a counsellor last summer and tbh hated it at the time as it brought up lots of old feelings that i'd rather keep buried, however, after the event i could relate much more to why i was feeling the way i was, so it did help in the end. i've done some cbt as well but not to any great extent that i could comment on it. what i have found helpful this time is speaking to the mental health nurse and concentrating on coping mechanisms and how i can move forward rather than looking back and being introspective. it's still bloody hard going through it all with someone though.

i hope that just by talking about it today its made you feel a bit more positive about things and remember there's always lots of support on here

[Mindles]

Yes do badger your mw about the CPN - I have heard good things from other people who have been seen by them too.

If you know where your problem probably stems from I would have thought counselling would be a good idea, and I'm not positive but I wouldn't have thought CBT had to be a part of counselling. But obviously I don't much about this sort of thing so the CPN is the person to talk to about what you can do.

I do agree with what Daisy said about not liking seeing a counsellor - I am terrified of stirring up things I just don't want to think about but sometimes I think you have to push through the not wanting to do it because the benefits are so huge. I should imagine that is one of those things that is HUGELY personal though, and maybe it's not for you.

Does the citalopram make you feel really awful? I ask because I felt sick when I started taking it but it has passed really quickly (have only been on them a couple of weeks) and I already feel much calmer and with it. I have occasional nausea but nothing dreadful.

The only other thing is that some HVs in my area run a support group/course for suffers of pnd and although there is a CBT element a large proportion of the course is quite simple coping strategies which I actually found really useful (until things took a dive and I ended up on the ads! but hopefully things will pick up again soon).

I really hope things get better for you {{{hugs}}} Am not usually prone to random acts of affection towards strangers but it sounds like you suffer much more from your anxiety than I do with mine and I really feel for you! I'm sure with the right help things will pick up for you and you will be happier.

[Mindles]

Although a magic wand would be wonderful wouldn't it!

I forgot to put in my last post, and I'm sure you know this deep down, but your problems don't make you any less of a fantastic mum. Your kids are gorgeous, btw!

[Nbg]

Thanks Mindles

I have been taking the Citalopram from the begining of December last year and after the first 4 weeks I started to feel alot better, I really noticed the difference. I also worked really hard on cutting out certain things from my diet like cheese, chocolate, fizzy drinks, alcohol I dont drink so that wasnt an issue.
Then came xmas and we were given hoards of chocolate. I think because I felt quite good, I gave in and ate loads and lo and behold the following days I felt bad again.
Then it started to make me feel sick and after going back to the dr's they lowered it from 20mg to 10mg. But since then I have been really lax as I said.

This week coming will be a real test as I have no one at all to help me out and I have no choice but to get dd to school on my own.

[Mindles]

Aw I really feel for you. It must be hard for you being pregnant as well. Do you have any friends or family in the area? Sadly you're the other end of the country to me or I'd invite you round for a cuppa! If you don't know many people your mw might be able to put you on to some people in a similar situation?

In my area there is tons of stuff aimed at helping young mums (bleurgh crap term - but it includes anyone who was between 16-25 when they had their child/ren so wide range of people there) but I'd never know if it weren't for the fact that one of my close friends is heavily involved.

Missed out of one of last night's posts re: the support group run by HV - maybe there is something like this in your area? If not I could copy some of the paperwork for you if you want it! There are a couple of relaxation exercises which are really good, especially for when you're feeling really anxious. Don't know about panic attacks because I don't think I've ever had one but these breathing tricks can really work for your garden-variety anxiety.

I spent ages yesterday at four crafting a sympathetic and well constructed message(I have an awful sense of humour which comes out at the most inappropriate moments and can really offend, so I try hard to keep humour out!), then bloody dp came home and closed my ie window before I had a chance to post it!

[Mindles]

Oh and someone else said it already, but I'll say it again because my CPN said something similar to me and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy!

but you are doing so well in that you do go out even though you find it really hard.

It shows real strength that you can do that, so don't underestimate how well you're doing just by getting through each day!


Oh and about the pills? I am crap at taking them too - I have an alarm set on my phone for 8am every day to remind me. It works as well!

[Nbg]

lol

Thats really nice of you, I would pop round but I'm not sure I could walk that far
We're virtually on our own here. My parents and family are 30 miles away and my parents can only get down on days off.
Dh's family are about 70 miles away and although his parents dont work they dont really visit much and havent been all that sympathetic about things. All MIL has said is that I should get on with it but I dont think for a minute she understands everything.
And apart from family I dont really have any friends. We've only been here just a year this month and things havent really picked up iyswim, since. I do know one girl who I am friendly with and she has a baby the same age as my ds but her has been battling with cancer for 6 months and he died last week . So understandably she has other things to deal with atm.

[Mindles]

I can sympathise because my parents both live miles away too. DP's mum is just down the road but moving soon anyway, and her delightfully charming comment was "I don't think I had time for post-natal depression". Which would be less surprising if she hadn't been on ads herself for the last 7 years for various reasons!!!

It's really hard to meet people isn't it? I lucked out a bit cos we have college friends in the Sussex area, but only one has a child and she didn't suffer with pnd so I don't feel I can talk to her. Ask your mw or hv though, cos my hv is always waffling about packing me off to toddler groups god how I hate groups of mothers! But maybe she will know a couple of people she could introduce you to.

My CPN suggested doing things with the baby where I might meet like-minded people, rather than just people my age, for example baby signing or something like that. I can imagine that would be hard for you with two kids and a third on the way, but it's a thought.

Have you got any plans for the weekend?

[Nbg]

My MIL has said the exact same thing!
And then she tries to say how she had to deal with having a 3rd baby with two others, except at the time dh was 8 and his sister was 10
Not quite 3 and 10 months is it

There is a mum and toddler group round the corner but because I'm finding it difficult to get out the house or should I say I dont like going out of the house, I'm really reluctant to go. Plus they'll all be shut in 2 weeks for summer.

Sadly no plans for the weekend as dh is 3 days into working a solid fortnight.

[Mindles]

Doesn't sound the same to me! Granted I've only got one, and not planning any more for a while yet, but I really can't imagine looking after toddlers and a baby is the same as looking after bigger children and a baby.

Sometimes I think it's pointless talking to people about how I feel because they just don't seem to get it! DP's mum, my mum, my dad, they've all been really sympathetic, but full of crap suggestions like, have a run in the morning, get a hair cut, try not to think about it!!!

I hope your weekend was ok. Does your dh work away from home?

I know what you mean about not wanting to go out although I usually find I'm ok once I get out. I'm having an inner battle this morning because I've got my support group/course thing and I am sooo tired! But I should go.

Mother and toddler groups seem to me to be some bizarre form of torture - great idea in theory - my friend is involved in one I've been to a couple of times but I can't imagine anything worse than going to one where I didn't know anyone - I am not very good at making friends with strangers!

Funnily enough about the citalopram I slept late yesterday morning and forgot to take my tablet until midday - I felt awful. Really grumpy and miserable, till I remembered and took, and then felt better almost immediately. Weird, eh?

Maybe it would be good if you talked to your doctor again about your ads - I was thinking about this the other day, because I sometimes get quite anxious and panicky late at night (take my pill at 8am), and I wondered if it was possible to split the dose, take 10mg in the morning and then another 10mg before bed. Maybe that would help alleviate your sickness? I don't know much about anti-depressants...!

Hope you're feeling ok today