A year ago, whilst going through a very acrimonious break up, I by chance bumped into a dear old friend from my school days. He too had separated from his wife some 4 years earlier. We became very close, he supported me, would be a shoulder to cry on, at the end of a call if needed. And over the months we developed feelings for each other.
Due to the nature of my break up, and also in the best interests of my children (DS15 and DD9), I did not them of this relationship. I would when the time was right but I wanted to ensure this man was right before I did so.
He is lovely in every way, kind, caring, polite, gentlemanly, fun and engaging.
Then 2 months ago I watched my new-found friend, unravel before my very eyes. Unbeknown to me, my NFF is bipolar 1. Unbeknown to me, he had an episode 5 years ago following the break up with his long-term partner of 23 years and mother of his children DDs 26 and 19. Unbeknown to me he was taking meds to control his moods. Unbeknown to me he stopped taking those meds without prior consultation with his GP at Christmas time. And faired extremely well, until he imploded at the end of August. The pressure of a job interview, moving house, and my situation with an abusive ex husband.
I am utterly devastated, this was the man I was considering introducing to my children one day, this is the man I felt could be a long-term partner. We are both 47, and I gelt he may be the one I see out my years with. I never in a million years would have guessed he was Bipolar, he did say that there was something he wanted to tell me but when he did eventually tell me he thought I was going through enough and was waiting for the right time.
I now know I knew nothing about Bipolar, even if he had told me would I have known it could lead to him being hospitalised and now sectioned whilst they try their hardest to find the right balance of meds to bring him out of this manic episode. I don’t think I would, Bipolar is used so loosely these days to describe people when they have ups and downs.
So here I am, with the person I was falling in love with, sectioned in a secure psychiatric unit. Only my sister and a close friend knows of our friendship. He in his current mental state refers to me as his future wife and with that he expects that I can come and visit everyday as if we were in a full and open relationship but we are not. His mum, dad and sons know now because it was me who had to take him to hospital to be admitted.
With the stigma this illness has and the fact we were just embarking on our relationship, I cannot just breakdown and share it with just anyone.
I am splitting myself in two, making up gym appointments so I can go visit. Trying to be the best Mum I can be for my children following the split (which had been a long time coming and needed to happen – ours was a toxic marriage) and also trying to be there for him is just so hard. Obviously, my children come first, but how do you tell someone who is currently mentally ill that you need to step back a little, that your children need you and you will try to be there when you can but it cannot be everyday.
My NFF well would understand that, my unwell, well I just don’t know.
We are 6 weeks into his stay, he has had some leave and a couple of overnight stays but when he went home, he missed some of his meds and ended up almost in a worst state than when he went in, which resulted in him being sectioned. Originally he was voluntary.
He was allowed leave this weekend just gone, and as my children were with their dad he stayed with me one night but I couldn’t be with him every hour of the day he came out due to commitment I had with my children.
During the time he spent on his own, he went shopping and my NFF who was normally so careful and sensible with his money, blew £500+ on food shopping, DIY stuff from B&Q etc, flowers and plants for me. On top of that he smoked ciggy one after the other all evening and when he wasn’t smoking he was squirreling away ornaments and toiletries in strange places in my house. He clearly was/is still very unwell.
I am so desperately unhappy, yet trying to put a brave face on everything that has happened as I have mentioned only one person really knows what I am going through.
They say the last stint in hospital was 12 weeks, and I would say he hasn’t come far in 6 so we are looking at 12 weeks + this time I am sure.
And then when he gets well, where does that leave us, my children have been through enough with their own father and me. 6 months ago, I seriously would feel that in 12 months or so I would be happy to introduce my NFF to my children and when he was well again, I would still be confident to do that but my worry is what happens if he relapses, there are no guarantees.
I just don’t know what to do or where to turn and I miss his company terribly.
When I split with my ex, I did say to myself I would be happy to it being just me and the children and it may look as though that is how it will be except a little bit of my heart is now broken and there is a gap there which wasn’t there before.
In some ways, I wish we had never reconnected but we have had some wonderful times, so better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?
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Mental health
Bipolar Episode - feeling lost :(
15 replies
Jojo2347 · 10/10/2017 12:02
OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer ·
17/10/2017 19:12
He is well at the moment thank you 
last time he was stable for 3 years, then his psychiatrist stopped his medication and he relapsed 18 months ago, he is stable again now so long may that last.
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