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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Mental health

To think that you find out who your friends are

78 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 21:58

I am a lone parent and have little support at the moment. I'm struggling and have been self harming and crying daily. I've withdrawn from social media and am clearly not my usual self. My mum lives 5 minutes away and has not called or texted at all. She doesn't offer to help with the dc ever. Most of my friends are not interested either. I have maybe 3 good friends who do ask how I am. When I was feeling really low last week it made it worse that my own mum isn't interested and that people I really thought were friends evidently are not.

OP posts:

Report

KityGlitr · 23/09/2017 22:54

Ring your local IAPT team Monday morning. You can normally self refer for an assessment for psychological therapy. If they can't help you they'll probably signpost you to someone who can. It's the same place your GP will refer you to if they think it's appropriate so you're just skipping a step and being efficient.

2sCompany · 23/09/2017 22:54

You DO matter, of course you do. As a single parent, you often just end up being 'mum' and forgetting that you are a person in your own right. For me, it was easier to focus on getting better for the kids, to begin with, as doing it for myself seemed pointless at the time as I didn't feel worth it. Just felt like a starting point I suppose, 'til you can work on you for you... if that makes any sense!

Wolfiefan · 23/09/2017 22:55

Good luck with the GP. Everything is easier to deal with if your MH is good. It really is. Kids and job and life in general.
You do matter. Getting well matters. I think it matters even more if you have kids. That's not meant to guilt trip you. Being unwell does NOT make you a bad parent.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 22:55

Again I'm worrying about taking time off work for therapy and missing classes. I know I shouldn't be. I'd have to let work know etc

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2sCompany · 23/09/2017 22:56

Take the October appt so you've got something for definite - then you can also call daily (if/when you get the chance) to try and get something sooner. Then you can cancel the later appt.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 22:56

I would rather focus on getting better for me. I'm still functioning for them, but I feel like I've lost myself a bit and I want to get back to being me.

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KityGlitr · 23/09/2017 22:57

You can tell work it's a recurrent medical appointment for a condition. They don't need details. Sometimes they can schedule around your hours or offer later appointments. Ultimately nothing's going to chance unless you take that chance and grab what help is out there.

Do you have diagnosed depression or anxiety? Any specific anxiety? I can signpost you to some excellent self help stuff in the meantime while you're waiting for professional help.

Wolfiefan · 23/09/2017 23:00

You sound just like me. When I look back I can see that the things I was SOOOOO anxious about missing really weren't all that important.
That one lesson? Isn't going to change the grades of a whole class!
Being there to collect a HW? It can wait until next lesson!
Missing a meeting? Read the minutes!
Not going into school when you have a set of books at home to mark. The whole class will have nothing to work on? Paper. They can write on paper!
We immerse outselves in this world and our (pretty much every) waking moment is taken up with work. It's not normal and it's not healthy.
Please be assertive with the receptionist on Monday. Say it can't wait. Say you feel too ill to work. Say you have restarted the pills and need help ASAP. (Obviously it's up to you how much personal info you felt you could reveal.)

2sCompany · 23/09/2017 23:02

I would rather focus on getting better for me.

That's brilliant... and you've made a start on that right here by reaching out. Different strokes for different folks, so you do whatever you know is going to work. The fact that you want to get better is the first step.

Do you mind me asking how/why you self harm? (Obvs you don't have to answer that.) Is it a control thing (it was for me)?

Jewlry · 23/09/2017 23:04

Faron, you're 100% right about doing this for YOU.
Be kind to yourself, do things that make you feel good, access some real life support (which you're doing) and make as much use of anonymous MN support as you see fit.
You getting better for YOU will if course be ultimately good for the children too xx

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 23:06

I just filled an online form in for iapt. I'm scared that my dc might be taken away if I'm honest about how I feel. I scratch my arms (superficially) and hit my head. It has only started very recently and isn't a frequent event as yet. I have been diagnosed with depression.

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mollysfriend · 23/09/2017 23:07

I'm so truly sorry for what you're going through. What you need now is empathy not judgement so please try to ignore those comments. This situation is made even harder by the fact that your own mum can't seem to make time in her day to help you.
What you need is physical, practical help to take the pressure of slightly.
I'm going through an emotional time right now and my family live on the other side of the world. I have no practical support.
When people ask how you are, it's just so much easier to say everything is fine because that's what most people want to hear but if you do have a few close friends who you think you can open up to, please do reach out to them.
Your children will be fine, you need to take care of yourself not just for your kids but because you deserve to be happy too.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 23:07

Yes it is a control thing. I used to be bulimic and that was self harm for me then. I don't do that anymore.

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Jewlry · 23/09/2017 23:11

Your children won't be taken away from you based on what you've said so far. You're not in a good place, have depression and feel alone. But you're focused. Yes you are. And you've sought support. You will get through this. I don't know exactly when but you will x

PS when I'm not feeling great I step away from Facebook. The fakeness of people's "wonderful" lives, massive social circles is hard to swallow at the best of times

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 23:14

I deactivated Facebook three weeks ago and I haven't missed it. I am going to ensure that I get myself better whatever it takes.

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mollysfriend · 23/09/2017 23:14

You need to get better for you. Grant yourself permission to think of yourself. Sometimes the whole martyrdom around motherhood annoys me. No, I matter too. Not just for my kids, but for me too.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 23:15

The supportive comments are so helpful. Thank you. I think I just needed to reach out and not feel alone.

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Jewlry · 23/09/2017 23:15

You're an inspiration x
Such straight shining through.

Jewlry · 23/09/2017 23:15

You're an inspiration x
Such straight shining through.

KityGlitr · 23/09/2017 23:16

Wow nice work on filling the iapt form already!

I can't make promises as some random on the internet but in my experience acknowledging you're self harming superficially shouldn't necessarily trigger any concerns about your kids if you don't do it around them, self harm is a really common part of depression for a lot of people and doesn't say anything about your ability to care for your kids.

Having kids taken away is way way far down a line when all else has been tried, and only done if there's a genuine concern you're not able to keep them safe, which it sounds like you are doing. You can discuss your worries with therapist and ask them what their confidentiality rules and procedures are and mention you're worried about the consequences of admitting how low you feel once you build up some trust. I work in the field (though not for iapt) and it's very common to hear people self harming to cope, parents or otherwise. They won't bat an eyelid xx

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 23:17

Thank you so much. I can't believe how helpful this thread has been actually, especially as I've been feeling so negative.

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millifiori · 23/09/2017 23:17

Far - tell the GP receptionist it's an urgent mental health problem. They are likely to react very differently if you do. If you just call for an appointment without saying why then they fob you off but ime, if you give the reason they find you an emergency appointment as soon as possible.

Missythecat · 23/09/2017 23:17

So many dreadful posts on here.

By people who have no clue as to what it takes to be a complete lone parent.

Trust me lovely you're doing great. Yes GPs are crap. They don't get the drudgery. But they are not meant to. And counselling is good but won't change the practical level.

Ok lovely grit your teeth, you're doing awesome, you can do his it'll e easier. But well done you you x

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 23/09/2017 23:20

Thank you Missy. It is practical help I need. The dcs dad does have them every other weekend but nothing extra.

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mollysfriend · 23/09/2017 23:21

Sending you a hug. You're doing such a tough job and with no support while tackling mental health issues and holding down a job. You do matter, not just as a mum but as a woman. I really hope you get the help you need and that you can smile again xxxxxxx

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