To think that you find out who your friends are

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I am a lone parent and have little support at the moment. I'm struggling and have been self harming and crying daily. I've withdrawn from social media and am clearly not my usual self. My mum lives 5 minutes away and has not called or texted at all. She doesn't offer to help with the dc ever. Most of my friends are not interested either. I have maybe 3 good friends who do ask how I am. When I was feeling really low last week it made it worse that my own mum isn't interested and that people I really thought were friends evidently are not.

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I haven't managed to ring the gp. The engine light came on in my car this morning and I was panicking and have had to get an appointment at the garage. Hope it isn't anything too bad. I also have a lesson observation. I have, however, got a repeat prescription for the anti depressants I was on and I have a referral through from healthy minds so I can get an assessment. So I seem to have bypassed the gp.

I don't need the Samaritans. I really don't see the point. I rang once and didn't find them at all helpful. Made me feel more alone that I had to get sympathy from a volunteer and not friends.

[SophieLMumsnet]

Hi OP,

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this. We wanted to share Mind's information with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help, should you need it. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the link above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.

We're going to move this thread over to our Mental Health topic.

[PoorYorick]

See this is it, OP. The help is there but you must tell people that you need it. Email them if you don't feel able to phone. But just like friends and family, the doctors need to be told that you're struggling.

I am sure that if you'd been as frank with people in real life as you have been on here, you'd have got a similar response.

[TammySwansonTwo]

I'm so sorry your mum is being so utterly useless. Mine passed away a few years ago and our relationship wasn't perfect but I know she would be here supporting me the twins if she were still alive. I would tell her straight and then keep your distance - spell out how much you're struggling and that at times like this she should be supportive of you. If that isn't enough I doubt she will ever change.

I completely understand how you're feeling. I'm so exhausted and in so much pain at the moment that I've felt scarily low the last few days - haven't felt like this for a long time. I think you're doing phenomenally well to be getting up every day and working. Is there any chance of being signed off for a while? I would call your gp surgery during the day and explain the situation - you can't call at 8:30 because you're a teacher but you are having severe mental health problems and need to see someone urgently. Many practices will find a way to squeeze you in in these circumstances

[Wolfiefan]

You may have to. You must seek RL medical help. If you can't work and get an appointment (can someone cover for you at the critical time) then you need to take the time off. It's the logical thing to do.
This is the first step to recovery.

[Justaboy]

Well if you don't, how are you to get better?.

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I don't feel able to call in sick

[Wolfiefan]

Call in sick tomorrow and call first thing?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I've still not rung. I need to as feeling worse today

[EddChinasVagina]

Don’t forget that everyone considers themselves to be the main character in the movie that is life.

I’m sorry that you’re having a shitty time. I’ve been in your position and it sucks.

[Justaboy]

Farontothemaddingcrowd, got an appointment arranged as yet?.

[Littlepleasures]

After many frustrations trying to book and attend doctor's appointments without taking time off when I was teaching, the doctor told me to explain to the receptionists that I was a teacher and couldn't phone at the given times or attend the next appointment in line. "They'll be very understanding, " he grinned. Never did try that as online appointments were introduced with the 7am to 8 am slots being ideal for a teacher. Might be worth trying with your surgery if there is no online booking.

[Justaboy]

I've just texted my line manager now. Feel a bit vulnerable.

Good that's a start but do stand up for yourself as vulnerable as you do feel its you that needs to get better this journey it seems has started well done now be brave and carry it through!.

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

My friend at work was told she had to see her counsellor outside of school hours. It can be like that in teaching. People can't just cover your lesson between the hours of 10 and 1 when the gp might ring for a consultation. And you can't abandon a class to take a call.
I've just texted my line manager now. Feel a bit vulnerable.

[Justaboy]

Telephone appointments are also tricky if I'm teaching as I can't just abandon a class to answer the phone, but I will try to sort something out. I would be allowed time off but I hate taking time off work if I can possibly avoid it.

Ermm.. Look. Your health is Important! get that?, yes it does come across you are a very conscientious teacher, not the most stress free profession either but you MUST look after your own health for everyone's benefit. Go and speak to the flipping head or someone very senior say that your not feeling that well and need to see a medical professional if there're anyone decent or humane then they'll let you go.

Unless your trying the find a reason not to go?

And if you are disabuse yourself of that right now and get on with seeing the doc GP in the first instance be brave please! Come on you can do this!

I've had to do a similar thing in the past not easy I know but you must seek help Right!

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Feeling wobbly today. Need to try to get up the courage to speak to someone at work

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Telephone appointments are also tricky if I'm teaching as I can't just abandon a class to answer the phone, but I will try to sort something out. I would be allowed time off but I hate taking time off work if I can possibly avoid it.

[Justaboy]

Farontothemaddingcrowd There is a good thing going on here you might not realize it but you recognize that you do have a problem and you are trying the get help for it and well done on that:)

Is it really that much of a problem to get some time off work to see the doctor after all this is your biggest priority right now won't they let you do that at work?

[PoorYorick]

To add, OP....you told us, a bunch of strangers, very frankly how you were feeling and what was happening, got a wonderful outpouring of support and you already feel better. Try doing the same to the people closest to you.

Cues such as not posting on Facebook any more just aren't as obvious as you might think. You need help, you deserve help....please, ask for it.

[2sCompany]

Agree with Sidekicksally too - when one of my friends found out how depressed I was, she couldn't believe it - I was life and soul of the party, a "strong, independent woman(!)", I couldn't possibly be depressed, that just wasn't who I was... to the outside world. It's very likely that you're so good at showing you're coping, that people don't realise that you need more support than you're letting on.

[thenettyprofessor]

take a deep breath. I have no friends or family near, they visit once a year on eldest DD1 birthday, i have moved a few times and where we are now i am struggling to find friends I have by just being me and nothing else met a friend!! We are different yet similar. She is lovely but i find myself backing off because im scared ifkwim i have been used to doing it all myself and now well, I cancel on her in fact I`m a horrid friend I am used to being alone and its how it should be. I will shhh now

[OnlyGodKnowsWhy]

Op, it sucks I know. Some people just don't understand mental health. If you were physically unwell, the likelyhood is that you would get more support. Mental health however, if you haven't experienced it, you just don't really comprehend it.

I had a breakdown three years ago and I'll never forget my father giving me a lift to an emergency gp appointment (I was so unwell at this point I was genuinely convinced I was dead and in hell, psychotic thoughts) and telling me he could only do it the once as he was busy.

My mother however, who understands mental health, was there every step of the way, so much so she came close to losing her job trying to help me back on my feet.

You do learn who is there and who isn't when things like this happen. However I try my best not to judge because I do firmly believe people don't get mental health problems.

I will also say that when someone is very depressed, they become very self centred. This isn't out of meanness, it's part of the nature of the illness and it can be very wearing on those trying to support. Sometimes it can even lead the supporting person into depression themselves. When I was really unwell, all I could think about was how much I was suffering, I was unable to consider how those around me were struggling with my illness whilst trying to go about their own lives too.

Unfortunately I also understand how difficult it can be to get appointments and the lack of mental health services available. I would try asking for a gp to call you for a telephone appointment, they usually do the same day and they can then arrange an appointment for you. Keep trying and don't give up.

It hurts a lot when someone as close as a parent doesn't seem to care when you are suffering. As I say, I won't ever forget my father saying that to me. It affects your self esteem. But at some stage, when you are in recovery, you learn that when people let you down, you don't have to emotionally invest in those feelings.

I hope you get help very soon x

[PoorYorick]

First of all, I am really, really sorry you're having such a terrible time at the moment.

At the same time, though, I don't think you can necessarily blame people for not knowing how much you're struggling if you don't tell them. Nobody will notice if you stop posting on social media, news feeds are busy. You may think you're clearly not your usual self, but others don't know what's going on in your mind, and you may not be as different to usual as you think.

If you need help, you need to ask for it. And if you want people to know or understand something, you must be prepared to tell them.

[2sCompany]

Hope you don't think I'm telling you what to do - just wanted to let you know you are not alone, you're not the only person to feel like this and you WILL get through this. This thread you've started here is the first step.

My self harm took many forms (razors were my main go-to), but it was always so that I could be in control of my own pain. Nothing and no-one was making me hurt as much as I could make myself hurt and it meant I was in control. Try not to get into that cycle again if you can help it, I know it's so hard. But its a good sign that you can see the way it's going and you want to get out before it becomes a habit.

You're doing brilliantly x

[PricklyBall]

Faron, . I second the suggestion of telling your line manager that you need to make an appointment with the GP and can they find someone to cover for you for half an hour while you phone up to book an appointment. You really do need to see someone as a matter of urgency.