To be totally unimpressed and angry at DH

[Lesausage]

My ds who is 4 hadn't been well today and this evening his eyes started swelling really badly. I suffer horrible panic attacks triggered by anything health accident wise with my dc.

I gave him piriton and called DH (he had gone out to play sport this evening) and after him not answering I left a message asking him to come home and called my mum who came round and calmed me down. Thank fuck my ds is ok, his eyes went down and I relaxed, ds relaxed and my parents went home.

About an hour later DH came home and I was upset and cried explaining what had happened. Turns out that he hadn't even taken his phone, it was on silent in the cupboard and had countless missed calls and messages from me.

DH has said sorry and said its the only time he hasn't taken his phone with him but I'm upset he didn't think, what about if it had been an emergency? What if something horrible happened?

My anxiety is horrible when it comes to the kids for various reasons which are being dealt with but I just feel a bit that DH didnt think and went out without a phone when he knows this.

He said sorry and I've accepted the apology and all is fine but inside I'm angry. AIBU to think he was selfish?

[Lesausage]

theraininthewind that is exactly how it feels, it's horrifying.

I'm on various medications and counseling but my trigger will always be there no matter how much I try to overcome my issues.

DH and I are with ds in our bed tonight so I'll probs stay awake and keep watch over him while DH reads etc.

[Topseyt]

Please get help for your anxiety. That reaction was way OTT, and I am not trying to be unkind by saying that.

Your DH did nothing wrong, I don't think. We all forget things, but if there had been any form of real emergency you would have dialed 999 and you would have managed.

Children get ill. It happens frequently, but you will drive yourself insane if you carry on like this. They are often bouncier and more resilient than we give them credit for.

[MrsCaptainReynolds]

With the kindest intentions, your DH isn't responsible for managing/ resolving your anxiety.

[blackrabbitwhiterabbit]

I dont think you should hover over your ds like a helicopter tonight- surely you are only passing on your anxieties to him?

[Caff2]

I can imagine your anxiety too, I am also prone to panic - however, your post made me a bit cross. I am waiting for test results from a child who is very, very sick. So I am finding it hard not to be impatient about your post about your basically well child, I know this isn't your fault.

[blackrabbitwhiterabbit]

TBH it doesn't sound like there was much reason to panic anyway - i feel sorry for your poor dh!

[FlabulousChix]

You need to get some cbt and get these anxieties addressed before you cause your child problems. Your husband can deal with it as he knows you your so. Is different and will be led by the way you react to things

[TheRainInTheWoods]

OP-would you consider having this thread moved to Mental Health?

If you're really OK with it remaining in aibu that's fine of course... I just think you may get a lot of unhelpful posts.

Try to get some sleep tonight.

[iHAVEtogetoutofhere]

I think you need to be kind - to him and yourself.

You KNOW you have anxiety - you ARE getting help.

You DID have a back up plan when you couldn't reach him (which WILL happen again due to battery/signal etc)

You MANAGED. Well done :)
There will be other things, and you'll manage them too.
Have faith in yourself.x

Go give him a hug. Let him keep an eye on your ds tonight - don't stay awake it wont help - you'll just be tired and ratty tomorrow.

[TheRainInTheWoods]

And CBT was hard work but changed my life!

The anxietys still there. But knowable now.

[Lesausage]

caff my dd has a very rare neurological syndrome which effects her greatly so I can understand you feeling cross. I'm worse when dd gets ill (she can be hospitalized when sick)

[CheesyDibbles]

I think that, as already suggested by another poster you need a backup plan. You need to know what you would do in an emergency and that you could do it by yourself. So, make sure that you know exactly where your emergency contact numbers and addresses are for GP and local A&E, Minor Injuries etc. if I were you, I would put it all into your phone so you have it all there if you need it. Have you considered going on a first aid course/St John's Ambulance Course? It might make you feel more in control of your child's health and safety.

I do think that your anxiety is the issue here and not your DH. In an ideal world he would have had his phone with him, but nobody can be contactable all the time. I think you need to equip yourself to deal with these situations.

[blankgaze]

When something happens to dc and your DH is not there, you are there and you deal with it. Because you have to, and you do it very well.

What would you have done if your DH was several hours' travel away or abroad - you'd have done the same as you did, dealt with it.

Perhaps some anxiety-reducing techniques would benefit you, alongside lots of coping mechanisms that you can practise for day to day life with children. You can cope, honestly, it's just easier if you know what to do before the situation happens.

[CheesyDibbles]

Ps, I hope that didn't sound unsympathetic - I fully understand how awful anxiety can be.

[PatriciaHolm]

Please get some sleep. Tomorrow will be even harder if you don't.

Presumably your husband doesn't have the phone on him when he is actually playing sport?

[Readingwritingandarithmetic]

What caused your sons swelling eyes? Is this something that has happened before? I think you dealt with it well, medicating and involving your parents for support, your reaction with dh was prob part relief too, all was fine. Don't be too hard on yourself.

[Corygal]

Just because you have anxiety doesn't mean everyone else has to. It's a good thing - indeed, essential for the mental health of your son - that your DH is calmer and more able to cope with everyday things.

Your problem sounds to me more that you are using your diagnosis as a means to control others. Be honest with yourself -are you being manipulative? You won't ever recover when your neuroses are being fed, unfortunate as that is.

Have you thanked your DM for dropping everything to rescue you when DS had to take a Piriton? You should do. It sounds harsh, but you must stay reasonable and polite with others, not use the illness as an excuse to get others jumping for you.

Work on yourself, not controlling others.

[Studyingmummy]

How did we all manage in the days before mobiles?? This modern thing where we all have to be contactable 24/7 really bugs me! I'm pretty sure my parents had to deal with emergencies while the other parent was absent! They coped as would you if needed OP! I think YABU, people forget their phone, lose them battery goes flat etc give your DH a break!

[Lesausage]

corygal Im a bit offended by your post, I would never control my family and DH and of course I thanked my mum. I don't know how you came to that conclusion

[YouTheCat]

Some of you are being really harsh.

OP suffers from anxiety and depression and she's getting treatment but there is no magic wand.

If she had a broken leg would you expect her to get up and run as soon as the cast was off?

These things need time.

[Lesausage]

* thank you YOU and RAIN*

[PenelopePitstops]

I can see both sides here. Crippling anxiety is hard, but you have suffered since 14 and not got it sorted. CBT is what you need, for prolonged treatment.

Your thoughts aren't rational and calling someone whilst you give your child a piriton is also not a 'normal' reaction.

I know these things take time, you have had 15 years.

[editthis]

Nothing much more to add, other than I completely understand how you feel and am somewhat comforted by the knowledge that others feel and react to the same things exactly the way I do. I think I need to get help.

[Lesausage]

edit for you x

[Diamond23]

It sounds like a lot of pressure on your DH