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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

is this pnd or just normal ?

39 replies

claire7471 · 19/09/2006 10:47

hi,

i'm new here, been reading threads on pnd as getting concerned about feeling very crappy off and on, can't decide if i've got pnd or am just (over)reacting to day to day events.....

on the one hand everything looks perfect. i've got a 5 1/2 month old boy, he's healthy, good natured, smiley, i've got a good bond with him and feel pretty confident i'm doing a good job looking after him. i wanted a child so much and my dreams came true. visitors and family are always saying how relaxed and competent i am, what a happy baby he is. i live with my partner, he's a good dad, i'm going back to work in a month two days a week and we're going to share childcare.not much money consequently but enough, there's so much good in my life and as my partner says 'there's nothing wrong, everythings fine'........ but....

there are times when i feel totally overwhelmed by everything i have to do, small tasks seem to defeat me, i'm constantly enormously irritated by my partner and pick fights that then leave me feeling devastated...just about anything can reduce me to tears, this morning not being able to get the lid off a jamjar, i've got aches and pains in my joints, i feel guilty about not being a good enough mum, being a horrible girlfriend, the house not being clean....i worry about things that might happen to my son when he's older, i worry about what would happen if i die, i've begun to avoid seeing other people just feel really stressed and uncomfortable making small talk, putting up a front, i don't know many people well round here..i'm not looking forward to going back to work at all, i've become preoccupied with the thought that i look really unattractive, to the point where it took me ages to get dressed and take baby for routine gp visit yesterday, getting waves of anger and hopelessness and exhaustion....but then i seem to be able to pull it together again and look back and feel a bit stupid.....i'm still looking after baby ok but it's as if all my energy goes into him and i have no resources left.......after big row and breaking down last night my partner is listening and taking me seriously but i don't know what to do, seem to have lost all sense of perspective, can't tell if what i'm feeling is normal or not....if this rings a bell with anyone please let me know...

OP posts:

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bakedpotato · 25/09/2006 22:10

Just wondering how you got on today, Claire.

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Kiwiem · 25/09/2006 22:21

Hi Claire, I've was feeling exactly like you for several months...eventually went to GP because of horrendous aching joints. She did bloods and called me the next day to tell me I had post-partum thyroiditis. Mine was overactive so I've been on tablets since which helped initially. Definitely worth asking about this, and I really feel for you...I started to think I was going mad. Actually, I think I probably did have (do have?! ) some form of PND as well.

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Kiwiem · 25/09/2006 22:22

BTW, sorry to hijack but what's the edinburgh test?

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kittywits · 25/09/2006 22:44

It's the assessment test the health visitor should do x weeks postnatally . I've always called it the "Are you depressed test?" if you have a high score then they'll retest a little later on to see if things are getting better. I'm pretty sure that's the test anyway.

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Kiwiem · 25/09/2006 23:10

Thanks, never heard of it but then my HV was crap!

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beegee · 26/09/2006 10:00

Hi Claire

I'm recovering from PND - i've taken ADs and been on them now for a few mths..i resisted at first but i needed them BIG time and i finally gave in.

What has struck me about what you're saying is that you weren't looking forward to going out for a meal when that would usually love it. That is a classic PND symptom. It's like you've had a personality change and things you would usually enjoy or cope with you can't anymore.

I remember if someone asked me how was i feeling i couldn't answer them because it was either really crap or i just didn't know anymore. I lost all perspective and that's a common sign too.

The pendulum mood swings are another common symptom. There would be times i felt i was coping fine and then a small incident would give me heart pulpitaions and i would get a panick attack. It was completely weird to me as i had never suffered any of this before (with ds1 i was completely fine)

I also remember feeling tired all the time even if i'd had a rest. It was like no amount of rest would ever fix it.

BTW good idea to have a blood test to check thyroid. I did - mine was fine tho.

My main feeling i had when it was really bad was almost like someone had spiked my drink with awful drugs. You can't 'snap out of it' - impossible. You feel trapped by your feelings and trapped in your head/body.

It does get better. I'd be happy to post regularly to see how you (or others) are getting on. Support - from people who know - is vital.

Big love to you - it will not last for ever.

ps - origina - looking back mine def started when i was pg.

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beegee · 26/09/2006 10:04

BTW i was fortunate enough to have a PND councillor in my area. Seeing her really helped. I remember her saying that symptoms can get worse around your period so that's what you're probably experiencing.

Does your hv know how you are?

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helling · 02/10/2006 12:54

Kristina - I didn't know sore hands was symptom of thyroid problems?! Have had problems with both depression and sore hands all my life! Now v depressed, baby 3 1/2 months, v sore and weak hands!! Thyroid problems in family too. Will get it checked out this pm at baby clinic. If it turns out that this is the problem will be eternally grateful!

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helling · 02/10/2006 12:54

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pennytiff · 04/10/2006 10:52

All these conversations is making me cry (finally)

I did the test about a month and a half ago and hv said I was suffering mildly from PND but DD is now 4.5months and I have got worse.

I can not sleep, well I fall asleep at 9.30pm and then wake at 1pm and am awake till 5 while DD sleeps all night. I have anxiety all the time and find it hard to be happy.

I love my DD so much that it is overwhelming and she is such a good baby I really should be happy but I am working part-time but the worries and stresses of work are taking over and I can not deal with it all. I wanted a baby and didn't expect to be working but financially have to. DH is understanding but I can not really explain how I really feel. I feel embarrased and ashamed to tell anyone other than family as I feel like I am failing.

I just want to come out of this 'dark phase'.

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beegee · 05/10/2006 20:36

Hi penny

I'm here for you if you want to chat...I really know what you're going through with the anxiety and insommnia. It's baaaaaddd.

Please don't feel ashamed. It's not a weakness. You're ill and you will get better. It'll probably take time. You're not alone.

xxx

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pennytiff · 09/10/2006 11:26

Thanks Beegee,

I decided to get an emergency appointment on Friday. I sat and told two female dr's how I felt, of course the flood gates opened. I know as a rational person, I have nothing to be ashamed about but it feelsd very strange telling people face to face as I am not one to cry in front of strangers.

Any way, they have put me on mild AD's to see how I get on but they have also suggested councilling. God, I never thought I would be in this position. I just want the AD's to take effect and give me a little ease during the grey moments.

I relate to what everyone says about not looking forward to going out, I don't really like the thought of socialising and normally I am the first to want to be around friends.

I'll get there I suppose.

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bakedpotatooooowoooh · 09/10/2006 13:18

Pennytiff, you will get there, you're right. Well done on getting the appt. Keep us posted.

Wish Claire would post. I wonder how she is getting on.

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beegee · 10/10/2006 19:23

Hi Penny (and Claire if still watching this thread)

I'm so glad you went to see the dr's. It is a big step in the right direction.

The ADs may take a while to work. But don't despair - just know that it will get better. The side effects will go. What are you on? I'm taking citalopram (10mgs) so am on very low dose like yourself. I'm definately recovering now and only get a few grey days every few weeks or so now, so I'm nearly back to my old self.

I completely empathise with what you're relating to regarding confidence and socialising..ditto everything you said.

Councilling is great - i understand if you're feeling nervous about this. It really helps if you can see a councillor who understands PND or has had it themselves. I think it's VERY misunderstood and i want you to be in safe hands.

The first thing my councillor said to me was 'I've NEVER known anyone to not recover from PND'. Sometimes you'll feel like 'Is this the new 'real' me now?' Please hang on to the fact that it won't always be like this and you will feel better one day...it might take a while but grab all the support you can.

I'm glad you posted - i have been watching this thread and i will continue to watch it. Don't disappear!

Hugs xx