Need help/support my DH has had a nervous breakdown :(

[worryforhubby]

My DH has been put under a large amount of stress at work over the past 8 weeks, he has a new area manager who is on some major cost cutting exercise and DH's work has increased due to not being able to have enough staff to cope. (this is a national company) it seems to me as though he is trying to pressure the older more experienced managers (who are on the most money) to quit, so far 15% of the managers have found it unbearable and have quit, but the area manager is quite clever in making it look like he is going by the books.

He had a meeting with DH 10 days ago and said the company is moving in a different direction these days and your style of management is 'old school' and not what the company want, he then proceeded to tell dh about the younger managers and its what they have to offer is what the company want, and what you have to offer is not longer required at your current level, poor DH has been in the job for 20 years and up until 8 weeks ago has always been let to believe he was doing a good job (3 monthly reviews proved this), DH asked him what he needed to do to change, but the area manager replied "what do you think you need to do to change" but as DH had always thought he did a good job, he needed guidance, but he did not get any.

Then he saw DH again a few days ago and suggested that he take a demotion with a 1/3 drop in salary, this would leave us very tight at home, and it sent DH in a bit of a panic, the area manager knew dh was struggling as DH told him, he then told dh yesterday he has a few days to make his decision and if he is staying on in the current role he wants a report on how he is going to improve things, and made it clear that if there was no improvement he would start disciplinary action !! dh was already not sleeping or eating properly and left the room and called me in tears, he was not making much sense, I told him to come home, someone else from work bought him home, dh walked in the door, slid down to the floor and cried uncontrollably for half an hour, I called the doctor who gave him an appointment, dh was in tears throughout the appointment, was babbling and not making much sense, the doctor said he was stressed and it has caused depression and anxiety, he prescribed ad's and referred him to counselling as well as signing him off sick from work.

Since we got back he has done nothing but lay on bed/sofa spaced out, having uncontrollable bouts of tears, he keeps saying to me and the kids he is sorry (its not his fault and we tell him that) but I just hate seeing him like this, I do not know what to do or say to him, I keep cuddling him and telling him it will be ok.

He has started the citalopram, he is feeling spaced out and dizzy today and disorientated.

I just needed let it all out so thanks for anyone who has read this.

When DH is better I think we seriously have to look down the route of making a formal complaint about his mistreatment.

[worryforhubby]

I think the trouble is every meeting has taken place one to one, and it will be dh words again his area manager, dh has always said that his area manager is a very clever man, great with his words and gets dh tied up in knots.

I spoke to his area manager yesterday to update, and the guy came across as very charming and made out he was really worried and wanted whats best for dh, I really wanted to say something but thought I had better bide my time until we know what our next step is.

[SilverStars]

But he could insist on recording every meeting of they continue to be 1:1. He can join the union now even if off ill. That will be a good support too.

[SageYourResoluteOracle]

I just want to say that you sound like the loveliest wife in that you are doing all the right things.

DH was in a similar situation 3 years ago, where he was basically 'got out' as he was put through competency procedures that he couldn't possibly succeed at. The reasons cited were total nonsense. At the time however, I was pregnant and there were complications. We decided to pick the more important battle and chose to put our energies into the baby and not the shite that was happening at work. He'd been there for 11 years- you don't just suddenly become rubbish at your job.

DH had the symptoms you described but only went on medication last Christmas, so a good 2.5 years since losing the job.

Things are much better now and he's in a better place mentally.

If you've got the strength, get the union involved or seek legal representation. This sounds very much like constructive dismissal.

Hang on in there and we're all here holding your hand.

[worryforhubby]

Thanks for the messages :)

We did make it away for the holiday, DH spent 90% of the time in the caravan, which was ok as it was his safe place, he did manage to get out for a little walk most days, he did attempt swimming but pool was too crowded and got a bit much.

Back at home now he has got a bit better, starting to smile a bit more and has laughed a few times over things,he is no longer starring into space most of the time, but still has major dread about anything work related so its still too soon to talk about that.

I have had to speak to his boss several times updating DH's condition, and his boss could not be nicer to me, telling me if there is anything he can do to help dh get better let me know, wanted to scream at him, but as I do not know what we will be doing next, managed (just) to bite my tongue.