Anxiety & Doing New Things

[BrighterLight]

Hi - I am recovering from a really difficult, stressfull period where I can now see I was living with coping mechanisms which haven't done me any favours with my confidence, self esteem and meeting my own needs.

My relationship is not good and I recognise this as something I can't compromise on anymore and I feel very isolated (work for myself - people moved away, sister lives abroad).

Anyhow, I have been doing well managing my feelings and anxiety and somedays I feel back to confident self. I booked a ticket to a concert in London a few months ago, something I used to do many years ago and well, now I feel very scared of going.

Totally shaken me that I feel this way, I have been living with negative, coping skills for so long, when I do go and do something to shake it all off and enjoy, the anxiety and habit thinking tends to resurface. I am scared of spending the whole time anxious.........

The main thing is, I was going with my partner (although he isn't in the slightest bit interested) and now I don't want him to come. We are not getting on and this trip represents something for me. The trouble is, I don't have anyone to come with me and I realised that on top of the anxiety, I will be travelling at night - last train 11.30pm and an hour and a half journey.

I have thought through the times, the taxi's etc but really, I wonder whether I am being stupid to even think of travelling late at night on my own. Regardless of my anxiety - or is this avoidance? I really am stuck as to the best thing to do 'for me'.

Its been years since I did things just for me on my own like this, I used to do it all the time. In my 40's and feel a total whimp? Is this common or is it my anxiety?

Realistically, what are the risks associated with travelling late at night? Are you going to a dodgy area? Is the train safe? I think it's totally normal to feel anxiety about doing something, on your own, which you haven't done in many years. I also think you should do it.

Are you being treated for anxiety? It sounds as if you will really benefit from some talk therapy, could you talk to your gp about a referral?

Hi LastingLight, thanks for your message. Realistically, I am not even sure of the area in London, it's not somewhere I have been before. I have decided to try and find a friend that might like a night out and if not I won't go. It does seem quite a stress to negotiate everything all in one go - I think I should have done a day trip to London or something before hand.

I was referred for some CBT sessions about a year ago and had a follow up, all was going well. It came to the point where I felt I still needed some help with deeper issues holding me back and contacted the service again. They advised counselling but not within NHS. I started seeing someone about 5 weeks ago, which is helping but at the same time bringing things up.

Going to try not beating myself up over all this, because it doesn't help.

I'm glad you are getting help. Finding a friend seems like a good option, I hope you're successful. I've had lots of counselling and I'm training to be a counselor. I've learnt that sometimes it helps to look at the past, to explain how you came to believe the things you do and view the world in a certain way. At other times though that is at best unnecessary and at worst unhelpful. You can simply focus on now - e.g. I don't want to go shopping because I might bump into someone I know and I don't want to talk to people - and find a solution to that problem. That might be to go shopping when it's not busy so less of a chance that you will bump into someone, or better to roleplay the typical interaction with someone you bump into so that you can realise it's not as bad as you think and you have a strategy.

Yes, the counselling thing can be tricky. I was very specific to say I needed to work on the present, my goals and life direction but that I know this is linked to past coping mechanisms. Feelings I need to deal with and not push away. So I use a mix of CBT and understanding of the roots of patterns. I hope it will continue to come together, but it's hard work sometimes :)

Good luck with your training and thanks for the message