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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Mental health

have i made a mistake

91 replies

porkpie12 · 04/09/2013 10:32

started today in year 7 chose a school short drive or 15mins walk we also have a school opposite our house child preferred the other one. went in today dropped them down i have come home in a complete panic thinking i should of chose the one over the road as now worrying about picking up dropping off every day no other children walking this way can't help thinking what have i done

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porkpie17 · 30/10/2013 18:36

me again well half term helped but i just cannot get over the regret that i didn't choose the school over the road it will not go away i can't get passed it and it hurts everyday and i cannot enjoy life at the moment at all i just keep thinking if only she had gone there i would be happy and we could be doing such lovely things

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porkpie13 · 25/10/2013 09:47

i was doing really well yesterday looking at christmas breaks and bonfire nights daughter had a school disco was waiting to collect her and a couple of teachers at the door one i thought was a teacher joking about a couple of olders girls came up and he gave them a hug thought it was a bit off now really anxious about it and the scene keeps going over in my head so back to square one

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HoopHopes · 24/10/2013 23:28

I hope half term helps. As n school situation it may help you? Quieter and easier starts to the day?

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porkpie13 · 24/10/2013 08:47

any help feel i really need counselling for my anxiety but waiting ages for it

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porkpie13 · 24/10/2013 07:59

work up again all nervous this morning cant believe two months ago i was working having fab days out and living the dream how can it all come crashing down just want to get back to how i was any help please feel so awful about leaving my phone in car

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porkpie13 · 23/10/2013 19:32

having bad repetetive thoughts today a few weeks ago went to do pick up said i would be round the corner as normal got out car to wait to see her coming didnt come for a while she had tried to phone to see if it was me or dad picking her up she waited with a friend the friends stepdad came to pick up friend and she said ill walk round corner anyway and friends step dad said were going that way and i was there feel truly awful and guilty as i had left my phone in car feel like i let her down feel sick is this an over reaction please help my anxiety is awful

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porkpie13 · 22/10/2013 11:06

doing ok getting a bit tired now close to half term and the initial excitement has wained hubby thinks it would be cruel to move her at what if there were problems he thinks i would be worse all her friends on street go to schoo across the road so she wouldn't be alone mom thinks the school shes at would wonder why i was taking her out as there are no obvious problems

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piratecat · 21/10/2013 19:34

how is she doing at the other school.

what meds are you on, are you seeing gp regularly.

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HoopHopes · 21/10/2013 19:28

Parents can. And do move children mid term if that would help.

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porkpie13 · 21/10/2013 15:09

any help would be appreciated i know i can't turn back the clock but not doing so well

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porkpie13 · 21/10/2013 13:11

still keep beating myself up all the time if parents would slag off the school across the road i would say i wont hear a word against it it has been wonderful for my son i can't believe i didn't put the school across the road and i am wishing away the next 5 years they say "go with what you know" and god i wish i had i know that if she had gone across the road i would of been fine and now just in a mess advice is needed how to move forward

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porkpie13 · 17/10/2013 19:53

same person just name changed feel no better still feel the same constantly beating myself up for not putting the school across the road we had just a great summer and feel so awful i wish i could turn back the clock cannot see an end to this

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porkpie12 · 01/10/2013 12:07

referred by healthy minds going to do an online sceme in 4 weeks then can see someone in 8 can't stand it can't wait that long

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porkpie12 · 30/09/2013 11:31

really thought i would be getting better by now but its been a month of hell

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porkpie12 · 30/09/2013 11:02

just started letting her go to the local shop with friends this summer played out for a couple of years just life for everyone would of been so much easier if over the road my husband pointed this out at the time but i ignored him over the road has a sixth form too the other doesn't on paper it was so obvious

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/09/2013 11:00

I let my 10 year old catch the bus on his own and walk to the shops and the like. During the summer would you have let your DD do these things or would you have worried too much?

I suspect those worries were already there but they have come out more strongly because the location of the school is putting you in a position where you have to face them.

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porkpie12 · 30/09/2013 10:56

but i was fine before she stared and it just hit me like a train we had a fab 6 weeks hols and some great holidays this year i just dont understand

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/09/2013 10:54

I strongly suspect that the school is the focus for your worries not the cause of your anxiety. It does take a while for the medication to make you feel better so hang in there. I would go into the counselling process with an open mind and see what happens, it may help in ways you don't expect.

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porkpie12 · 30/09/2013 10:45

yes under the gp and waiting for the counselling service to call tom its been four weeks now on medication and it does not seem to be getting any better feeling agrophobic and off work all because i made the wrong decision

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/09/2013 10:41

Have you been to see the GP? You need some proper help to deal with this level of anxiety.

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porkpie12 · 30/09/2013 10:36

no change still feel the same in some ways feel worse can;t sleep can't et my anxiety is awful still want to move her if only i had put it first can't see a way out my life is a mess

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porkpie12 · 26/09/2013 18:53

You are all being lovely just these obsessive thoughts cant believe didnt consider how to get her there everyone was surprised when i said she was going somewhere different to her brother think i was going with the masses

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/09/2013 18:48

porkpie
I agree with Tuhlulah you made the decision when you were feeling better than you are now so in the long term it was probably the best decision for your DD even though it feels hard to live with now.

It does feel a bit like the school run has started to become the focus for all your anxieties. I am also worried that you are very self-critical at the moment. Have you seen your GP to get some more support?

Also remember that you will have good days and bad days and that you are actually coping and getting your DD to and from school so you are probably managing better than you are giving yourself credit for.

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porkpie12 · 26/09/2013 18:42

Thanks for the reply thought i was getting better then picked her up lots of busy traffic got a bit stressed came back and not been good since still beating myselfup about not picking over the road some rough but lots not if i could turn the clock back cant believe this has all happened

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Tuhlulah · 26/09/2013 16:41

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. Small sounds good. You both made that decision and at the time you would have considered all the factors. We torture ourselves deciding on which school, so you wouldn't have made that decision lightly. It was likely to be the right decision then, and still the right one now. And yes, we all listen to what other parents say about schools, but in the end we make the decision on the basis of what's best for our child, and we are best placed for that judgement, because we know our own children best (on the whole!).

It's nearly the weekend. Maybe have a chat with her about what's manageable in terms of her walking a bit here and there. Take baby steps if that's all you feel you can take.

The other posters have offered some great advice and we all seem to be saying much the same thing -she can do it if you let her, you can do it if you let yourself. Baby steps, a bit at a time, but so you feel you have some progress to look back on. Nothing breeds success like success.

You say the school across the road is rough. OK, then you don't want her in there. Forget that school, it's not for her. She is at the best school for her. Now figure out a small plan of action on how to get her there. She is 11, still a baby I know (I still regard my strapping man-child as a baby) but she is old enough to take this step for herself. It is not she who has the problem with it, but you.

You might just have to let her do it, even if you sit at home catastrophising about it all day. But you should use the texting -it offers reassurance. You will know she has arrived. tell yourself you are going to be brave on Monday. And let her walk part of the way.