Health anxiety anyone ?

[Lonelybunny]

I seem to have a problem with health anxiety. I think it was triggered by PND . My daughter is now nearly 9 months . Every pain, twinge , symptom I think it's something really serious. I've already thought I have a brain tumour, back cancer, lymphoma, bladder cancer , and now breast cancer. I last went to the GP last Friday after finding a lump in my breast (I'm breastfeeding ) she said she can't feel it and thinks its glandular breast tissue , and to come back in a month. Well I nearly broke down last week after being silly and googling everything . I'm on the verge of going back to the GP as I'm still freaking out and it's really ruining my life at the moment. Anyone else suffered with this sort of anxiety before ?

[Meganlillymai]

hi forum. how is everyone. hope this thread is still active. here gos
ive always been a 'worryer' but no long after my daughter was born (3years ago) my HA really kicked in. he other night i was in bed and she was figiting about and it felt like mt brain was shivvering. i sat up n realised it was just her moving aout in her sleep. the next night i was fine. night after all i could think about was what if it was some kind of mild fit!! n it happend again. my body doesnt actually move a muscle its just inside my brain it feels shaky! so i experimented and stayed on the couch a few nights.... it never happend i was fine. go back to bed with my baby and it happens again!! is this just my anxiey causing me to be aware of every tiny movmemnt as i also listen for my heat beat aswel. please help!!!

[WasWats]

I have been reading this thread and nodding at all of it.

I have dreadful HA too. I am utterly afraid of life atm and am really not living. I am convinced I have breast cancer / stomach cancer cancer cancer.

I finally went on Lexapro 5 weeks ago. Ironically the side effects are all physical ie weight loss and sore boobs. I am all over the place on it. My GP says to hang on and keep going for 8 weeks, that it can get worse before it gets better but it is hard.

However, I have done 5 I can and will keep going.

I hate this bloody thing and there are very few people you can really talk to it about. I go to a psychotherapist every week but really felt sick and tired of the HA so meds were my last stop.

[strawberryswing]

LonelyBunny I could have written your opening post. I've been suffering terrible health anxiety for months after having some unexplained chest pains. I went hot, dizzy and I was alone with my daughter. I totally freaked out,convinced I was going to have a heart attack any second and that was that.

Over the next few days the pains escalated to all over my body, my neck, back, legs I had searing pains through my hands. I made the mistake of self diagnosising myself through Google. Oh God, since I started to diagnose myself with everything.

Leukemia, heart attack/disease, lymphoma, aortic aneurysm, aortic dissection, dvt, cervical/ovarian/breast/throat cancer, spinal tumor, brain tumor, brain aneyrusm, appendicitis, meningitis you name it I've.'had' it.

Every ache and pain was something serious and life threatening, ive had 4.ECGS, 1 chest xray, 3 sets of bloods and the doctors cant find anythin wrong. My body still hurts to touch, everywhere. It's so frustrating, especially as anxiety causes and worsens the physical symptoms

The past week its been leukemia. I had a sore throat and bone pain, it couldnt possibly be anything else. (bloods were fine!)

Im doing better this week. Ive stopped googling,.I've learned that any symptom, no matter how common/minor can be attributed to a.deathly illness if you search hard enough.

Ive also realised I spent so much time worrying about dying, worrying about not seeing my daughter growing up etc that I'd stopped living. Ironic.

I'm not over it by any means, I worry a lot, I just try not to dwell. Its so difficult, its horrid to live with, I feel for you all.

[Meganlillymai]

My heart burn comes and goes its mental torture. It's under.control at the min but I think a lot of heart burn can be due to worry and stress. I've had an on going cold so because I think my immune system is down I think I have cancer !! How have u been

[ItsAliveItsElectric]

This is my first ever mn post and I am so glad I found this thread. About 2 weeks ago I started getting heartburn/acid reflux on and off. It would be there from waking up to going to bed. I went to doc's on Thursday (took day off work) and he said its prob just the reflux and has booked some blood tests for me on Wednesday to check for anemia. I have been googling (bad) and come up with all kinds if cancers even though the reflux is the only symptom but I am scared it is a sign. I have always been an anxious person, every twinge, headache I think its something serious. I have been tearful since being at the doctor's and convinced the blood tests will show up cancer and I'll get called back to give me the bad news. My DH says I am being ridiculous and irrational but I can't help how I feel. My DC's are 3 and 7 and I keep having these thoughts all day they will be growing up without a mother. :-(. I wish I could think its just a bout of heartburn or reflux. I would love to hear from anyone who has had this who can reassure me!

[Meganlillymai]

I'm feeling a lot better colds still there a tad but glands feel a bit smaller. Now I'm asking myself if they really do feel smaller or is it my imagination.

Making a docs app this week about my anxiety. 1st docs app in years so nervous

[Notsoblonde]

Hi all, I have suffered health anxiety for approx 7 years now, some days am able to shrug things off, most of the time I can't, I started sertraline approx 6 weeks ago but just now I have myself convinced I have tetanus, a cat scratched my leg, it honestly barely bled, wound nice and clean and healing well, I even went to my practice nurse and she gave me a tetanus booster as I was 5 years out of date, but still can't stop bloody worrying. I hate this anxiety it takes over when I let it.

Megan how are you feeling now? Your lymph nodes should go down when you start to get better but it can take a wee while. I totally get what you mean though.

[Meganlillymai]

I'm with use. I worry all the time. At the minute I'm worrying a out lymphoma! I'm 22 n have a bleeding cold but it's caused my lymph nodes to swell. But to me they feel huge! Others they feel ok. AND I can only feel them when I rest my chin on my chest???

[Lonelybunny]

Oh dead naughty stupid idiotic me :( I ran out of citalopram
About a week and a half ago :( did I go back for more ? No now I'm slipping v v quickly back where I was :( boob obsessed now worried about a birth mark too , I need a slap , y didnt I go back !?!?!,

[Sallystyle]

I am so sorry others here feel as bad as I do :( I guess we all have to keep fighting it as best as we can and hope one day we find it fades so we can live without this fear again.

Plus, my bank balance is taking a serious hit from all the therapy ;)

[Sallystyle]

Took me ages to come back.

I have had OCD since I was 6 years old and around 8 years ago I had a tiny bit of HA. My ex H (father of three of my children) was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer (doing well now) and I had to watch my children go through it and it was horrid. It was horrible knowing they could lose a parent at such a young age. It triggered of a huge 2 year HA episode for me as I am so scared of leaving my children behind.

I have believed I have had every cancer out there. It's been horrific.

I am now having a mixture of therapy and hypnotherapy and had an amazing two weeks where I thought I was getting over it, BUT four days ago I started to go downhill again.

I have two moles I don't like, one on my back and one on my hip, the one on my hip is small but very dark, almost black. My GP checked them out 6 months ago and said they were perfectly fine and although it is very dark it isn't cancer looking dark. They haven't changed, my husband helps me monitor them and says they haven't changed either (Also had them for well over 7 years) but I have been a right mess over them :( I have an appointment on Tuesday to get them checked over again.

I am gutted!! four weeks ago I got the all clear on tongue cancer and my life moved on, I started the gym, I felt happiness like I haven't felt in years and I was over the moon- my therapy seemed to be doing the trick, along side meds. Now why am I back here? I have worked so darn hard to overcome this but I can't seem to do it. I have the gym tomorrow and instead of looking forward to the day I am now wondering what's the point when I have skin cancer.

I just want to get over it and get on with my life.

[MummyTyler]

lonelybunny I can totally sympathise with you and all the other HA sufferers, it is such an awful thing to have.

Mine started just before I was due to get married, I had strange ache in my tummy on the left hand side that just wouldn't go away, it then evolved into shooting pains down my legs, numbness, pins & needles and pain in the pelvic area, so much so I struggled to sit down! I start to tear up when I think back to how I felt, I was convinced there was something seriously wrong with me. In the end after countless visits to the Drs in tears they referred me to have an MRI - nothing there, completely normal! Magically a week later my symptoms disappeared!

Anyway that's what kicked off my HA (never have I worried about health before) I have thought I've had every illness out there and know all too well that feeling of panic, nausea, inability to focus on anything but what is worrying you. I had my daughter 7.5 months ago and everyone told me it would get better after having her, but it's got worse because I panic il get ill and won't be able to look after her!

I know how exhausting and mentally draining HA can be, it's ruining my life :-( Just wanted to say I totally sympathise with all you HA sufferers!

Lonelybunny I know it's hard but pls be reassured in what the dr has told you, they know what they're doing, you have nothing to worry about!

[Tay1981]

lonelybunny sorry you are feeling so crap. Everything you have said sounds very familiar to me. I have suffered with HA pretty much since I was a child I think. I had it under control for quite a few years then it seems to have got worse again since having kids and in particular DS (now 10 weeks) along with a bout of PND. I am on sertraline (I live in the US but also took that when b-feeding my DD in the UK - prescribed by GP). I have found it to have v minimal side effects and def no weight gain - I'm a completely avg. size 12 + baby weight!! Currently on 25mg but doc here was happy to prescribe up to 50mg which I may have to resort to if I don't start feel better soon.

Over the years I have convinced myself I am suffering from all kinds of things. However my obsessions mostly centre around my teeth (had this since being literally 7/8 yrs old when I used to make my Dad check that I had cleaned my teeth properly EVERY night because I was so terrified my teeth would rot) and STDs. I don't really have much insight into why these things other than that I feel if I did have either thing it would be MY fault ifyswim. I have lost count of the number of times I have visited the dentist convinced that there is something dreadful wrong with my teeth. Of course I don't have a filling in my mouth and there has NEVER been anything wrong. This has not stopped me experiencing real pain though and seeking endless second opinions. Thats my real red flag - seeking second opinions - when I have finally plucked up courage to go and then can't accept reassurance I know that the health prob is not the real prob ifyswim and I have to go back on meds. This has probably happened 5/6 times and I am 31. I am the same with STD's - ridiculous as I'm married and sure my husband is faithful and have been for 7 years and we were together 3 years before that!! Still panic at the thought of being intimately examined / smears etc - have not looked at my bits myself for YEARS.

My problem is that I am terrified for my kids health now too and my anxiety has started to extend to them which I hate because I am DESPERATE for them not to suffer from this like I have and I know that means doing exactly as you describe and being strong on the outside whilst boot quaking on the inside. The panic symptoms you describe are just like me - feels like the floor falls from under me I get very hot very quickly and shaky and completely unable to focus on anything except the fear. A friend of mine recently told me that her daughter has Molluscum - completely benign skin virus but v contagious and hard to get rid of. Our daughters are good friends and have lots of contact so she may have caught it. I immediately felt as above and had to make my excuses and leave the event we were both at. I couldn't even articulate to my husband (who is totally sick of me) what the problem was. Now I have been obsessively checking my daughters skin for signs of lumps / googling etc all the bad stuff. She has keratosis pilaris so her skin is a bit lumpy anyway on the backs of her arms / legs and face and this drives me insane. Am terrified little one will catch it - have been obsessively washing everything in sight. Its horrible.

I know meds help me - they have in the past. And I have found Mindfulness approaches moderately helpful. I feel like I am completely incapable of employing CBT techniques. If anyone is in the same boast or any other suggestions of helpful techniques I would love it. Feel like a terrible mother. Lonely I know what you are going through. Only insight I feel I can really offer is that the fact you can't accept the reassurance makes me think its the anxiety that is the problem and not the boobs :-) As others have said too - I have v lumpy breasts too - am b-feeding also. Think also b-feeding can make your breasts feel v much more sensitive than they would normally. I normally wear underwires etc but can't even stand seams in my nursing bras. Maybe that is contributing as well? ESP with the checking etc. And its completely normal in my experience to have good and bad days even once you have started the meds - I would say it will take 1-2 months to stabilise out and even then you may feel slightly panicky when encountering certain triggers but you will get over these blips more quickly and easily than before. You will feel better believe me!! This has turned mammoth - sorry!!

[Lonelybunny]

Well had breast appt on Wednesday he said nothing to worry about but will do ultra sound scan anyway then to come back 2months after breast feeding just to follow up so I'm taking that as good news got scan next week. Been fine since then . But my sister told me my dad told her I'd found a lump and now she really worried well I've just come over totally sick ? Why ? I felt better about it and looks like within 2 seconds my anxiety came back ? :(

[MrsNPattz]

That's good to hear xx

[Lonelybunny]

No as its bank holiday :( but in a good note I'm ok about it at the moment , I think the citalopram is kicking in a bit and calming me down :)

[MrsNPattz]

Did you manage to speak to them today? xx

[Lonelybunny]

Thanks mrs Patz , I may ring the clinic tommorow and see if they can squeeze me in I can't bear any more panic attacks for another 3 days, I've got to try and go to work like this as well and can't afford to take time off :(

[MrsNPattz]

I hope Wednesday helps! You are not alone, we are all here so keep talking to us xx

[Lonelybunny]

Having another bad episode today can't stop dreading the worse news on Wednesday. I feel physically sick and terrified I wish Wednesday would hurry up so I can hopefully move on or if not do something about it :( I've been in again all darn day and its getting me in sick a dark distant place :( I have spent all day playing with this lump that I don't even know which one originally worried me anymore :( I miss my family I feel like they aren't even here

[MrsNPattz]

That sounds positive, I hope it continues! Thanks for letting us know xx

[Lonelybunny]

Thought I would give u all an update as I k is you were all so nice to me. I have an appointment at the breast clinic next week . I think I'm ok I think but I need this over with once and for all ! I'm on citalopram and surprisingly feeling calmer already and only side effects are I'm feeling a bit lethargic . Hope everyone is ok ....

[Lonelybunny]

Sorry to hear that samu, will speak to you tommorow xx

[Sallystyle]

I have very severe HA. Have done for years but have had an awful spell that has been going on for almost two years now.

I just got told I have high Cholesterol, not helped at all.

I would go into more detail but I am off to bed soon. This is an evil illness to have to live with and it has ruined the last two years for me.

I have been convinced I have had every type of cancer there is out there at one point or another.

I take anti- D's and currently having hypnotherapy which is actually really helping. I feel like I am on the up, although the cholesterol thing has put me back a step.

My story is really long and depressing but I will post more tomorrow.

[Lonelybunny]

Oh dear chilli knickers did you have any symptoms of kidney infection ? Cause they can be rather painful , hope you feel better soon . I on the other hand have again be sat in all day convinced I have cancer I can't help it I can't shift it , one minute I think "oh no it'll be ok " then it "oh but the lump is hard and the dr could feel it and what the hell will the breast clinic find ?" I'm so sad for my baby girl she is so loving and just wants happy mummy but I can't even connect with her at the moment I don't feel like she is my baby iyswim? I love her so much but I feel so distant at the same time :( she deserves to be taken out and played with and have attention instead I feel like I'm ignoring her all the time .