Stopping meds

[GracieLoo]

It's just sort of happened, I was reducing them, then missed a couple as was getting different advice from psych, GP and care co ordinator. I haven't managed to get to GP but was told my prescription would be waiting for me at chemist to carry on at 75 ml.

I went to pick it up and was told it wasn't there. So I phoned GP and the receptionist said I could get an appt til after Xmas, but she'd do a week script for me to collect and made an appt for beg of January. She sounded arsey like usual and hung up abruptly.

So I agreed then afterwards realised this still left me without over Xmas . I'm scared to ring GP back and scared to ring care co ordinator as she'll think I've messed it up and I don't want to keep bothering her. Also I really don't want to be on them anyway so why go to all this hassle, plus a couple of people have commented I've lost weight, and I think it's due to lower dosage.

I don't know if the chemist, surgery and cc will communicate and realise I've not picked it up, or do I admit the truth and know they'll be cross with me. Feel I have no control over anything anymore.

[happygolucky0]

Hello........ I lost the thread and couldn't find you for awhile! Seems like you have been doing ok GracieLoo.
Some kids are fussy eaters (mine being one). I get where you are coming from when they don't wont to eat. They don't understand what a task it can be getting a meal together. I read it is surpose to take around 10 times of trying foods until they will like it. mmmm I gave in and gave him what he would eat. I pay for it now though as end up making two separte meals some days. so I feel your pains!
What about freezing some meals that she likes, or doing some mirco meals to give yourself a day off.

[amillionyears]

Not everyone is the best parent.
Good enough is good enough.
You have lots of authority input. So they would say if it was not good enough.

When there is just a parent and a child, it can make for quite an intense relationship. I have seen it with some people I know.
Not sure what the answer is.
Both of you mixing with other people and familes is helpful, as you are doing.

[GracieLoo]

*why do I bother, not who do I bother

[GracieLoo]

I do take them, just occasionally forget as I expect most do?

Keep losing it with dd at mealtimes, or if she doesn't behave well, I can't control myself and snap. Not in a physical way, but I say things I shouldn't, like 'who do I bother cooking for u. Your cousin would eat it, why can't u?. Just eat it!'. It's becoming an issue for both of us. I then start doubting my parenting, whether I'm damaging her, whether she'd be better off without me.

I gave her a nice bath and we cuddled up and watched a film. I said sorry, she asked if I was grumpy with her, I said I was grumpy with myself, then started crying but she didn't notice. Ive read her a story, had kiss and hugs and she's gone to bed happy. But I feel so, so guilty, it's making me restless, I hate myself! Want reassurance that she's not going to be emotionally damaged, but I understand if everyone thinks I'm a complete cow

[amillionyears]

Are you on the proper prescribed dose now GracieLoo?

[GracieLoo]

Went to chemist with my prescription and tried to get 4 wks worth, they would only give me 1 wk. Tried ringing HV and sw but they were still off, sw's manager tried calling back but by then my mum was here making dd happy, so I couldn't answer. I now feel desperate with the weekend ahead, being alone. I think I'm getting worse, think my family have noticed but they haven't said anything, can just tell by their worried looks.

Getting mixed feelings regarding dd, one minute feeling like I really could end it as I'm no good for her, the next she was sitting on my lap, with me crying behind her back, feeling like I'm really letting her down but she can't be without me. But I can't carry on like this!

Also, no one has asked me what I'm doing nye, shows how much I matter!

[GracieLoo]

Was doing ok kind of, but now getting really pissed off with family and all this pretending to have fun crap! Looking forward to a day on my own tomorrow ( bad mum I know), but then get wound up by the way dd's dad spoils her and feeds her rubbish. Can't wait to go to bed so this day can be over. Just going to drink to get through the next few hours, then back at home the rest of the week. It doesn't help being around others. Want to cry!

[emmac52000]

Gracieloo, it sounds like your in a really desperate place right now. Please call the team and to talk to someone call the Samaritans whenever you need them. They are there for you 24/7 specifically for people in your situation. You don't have to speak with them you can email them too if you don't feel comfortable right now to talk with someone their email is mailto:[email protected] where someone is at the end of your email waiting for you. The Samaritans might help you outside of speaking to the doctors etc. thing I like is that they listen to you and don't judge and they don't even know its you as you don't need to disclose anything. We are all thinking of you

[amillionyears]

Some people go way overboard with presents.
So try not to compare. There are also people who like to brag a lot and show off.

I dont give as much as some other people.

Hope you do end up having a nice day tomorrow.

[GracieLoo]

Thank u so much, have calmed down for now but appreciate the advice as may well need it this week, or NYE which is always difficult. Sorry to hear of your horrible experience, I have found a&e made me feel stupid and insignificant. It's so hard to ask for help anyway let alone being treated like you're not worth it.

Been wrapping presents from Santa but feeling bad as there is not half as much as other kids are getting, as seen in fb pictures. Hoping tomorrow goes ok for everyone struggling right now.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

First off they won't take your DD off you. DD isn't at risk in your care and they're not interested in breaking up families, particularly on xmas eve.

Two options open to you here, but you need to be honest with whoever you speak to.

1. Call the Crisis Team. Explain that you know you're not referred to them, but you need their help to direct you to where you can get help as you've already hurt yourself and you're scared that you may do it again as you are extremely anxious and although you've not taken Diazepam, its not calmed you down. Hopefully they will either speak to you and help you themselves, or they'll direct you to someone who can.
   

1. Call the OOH GP and explain exactly as above to them instead. They can then either prescribe something stronger, like Lorazepram or refer you to the crisis team.
   

Either way you get help, but you need to be absolutely clear about how bad you are feeling and don't play it down.

I know about being let down. I was stood at the foot of a bridge and the Crisis Team told me to call back after 5pm as I should call my care co-ordinator during the day. I put the phone down, waited 5 mins, thought about it, called them back and was completely honest. They got me the help I needed. Resources are tight, but they WILL help those who really need it.

[GracieLoo]

I don't even know how i contact them. I rang them before but they said I wasn't referred to them. Do u have to go through out of hours GP? I've been let down by trying to get help, and it scares me that if it's just me and dd here they'll take her off me. Plus it's Xmas and I don't want family upset if they had to be informed. I'm worrying too much and can't think. I want help

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

Oh and its not dependent and needy to ask for help when you need it. Its wise and sensible. They are there to support you, its their job. Don't be afraid to call them.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

Gracie - this is what the Crisis Team are there for over the holidays. Even if you're not referred to them, they're there to help, even if its just to talk to you.

The diazepam may take a while to work and you may need to take them at regular intervals, rather than waiting until you lose it. They are there to help prevent relapse as well as help when things get hard.

I really sympathise, I really do. I'm taking diazepam every four hours at the moment just to keep me going. Take care xx

[GracieLoo]

Plus I tool a diazepam couple of hours ago, not much effect, just dizzy for a bit.

[GracieLoo]

I am determined to just start taking meds properly starting from now. But what do I do when I've just lost it like now?! Dd was being difficult and annoying at teatime, but has been most of the day. I tried ignoring and getting on with stuff, but dropped something loading dishwasher and lost it and went at my wrist with scissors. Then was swearing under my breath but not caring what dd heard. Now sobbing on my bed while she watches a film but I can't keep doing this! Want to scream and run away! There's no one I can ring, it's Xmas and no one want a miserable, crazy cow crying at them. Dd is ok btw, but I am so worried about damaging her emotionally and causing issues with food or anything.

[amillionyears]

Agree with happygplucky0 about being on the correct dosage of meds.
You do love dd.

Having talked to you on MN for the last few months, I think the number one thing for you is to take the meds as prescribed. Once you are stable on them, then the sw might be able to help you work some things out, like she suggested.

[happygolucky0]

Merry xmas and Happy New year!

[happygolucky0]

Hello Gracie just increase your meds to what the doctor said take. You should be able to take the dizaepam if you are at home. Just do that ...I was stressed at work today and took an extra amitriptyline to chill me , not idea but sometimes it is needed. Have you taken your meds the last few days?
I am going to my parents for xmas dinner but my Mum has just informed me that she is ill!!!
You want to try loving a grumpy 15 ds !! lol I say I love him to bits but don't always like his behaviour. I have quite a stressful jobs at times too.
Guess what I am trying to say is everyone has their problems, life can be tough. You just got to pick yourself up and keep fighting. What do you enjoy doing?

[GracieLoo]

I don't always feel I love dd, I feel I'm just existing, wonder why I'm still here.

[GracieLoo]

Thanks I do sometimes get up with her then put on tv while i go back for half hour. Praying the next two days go ok and I don't lose it. I know it's only two days but I don't want Xmas to be a bad memory for LO.

I know my sw and HV are working today and I get a panic that I need to ring them for reassurance. But I know this is me being too dependent and needy which is how I get when I don't feel great. I need to get through it by myself though.

Just me and dd again today, saw friends yesterday so can't complain, but it does make me feel a bit alone.

[happygolucky0]

Hope you are doing ok Gracie parenting course sounds good. I did one over the telephone a few years ago. Really helped me at the time.
How is the diazepam? Wont that help you sleep? Are you worried about not being alert enough to see to you dd? Just make sure everything is made safe which I am sure you do. Put some art stuff or something for her to play with in the kitchen ,before you go to sleep and if she is going to be awake before you she will just play and be fine. Set some alarm clocks or something.I am just going on now !!

[GracieLoo]

happy thanks for the meds suggestion, I do need to do something to remind myself to take it. Too tired to concentrate on anything but too agitated to sleep! Feelings of guilt over dd tonight, hate being the way I am, want to go get her and cuddle her in my bed to try make everything ok.

[GracieLoo]

Ok, it's more the venlafaxine I muck about with but determined to sort it out. Some stupid part of my brain gets in the way sometimes. So glad today is nearly over, but then there's going to more days like this over the next two wks :-(

It's the same sw I've had for a while, I know I've just got to listen and do whatever they say

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

Gracie - as someone who has just had a massive dip from mucking about with my meds, please take the diazepam that you've been prescribed. They will really, really help.

I sympathise totally with how you are feeling, but you need some help to get through this rough patch.