Child support leaving us struggling

[Throwawayaccount38290]

It's the middle of the night and I'm overthinking myself into a pit while idiothead sleeps in the next room.

Me and my man have been together 3 years. He works full time in management and I work part time. We can afford to survive, but not quite to live. We don't have enough money for dates and things as debts/etx take a big chunk of his cash, I don't mind. I don't need to be taken out all of the time, even though it would be nice.

What I am worried about is what will happen when we have children. We have been discussing it for a while, but he has brushed it off with "We can't afford it and I already have a kid" but I don't. He's known from the beginning that I want children, and is only pushing back now.

He pays out literally half of his wages to his now married ex girlfriend, who works full time as well as her husband, for his preteen daughter, leaving us with just enough to get by. Is it awful of me to get almost jealous and feel like our child would end up suffering because he sends all his money to his ex for his first child? I know that child support is necessary and I would be more upset if he didn't pay at all, but it's hardly fair that when we have children they'd go without because of his ex?

Feeling like the evil stepmother at this point, but I'm so tired of scrimping. Maybe it's the wait to take a pregnancy test getting to me and rotting my brain aha.

[KatharinaRosalie]

What I am worried about is what will happen when we have children

Hmm according to your post, he is actually not planning to have any children with you. I think you need to sort that question out first.

[KnickerBockerAndrew]

Don't have children if you're barely scraping by. It's not fair on you or them to willingly bring another person into a situation where there's potential poverty (and if you can't afford to go on dates now, that's where you're headed, what with all the costs a baby brings...)

[IHateBlueLights]

I think you need to check that the amount he is paying is correct if it leaves you as hard up as you say. If you have children it will go down.

[sunglasses123]

I agree with others. Why are you working part time and complaining about the lack of money. Why are you looking at taking a pregnancy test. I hope you arent looking to get pregnant 'by accident'.

You see this more and more with women especially moaning about an ex in their new partners life and hor horrible they are and how its all very unfair. I was very clear before I got married (with myself!) that I would rather stay single then take on someone else's children and consequently we have had a good life, I work full time so does DH, we have no maintenance to pay from previous relationships yet some people will comment how lucky we are. It isnt always to do with luck - its making sensible decisions.

[G5000]

So he has 'pushed back', said you can't afford them and he already has one, but you're taking pregnancy test? Does he know?

[sunglasses123]

Children in poverty is very topical at present. Please dont bring children into this world without being very sure that you can afford them. I am going to sound very harsh but it shouldnt be the government's role to support you when you make daft decisions. This man doesnt seem to want children and could well leave if you get pregnant accidently on purpose.

[Moomin8]

He won't have to pay as much if you have children of your own. Obviously his existing children were here first and they should be the priority right now.

It sounds like you'd be better off with someone who doesn't already have commitments tbh.

[FinallyHere]

Why do you only work part time?

What do you do with the extra time you have available compared to the rest of us?