Ignorant quetion, and not sure how to put this tactfully, but why do people not want to have a baby with DS?

[LesAnimaux]

I don't want to offend, or be flamed, but I am curious.

I've seen several threads where posters have terminated a pregnancy when they have found out their baby has Down Syndrome, and then gone on to ttc a "normal" baby.

Now, I don't personally know any one with DS or any parents of children with DS, so I genuinely don't know the difficulties they face. Is life with downs syndrome really so bad? Or is it the thought of a child growing into an adult with SN and having no one to care for them when the parents are no longer capable?

Out of all the things I worried about when pregnant, downs syndrome wasn't one of them.

[edam]

What would worry me is that Down's covers a huge spectrum, from children who are reasonably healthy to those who are very badly affected indeed, with life-threatening heart conditions for instance. And that it's not just about the health problems they have at birth ? as the lifespan of people with Down's has lengthened, it seems many are succumbing to very early dementia, often in their 40s. About the age at which their own parents are very elderly or dying so no longer around to fight their corner.

I have no idea what I would do were I in the situation of having a high-risk pregnancy. But these are the things I would be considering.

[FabbyChic]

Some need constant care, some are not able to hold down jobs, look after themselves or ever be without 24 hour care.

Some parents cannot give that for an infinite amount of time.

I was told my first had DS the first thing they said was you will have to have a termination, I asked for more tests and they were fine.

However, I would have terminated. I wasn't in a stable relationship, I didn't have my own home I lived at my bf's mum's house in one room.

I had no support network.

I think lot's of things have to be factored in for me a termination would have been the best way forward, this however was 25 hears ago.

[bronze]

I have recently watched a friend get more and more ground down looking after her brother with ds (she has her own family too). Normally I would say ds isnt a reason to abort I didnt test for this reason but if she chose to I could completely utterly understand her reasoning. Maybe some people ar elike her

[DuelingFanjo]

I wouldn't want to have a child with Downs Syndrome because there is such a wide spectrum of disability involved and while many adults live quite independant lives with DS, there are many who don't/can't. you can't have tests to tell you which end of the spectrum the baby will be on.

I had the Nuchal test and then an amnio and would have terminated had I been told my child had downs syndrome because I did not want to leave an adult in tis world with no siblings and a disability. Of course my DS could have had any number of undiagnosable conditions and did infact spend some time in neo natal but the tests were available for a few conditions so I chose to have the ones I could.

It's a personal choice.

I also hope that anyone who has chosen recently to terminate a pregnancy for this reason hasn't read this thread and been upset by it.

[Bunbaker]

"Almost all Down's babies that are tested for are aborted which does surprise me"

Why? I don't think it is fair to judge people who decide not to continue with a pregnancy. The world isn't full of saints and martyrs.

I didn't have any tests when I was expecting DD because it was a long awaited pregnancy and I would have wanted the child regardless. As it turned out she had health issues that required 24/7 care until she was three and a half. If I had managed to get pregnant again I would have had every test going because having looked after one child with extra needs I didn't want another one. Our ages counted against us as well. I was 41 and OH 48 when DD was born. We live hundreds of miles away from our families so if we'd had a DS child the chances are that he/she would have had to go into care when OH and I were too old to care for him/her.

[NonnoMum]

Apart from any wrongs and rights, is it really true that there are less and less DS children? Is there any connection with birth rate and older parents, and lots of very capable parents choosing to bring up their DS child (Sally Phillips and others)? Isn't there more support now than there used to be? (excuse me if I am ignorant here, but genuinely asking...)

[chickchickchicken]

i read a thread this morning and felt very sad that the decision was to terminate because of ds
that is not to say that i judge people who do that but i do find it very sad. it isnt something i tested for
i too am confused why termination seems almost automatic for some people

[DuelingFanjo]

I also think that people who do have a child with DS shouldn't take other people's choices to terminate their own pregnancies to mean that those people are saying ALL children with DS should be terminated. One can only make a choice about one's own situation and it's wrong to interpret it as an attack on all people with Downs syndrome.

Re the fact that anything could happen to any pregnancy or child and result in disability, of course it could but no one can ever prepare for every eventuality and there is a difference between making a decision when presented with all the facts and having to deal with a situation which was totally unexpected. This kind of genetic testing is here to stay and no one is forced into having the tests done if they don't want to.

[catsareevil]

"Almost all Down's babies that are tested for are aborted which does surprise me"

Not really surprising, because people who wouldnt plan to terminate for Down Syndrome have less reason to have the tests done.

[Bunbaker]

"One can only make a choice about one's own situation and it's wrong to interpret it as an attack on all people with Downs syndrome."

Totally agree.

[Thingumy]

I knew a woman who had a down syndrome child-ds attended the special needs nursery at the same time as her daughter

She was offered a termination but refused.

Her daughter is a beautiful child and they are all happy (albeit stressed with the constant care and worry of what happens 'when we get too old to look after her').

There are different levels of special needs within the downs syndrome.

I knew of a couple who married,both were downs syndrome.How wonderful is that?

I would not terminate but can understand those who do.

[missmapp]

Haven't read the rest of the thread but, when I was pg with ds2 , he had a thick nuchal fold and we were given a 1 in 4 chance of him having downs. We never cosidered ending the pregnancy, but we did face a lot of opposition from family when we told them that. My mum in particular was convivnced we were ruining our family if ds2 was born with downs. As a result I was fiercly protective of ds2 before he was even born. He was born with a heart condition and a mild genetic disorder ( not downs) and people kept saying 'you must be so relieved' we wernt, we were thankful for our beautiful boy just as we would have been however he was born.

I would never judge anyone, whatever decision they make, it is very personal, and very hard. We were judged and it wasnt nice!!

[frakyouveryverymuch]

Whilst we tested, I wouldn't have terminated. I would have worried about it, yes. I did worry - who doesn't? A child with any kind of additional needs has just that, additional needs which place extra pressure on resources whether that pressure be emotional, financial or just in terms of time. I had the tests so we knew, within the limitations of possibility, whether there was anything we could prepare for. Maybe if we'd been in a different situation or we didn't have religious objections to termination we would view things differently.

I wasn't worried by Downs, but it comes as part of a package of tests for other things I did worry about.

[devientenigma]

needafootmassage I agree, however what's not to like? The aggression, unpredictability, strength, strong willed, stubborn, withdrawal, the things he can't/won't do, the constant worry, constant supervision, hard to handle, temper.........................

[devientenigma]

"I wasn't worried by Downs, but it comes as part of a package of tests for other things I did worry about."

In other words DS is a worry due to the other issues that can arise!
For us when we found out about our son's heart condition, obv we were both worried. When they later queried DS, my hubby was worried about the heart whereas I was worried about DS.

[devientenigma]

But I never said my son was young.

[devientenigma]

lol, I wished my son beamed nicely at his hospital appointments.

[frakyouveryverymuch]

devientenigma - I was more worried about Edwards and Patau because then you do face horrible choices. Continue and have a hugely increased likelihood of miscarriage/stillbirth or if you carry to term then high likelihood of infant mortality and if they make it past a year then only a very small chance of a high quality of life - what's best when your personal beliefs are pro-life for all life?

A heart condition or other soft markers for Downs weren't really a concern. I mean they were a concern in terms if health/outcome for the baby but not in terms of our ability to cope.

[devientenigma]

"Well I had the blood test....low risk, need not carry on with further testing. Bled on and off throughout pregnancy, problems with my previous 2 pregnancies so was watched and scanned like a hawk. Baby came, 1 week early, good weight, guess what?.............down syndrome."
Something I wrote previously in the thread, not highlighting the scenario as much as frakyou. For me though, does this make it more worrying?? No.

needa, we are all entitled to opinions and I agree you apologised, people tend to speak first, think later and it's more often those who can't see where they have, which makes DS for some probably always a reluctance to inclusion.

[sungirltan]

agree with duelingfanjo

i dont think you have to make excuses if you choose to abort with a high likeliness of ds though. it isnt wrong and neither does it make you prejudice toward the people with disabilities.