We see this topic come up in problems time and time again on mumsnet and I've seen in play out in various forms in my own (large) family and friends' families.
How much responsibility do we have for our elders?
The situation is usually this in some form:
- The elders. Increasing care needs that they're often naive about or in denial of. Feel they shouldn't have to use professional services (be that carers or taxi drivers or anything in between) when they have family who could help them.
- The burdened sibling. Usually the nearest geographically. Very often female. Resentful of the amount of their own lives and time they have to sacrifice in service of the elders. Resentful of siblings who have opted out. Feeling that if they don't do what they do, no one will and elders will suffer.
- The opted out sibling(s). Often geographically further away, or with busy job/young children which serve as both a reason and excuse for their lack of involvement. Take the attitude that 'burdened sibling chooses to do what they do.'
I can see the points of view of both the burdened and the opted out, but wondered what others feel about the dilemma(s) involved.