My 89 year old mother has lived with us for 6 years, but had a stroke 3 weeks ago, she is still in hospital on a stroke ward, it could have been worse, but looks like she has lost a lot of mobility and strength in one leg. The care is great ( NHS), she as daily physio and taken to a specialised "gym" in the hospital. Her mobility is improving, but slowly and she can't yet walk without a frame and staff, needs help to get to the toilet etc.
I am terrified about the next steps. My family is pressuring me to have her home now as soon as possible but I can't sacrifice my life like this. We have narrow winding stairs and could move her into a room with a toilet next door, but am guessing she will still need supervision including during the night. I will be having to cook, bring trays of food, and I feel afraid of the impact this will have on my life.
I work full time from home, and I also care for my adult son who has severe mental health problems, situautions with him can often mean night wakenings for me ( he is at times at risk of suicide).
My OH sister and daughter feel my mother would recuperate faster at home- and that may be true, but I would worry about her safety, I would need to learn how to handle her, how to help her shower and toilet etc.
Interesting to note that those family members urging me to have her home are not the ones offering care.
My sister lives abroad- long haul fight- and last visited home eight years ago. My OH works full time- long hours and travels a lot, so is gone two weeks out of every four. My daughter lives in her flat 40 minutes away but also works full time, and has a part time job too ( which feels more like a paid hobby than work) but nnot a lot of spare time.
I tried to have a conversation with my OH last night about the situation, but after listening to me said " I think you can get special chairs, you would manage somehow" I was just in despair that he wasn't listening to me at all, and took myself off to bed early where I lay crying for an hour.
It all feels so hard, I feel very alone, and guilty for just not wanting to suck it up.
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
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Elderly parents
Having mother home- I feel guilty.
253 replies
speakout · 22/04/2023 07:51
OP posts:
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