Advice please - 3yr old sent to heads office

[redberry]

Advice needed please. Ds2 is due to start school in Sept.

During his taster session yesterday the teaching assistant took him off a trike after he squabbled with another child over it. Ds2 stamped on her foot, pinched her & winded her!!

It all escalated from there as they tried to make him apologise. Teacher took him to the head. DS1 said he saw him sat outside the office with his head on his knees.

Now, I fully understand that what he did was wrong and apologised profusely to the assistant myself. I tried to explain that this was totally out of character - normally he's a gorgeous cheerful, occasionally naughty child, just an average 3 yr old!

Now I feel like he's marked his card already for that school and he hasn't even turned 4 yet!

Hate to think of my little boy sat outside the heads office - Ds1 said he looked "scared"

Anyone think the school handled it badly? Or is this a totally justified and necessary reaction by the school?

[gigglinggoblin]

depends on the school. ds2 was born in august and they would not have let him be oldest in reception. all schools i spoke to said the same. however he was allowed to spend a lot of time with the nursery class and they were also willing to let him go part time until he was ready - no one else would have allowed him to so it was a big decider in which school i chose. that is why i suggested it would be best to look around for best school for him. i am glad he went as he started full time in reception in january and really loves school now, is like a different child (and believe me, he really was wild this time last year)

[jampots]

agree the school need to reprimand as appropriate but he clearly didnt see what the problem was with hitting/pinching so maybe would benefit from being at home that bit longer. I wouldnt have a problem with him being physically taken off the trike and I guess they needed to do something to reinforce behavioural expectations. He sounds a lovely lad most of hte time but maybe a bit more in the way of what will be expected at school would be helpful. better to be the oldest one in his class than the one no-one wants to play with

[aloha]

I'm SO glad my ds has a September birthday. As Cod says, "school at three? Pah!"
It's just too young.

[chipmonkey]

Also agree with batters that he has been punished enough> I think at that age short punishments are more effective than long ones. Or maybe I'm just going soft in my old age!

[oops]

Message withdrawn

[Enid]

don't send him. tbh this thread makes me so furious I don't think I'll be posting anything rational.

Why ON EARTH would you send a 3 year old to school? I just don't get it.

[paolosgirl]

Up here we send them to nursery from 3 - they have 2 years there, and start at 5. The nursery that DD and DS went to were attached to their primary school - but not all of them are.
If one of mine had hit a teacher, I would have expected it to be taken seriously. It is NEVER OK for a child to hit the teacher, so a little word from the Head may not have been a bad thing.

[paolosgirl]

That is - start Primary school at 5

[Enid]

Ok.

If little dd2 (who is starting kindergarten in Sept) was having a tantrum, she would flail madly if someone took her off the trike and possibly hit them. That is what 3 year olds do.

She is a lovely, kind little girl but she is 3 and 3 year olds are unpredictable!

That is why they don't go to school until they are 5.

I am presuming that her kindergarten teachers realise this and try and avoid and deal kindly with incidents like this.

[Socci]

Message withdrawn

[colditz]

I only used the term 'assault' to point out that having a 3 year old charged for assault would be an over the top reaction, as opposed to sending him to the head teacher, which I still don't believe was over the top.

if you are going to have your child at school, the child needs to know how to behave himself.

[Enid]

So by the same token, if your child doesnt (because of his age) know how to behave himself, perhaps he shouldn't be in school?

[Cam]

I was assuming that redberry's son will turn 4 before September, or was it a taster day for nursery school?

[Byn]

As a classroom assistant with 3-5 year olds, I have had children spit in my face, bite me, kick me, pinch me, and scratch me - all enough to leave a mark. Children can injure adults (even three year olds) and this is especially true for teachers and classroom assistants who are often trying to keep the child who is angry from hurting themselves/the other children. If it was his first day, they were probably unsure if his behavior would become more dangerous and wanted to nip it in the bud. Even if your child is usually an angel, they have no way of knowing this. To be honest, even though many children go through a pinching/biting stage, I would be a bit concerned about this and make sure he understands it is unacceptable. I love the kids I work with, but you wouldn't want to be pinched/hit/kicked at work either.

[poppy101]

Not being funny, but the teacher should have handled the situation, you don't take a nursery child to see the head (especially not in a taster session).

If this constantly occured and the teacher couldnt deal with the situation after different behaviour and control methods then yes the head would be the first person that the teacher would speak to inside the school. The parent would also be requested to come into the school for a short meeting.

The teacher shouldnt have sent the child to the head, its not a good impression to give the child. There are plenty of effective ways of handling young childrens behaviour inside their own classroom and if the teacher could not handle this then they should nt be in that situation. The parent should have been told to come in immediately if the child is aggressive, but you always give allowances to children while they settle in. Forgive any other mnetters out there who are teachers and agree with the schools policy, but I have seen so many other teachers who just can't handle young children that it annoys me. I myself am an experienced and early years specialist and feel that children should be given opportunities to settle into their new environment.

My advice would be to speak to the classroom teacher next time you go in and mention about adjustment and the normal behaviour of your son and if need be get their nursery school policy on behaviour from the teacher.

[Chandra]

I'm with Enid on this. Probably it was too much for him because he's not yet ready to go to school. I believe that if he had already stamped on the teacher's foot, pinched and winded her, which only shows that he didn't feel the need to respect/obey an adult, the only thing left to do was to sent him to the head.

[poppy101]

Young children do need time to adjust when they are faced with a new environment. They are young for school and so much is expected off children.

[Chandra]

Agree with that, but I also understand that some of the things on which the children are assesed to be sure they are ready for school is sharing, taking turns and settling in. It seems to me that the child is not yet ready, though I don't think that's a disgrace, on the contrary... some potential issues have been raised and Redberry will have some time to concentrate on improving the situation before the start of the school, which would make settling far easier and enjoyable for DS when he gets to start school in September.

[flashingnose]

I'd be very interested to hear opinions on how the TA should have handled this situation.

Also, presumeably redberry's ds wasn't the only new child that they had to attend to, so maybe taking him to the head was purely so he wasn't taking up one member of staff totally IYSWIM?

[Fimbo]

At my dd's school, parents stay with the child during taster sessions.

[assumedname]

Fimbo - no idea how the TA should have handled it, as I'm not a TA. Presumably they are, or should be trained to handle these situations.

[assumedname]

Sorry, not Fimbo, flashingnose!

[flashingnose]

Absolutely - a few people on the thread are teachers or TA's, so I was interested in their input as to what would have been the right way to handle it IYSWIM.

[assumedname]

Good idea.

I was one of those who thought it should have been handled better, iyswim.