Advice please - 3yr old sent to heads office

[redberry]

Advice needed please. Ds2 is due to start school in Sept.

During his taster session yesterday the teaching assistant took him off a trike after he squabbled with another child over it. Ds2 stamped on her foot, pinched her & winded her!!

It all escalated from there as they tried to make him apologise. Teacher took him to the head. DS1 said he saw him sat outside the office with his head on his knees.

Now, I fully understand that what he did was wrong and apologised profusely to the assistant myself. I tried to explain that this was totally out of character - normally he's a gorgeous cheerful, occasionally naughty child, just an average 3 yr old!

Now I feel like he's marked his card already for that school and he hasn't even turned 4 yet!

Hate to think of my little boy sat outside the heads office - Ds1 said he looked "scared"

Anyone think the school handled it badly? Or is this a totally justified and necessary reaction by the school?

[Moomin]

oh well that's ok then!
sorry, but still as bad, if not worse (from school's point of view). If this had happened a month or so into the new term, I can safely say your ds would be temporarily excluded. I can imagine if it had been another child then it may have been sorted out without the Head's involvement, but hitting and winding an adult?! The school must be fairly worried they might have a little hooligan on their hands for sept! I'd still make an appt to go in and chat but I'd try to do it from the angle of 'this was a bit of a diaster, what can we all do to make sure it doesn't happen again.' The the school would also see that you're upset about this as well, rather than going in from a point of conflict with them. How old will he be in Sept? Is he really ready for this do you think or was it a one off?

[assumedname]

Still think the teacher should have handled it.

Going to the head won't seem much of a punishment to a 6 year old then, will it, if they start their 3 year olds off like this?

[redberry]

moomin I would never say that it was "ok" I was totally shocked & mortified when they told me. He was punished for the rest of the day. Hes not a hooligan and I'm sure even the school dont think this. They've had glowing reports from his preschools, it is imo a total one off.

[bloss]

Message withdrawn

[franke]

I'm with Uwila on this one - I think it's a bit ott to treat a 3yo like this on an introductory day. I remember very vividly my trial afternoon at primary school (well over 30 years ago!) and felt a bit alone and scared.

But I think Moomin's idea of approaching the head in a non-confrontational way about it is a good one. You may get to gauge (sp?) whether the head thought the teacher over reacted.

[Weatherwax]

Was there a problem with the way the teaching assistant took the trike off of him? This seems to be where the problem started.

[WideWebWitch]

I think this is why 3/4 is far too young for school. Yes, he should be taught the consequences of his behaviour, absolutely, but at 3 they're still grasping all this stuff, it's still very little.

[unicorn]

We are talking nursery school aren't we?

I think you need to talk to the school about their 'zero tolerance' approach for 3 year olds.

IMO The teacher should have been able to deal with it, without having the head involved.

Children don't have to go to school until they are 5, perhaps he may not be ready yet?

[FIMAC1]

My ds started schoo when he was just 4 so I totally sympathise with you - I would have been shocked and outraged if he had been sent to the head over this - the teacher should have been able to deal with normal three year old behaviour - I did ask if my ds could start the following Reception year because of his age - the school is always over-subscribed so they would not let me

I feel for you and ds - although not perfect behaviour - he is 3 - and the teacher should have dealt with it

My sons Reception teacher shouted at him on his first day and he never forgot or forgave for the whole year - this upset me, your situation would have left me a wreck - he is 3, ffs

Sounds like the staff handled the whole situation very badly, you must speak to them before the end of term

Good luck

[Jimjams]

blimey? At a taster session? Completely OTT and is hardly going to help him feel confident in class. Does he have another taster? Could you stay?

[Cam]

I want to pick up on Weatherwax's point, it appears from redberry's description that her ds was taken off the trike. I don't think its acceptable for the teaching assistant to physically remove the child, she should have the skills to explain and persuade how "things are done" at school (particularly nursery school, particularly to a 3 year old!)

Some children, if physically manhandled, will instinctively react physically.

[Jimjams]

redberry- on my son's taster day his teacher bent down to say hello and he whacked her round the face knocking off her glasses! He's severely autistic(and is now in special school) but anyway point relating to your incident is that the school apologised to me for not thinking ahead so he got wound up- they should not be dishing out punishments on taster days.

[aloha]

agree with jimjams. Suspect the teaching assistant misjudged the situation completely.

[redberry]

Thanks for all your comments. Was beginning to think (from earlier posts)I had a mini criminal on my hands!!

Just found out the background to the incident.

Apparently, ds2 was on the back of a trike, his best friend, a little girl, to whom he's inseparable was on the front. Ds2 wanted to swap places and pinched her. His friend told the teaching assistant what had happened and the assistant tried to take Ds2 off the trike.

As I've said earlier he shouldnt have attacked the teaching assistant but this has made me think even more that the whole situation has been badly handled.

Left alone, ds2 & his friend would have quickly sorted out the problem, perhaps with a gentle word from the assistant.

Ds2 probably felt the teaching assistant was attacking him by taking him off the trike & retaliated.

I really think this situation was completely avoidable.

[TinyGang]

I'm not sure sitting outside the heads office awaiting judgement at three will mean anything to someone of that age. He probably doesn't understand what the 'Head' is fgs. I'm afraid I've always felt we start school stuff a bit early, but if that's how it must be, then at least deal with a three year old in a way that they can understand. It sounds like the whole thing escalated just when it needed to be calmed down instead.

I liked batters post - agree with everything she says. Please try not to worry Redberry - I'm sure he hasn't marked his card.

[uwila]

So let me see if I've got this... In an effort to show your DS that pinching (physical agression) is wrong, the teaching assistant bent down to show him who was boss by physically removing him from this trike he had been playing on? And it sounds like this may have been done without warning. Hmmmm... Sound a bit like mixed messages. And after your DS responded with similar physical aggression, he was hauled off to sit in an office with a bunch of grown ups whom (I'm assuming) he does not know.

Now I am normally a fairly strict disciplinarian, but this is a mark for the teaching assistant, not the 3 year old.

However, I aree that a "how can we all work together..." approach would be more productive.

[CiaoLeoCiaoOllie]

I think it was right to take him to the head as he will be starting school very soon anyway, so it's showing him what will happen if he is naughty and preparing him IYSWIM.

[fishfinger]

hes going to school too ealy imo
keep him off a year

[morningpaper]

I wonder if fishfinger has a point and maybe he is too young to be in this kind of environment if he responds to an adult in a position of authority with physical violence. I don't know what people think the teacher SHOULD have done? Sat him down for a chat?! What sort of message would that give to the other children? If he's not old enough to understand what is acceptable and to understand discipline then maybe he needs to be a little older before he is in this sort of environment.

Hope that doesn't sound too harsh.

Glad I'm not a teacher though!

[gigglinggoblin]

i dont think that should have happened on a taster day and although i dont agree with fishy, i would wonder if you have chosen the right school for him.

[fishfinger]

defintitely
even if he does go to nursery
hei behaviour sound like that of a typicla three year old ( well maybe 2)
give him a break

[fishfinger]

school at three
Pah!

[gigglinggoblin]

normal three year old behaviour, very possibly not ready for that school - but if he doesnt go he is likely to miss out reception and will be expected to go straight into year one where he will have to be quiet and sit still. they get away with a lot more in reception and i dont think missing it is helpful in the slightest. not saying you are wrong that three is too young, just that it will be harder for him to start next year

[fishfinger]

not at all
can easlily be the oldest in reception next year

ive done both
ds1 august
ds2 september birthday
I knwo whoich is te better by a lon g chalk