What should I be fighting for?

[Summerkoala]

Hi Everyone,

I'm looking for advice on what I should be asking for/fighting for with finances following separation.

My ex and I only have the asset of the house and he will buy me out using money borrowed from a family member. He will therefore have no mortgage on a 3 bed townhouse moving forward and be paying a minimal amount to his family member each month.
I have moved out into a small 2bed bungalow with a monthly rent of £1200. I work part time as we have two young children (2 and 5) and am claiming universal credit to help with this. My UC covers money for both children, and my ex says this means he shouldn't be paying me any maintenance towards the children. We have a 60/40 split at the moment, is this fair? I have always been the children's primary caregiver and he is trying to penalise me for paying more into the house while I was on maternity leave.

Also, once I accept any offer, my UC will stop and ill be eating into the money to cover monthly expenses while he has disposable income from having no mortgage.

We have the court hearing later in the year and I don't know what to ask for. He's offering me a buy out amount based on the lowest valuation of the house, subtracting cost of sale and early repayment fee. Shouldn't he buy me out on the highest valuation? Or at least a half way point?

Would the court take anything else into consideration? Eg. He earns more than me, will have less outgoings moving forward. I am in quite a lot of debt from having to move out without any furniture or white goods.

We both have pensions, but there is not a big difference between them.

No other assets.

What should I do? Should I accept his low offer and just get it over with? Or should I fight? Anyone have experience with this?

[BranchGold]

Ia he an employee or self employed? For starters you want to be getting Cms sorted.

what are the figures? Between highest and lowest valuation?

what do you want to achieve? Is it possible for you to get a mortgage? I would be making property ownership my number one priority if it was even vaguely achievable. Otherwise your UC will be halted and you’ll blow through any equity you have in rent etc. Could you get a mortgage with your parents?

[LemonTT]

He should be paying Child support regardless of what your income is from work or UC or child benefit. Just submit a claim and forget about his opinion. Let someone else explain it to him.

This will change your finances and his finances at least until the children are older. It may make home ownership more affordable for you.

He will be better off if he is getting a family subsidy for housing. Just accept that as it’s not marital money. Your children will benefit from having a father in a stable situation.

You need to find a way to secure your capital rather than live off it. If that is achievable make it your goal.

[millymollymoomoo]

He should buy you out based on avg of valuations less selling fees

however it’s possible you might be awarded higher than 50% split

he should pay child maintenance so put in a claim for that

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

Surely a lot depends on whether you're married or not?

[millymollymoomoo]

@Unexpectedlysinglemum good point
i had assumed so but if not he owes you your share if house ( depending how you own it) and cms
that’s it

uf married you might be awarded slightly more assets

but ongoing still just cms

[Summerkoala]

Thank you.

Yes, we're married. And I agree that it's best for him to stay in the house as it's stability for the children, that's not an issue. I just want to ensure we're both getting a fair settlement.

The house was valued at between 300k - 325k and we still have 170k left on the mortgage, minus the cost of sale and early repayment fee.

He's certain that we should settle on the buy out of 300k but it just doesn't feel right and doesn't feel fair if he's able to stay there, mortgage free with all of our furniture and white goods which we purchased together.

I could accept his offer of 55k and be done with it, but I feel I'm being taken for a fool. Money has never been my strong point, and he works in finances so knows more than me, which puts me at a disadvantage in all this.

[Summerkoala]

And thank you for the advice on cms. He made me believe I deserved to be paying it all as I left him in debt once I left the family home and because I was receiving UC for both children.

Will the court take this into account that he's not paid anything for the past year?

[LemonTT]

No they won’t take it into account it was an option available to you. They won’t get into the why and why not of what your agreed between you.

The court is there to determine the split of assets. Accepting pensions are the same that is £130k equity. They cannot do anything about the extra money he will receive from his parents. It’s not marital money.

The equity will be split according to need. Let’s assume you need a 2-3 bedroom property and he needs the same.

Your income plus Equity will determine whether and what you can afford to buy or rent. His income plus equity will determine the same. If he is a higher earner he can afford more and needs less equity share.

You should work out your income and expenditure. Then find out how much you can borrow and what you can buy. He will do the same.

This means you will should get more equity. I have no idea what it would look like without knowing your income, salary, UC plus CMS. And his income , less CMs.

You can agree to share the contents of the house. You just need to ask the court for what you want.

These are all things you should have worked out before court.

[Marmight]

Would he agree to a RICS surveyor coming up with a value for the house? More accurate than an estate agent.
Or agree to use the average of three estate agents.
Of course he wants to use the lowest price. It benefits him massively.
Why an offer of £55k only?
The early repayment fee plus costs aren't £10k each. (Assuming £300k is used)
Selling costs shouldn't be too bad. Only need a TR1 form signed plus the agreement of the amount he has to pay you. a conveyancer could do that.

[answau]

What about pensions?
Have you looked at Form E to make sure you've had full and frank disclosure?
Get all the assets on the table, get them valued and then negotiate.
Pensions have a cash equivalent transfer value - and do think about the income value. An actuary / pensions on divorce expert report may be needed.
For the house, you can choose estate agent valuation - like other posters said, average of three? Or a surveyor.

[Iamnotawinp]

Are you talking to a solicitor? You really should be.

We had three valuations of the house by estate agents and settled (after a bit of hassle from him) on a mid point (less selling costs). My ex is buying me out with equity release.

We are splitting the furniture and white goods as I will need stuff when I buy a new home. We haven’t got that far yet - but I will seek mediation if he gets difficult.

[Yogatoga1]

Unfortunately as you have moved out you may now both be considered by a court to be “adequately housed”. If so you now can’t argue you need a bigger share of the house in order to provide a home for your children on your income.

add to that courts are unlikely to force a sale of the house to make him give you more money, leaving him effectively homeless.

if you had stayed in the family home, you could have argued you couldn’t afford to move you and your children and may have won a larger share, as the same applies, a sale wouldn’t have been forced so you might have been allowed to buy him out at a lower %.

get legal advice though.

[Holshicup]

Op please get yourself some legal advice, it was the best advice I have ever been given in a similar situation to you.

[Solonelyy]

Call the CMS tomorrow their number is 0800 171 2345. Explain the situation and the split of you having the kids more, they will be able to calculate what your ex should be paying you. Don’t let him get away with it.

[Solonelyy]

And yes definitely seek legal advice before agreeing to anything. Don’t let him rush you, take the time you need to get the advice

[Summerkoala]

Thank you all so much.

Yes, I have sought legal advice but that was a while ago and I can't afford any more meetings at the moment as they're £280 per hour.

We have pensions, his is around £31k and mine around £40k but the court advised during the first short hearing that it's not worth considering as the cost to get a breakdown of each from the companies would be over £1000. Although, my ex didn't like hearing that, so is now threatening to demand they take those into consideration and has deducted the difference himself, hense the low offer of £55k.

In response to the reply about staying in the house, I tried so hard and we continued living together for almost a year after separation, but the situation was so unhealthy for my two children as I was sleeping on an airbed in my daughter's room while he had the bedroom. As it was my choice to separate, he convinced me that this is what I deserved. The silence and atmosphere was affecting the children so I took the decision to leave, for their wellbeing, but it was the most horrendous and difficult thing I've ever had to do! Since then, I've had a year of controlling behaviour from him and have had to contact women's aid and the police for advice as it was getting out of control. It's all so difficult to think rationally!

I feel he's pressuring and rushing me into accepting his offer.

We have had three valuations from estate agents which all said between £300k-£325 which is why I offered to settle on £312500 as an average, but he's not willing to negotiate.

[Summerkoala]

May I ask what the outcome of your situation was Holshicup?

[caringcarer]

You should get 3 valuations for the house and take midpoint of all 3. A court will see that as reasonable. Go the CMS as if he only has DC 40 percent he will need to pay you a little for maintenance cost for them. Your UC has nothing whatsoever to do with him. Once DC both at school I'd try to increase your hours. You need to keep paying into a pension.

[BirthdayRainbow]

This is one of those situations when you can't afford not to have a solicitor ime.

[Allisfairinloveandwar]

If I was in your shoes I’d move back and then ask him to move out. You the main carer for the kids and on benefits. I would also ask for the house to be sold later so you and kids have a roof over your head. He pays child support and also maintenance to you then you put some towards mortgage payments.

This would be great if the law allows. He is likely to refuse to move. Then start the court proceedings for financials and grow think skin to his behaviours

[PoorlyCatmummy]

You are entitled to a free CETV once every 12 months on pensions .

[grumpyoldeyeore]

Apply for CMS. Go through the court process using free advice from websites / books etc. court will take mid point of valuations, will take into account you have children more, probably wont consider pensions as they are broadly equal and your earning capacity is lower and may take into account his family ‘help’ and award you a bigger share. He will probably have to get info on mortgage capacity which may reveal he can pay you more for buy out. There will be no costs of sale if he isn’t moving out. Im not sure you would be expected pay fee for paying off mortgage early that would seem be his choice by borrowing money elsewhere. The mortgage could just be transferred to him. I wouldn’t rush it just let the court decide and not engage with him except when you have to. Look into shared ownership so UC would pay rent portion. If the court order states the money is for you to buy a house then UC can continue for 6 months I think to allow for that - assuming you can find something to buy. It would seem unlikely a court would award you less than his offer so I doubt you have much to lose by just letting court process play out.

[Ansa1]

following up on what grumpy old eyeore said about pensions, It depends what types of pensions they are, not just the CETV. They may not be like for like.

[Nimbus1999]

Please don’t settle with him.

I really think you need help to make sure it is a fair deal. You’ve only got one chance at this, and the result will impact yours and your children’s life for many years to come.

He definitely needs to pay CM, doesn’t matter about UC.

He can’t take the lowest valuation, it should be the average of at least 3. I would get my own valuations also, don’t rely on him.

What is going to happen when all the equity has gone? Will you be able to pay the rent from your salary?

What do you need to be able to do to afford to buy your own place? Is that anyway possible? Can you increase your hours / earn more?

If he is keeping all the furniture, a value should be attributed towards that in the settlement.

I know all solicitors are mega expensive, what about mediation? That is normally cheaper. Can you agree to settle the bill from the proceeds of the house sale (that’s what I have done).

Please don’t give up without a fight. Know your rights, don’t let him bully you and make sure you are getting a fair deal.

[RedHelenB]

Personally I'd accept the offer. You've got a better pension, the extra £10000 or so you may get will soon be eaten up with lawyer fees plus it'll be eating away at you. Ask for £70 000 and anything over the £55 000 see as a bonus.And claim child maintenance from now.