Ex stopped paying maintenance

[MichelleC69]

Not sure where to post this, sorry if it's the wrong place. My ex husband has stopped paying maintenance without warning. He pays me a nominal amount as he pays for school fees but that's by the by. My daughter is switching schools in Sept (6th form) and the fees are a bit higher where she's going, so I agreed that he could stop the maintenance when she went there. We were never specific about which month that would happen, maybe we should have been. But this month he has just decided to withdraw it. I expected it to be paid til the end of the summer. My question is, what action am I able to take, if any?

[Eustasiavye]

If he is the one insisting your dc attends private school, then you might be better off going through the cms.
He will have to pay maintenance and if he wants her to attend private school then I'm assuming he will still pay the fees if you threaten not to.

[Giraffeinabox]

Sounds like his way of keeping an element of control. Stopping 3 months early full well knowing you wont be bothered to go through the effort of cma for 3 months of 100quid. Just a thought, is child near to turning 18? As he may think you dont require it if shes working part time/classed as an adult.

[Giraffeinabox]

Cms not cma!

[MichelleC69]

No, she's 16 and about to go into 6th form. Won't be in paid employment for years as she plans to go to Uni.

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

So you have an almost 50/50 split of residency and he still pays you maintenance AND school fees? In 50/50 arrangements there is no maintenance to be paid. Ok so it's about 57/43 but I think you are very lucky indeed that he pays you £100 for the 7% extra time she's with you. My exH pays me £200 a month for my dd and contributes towards nothing else at all. He has her EOW and part of the holidays. It works out about 75 nights a year. A lot of women on here get sweet FA in maintenance so unless you are paying for all the things she needs and he contributes nothing to that then I think you are expecting t

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

Posted too soon thanks to LO. Expecting too much. You agreed to the school fees for sixth form. 6th form starts in September. It sounds reasonable that he's stopped the £100 a month as sixth form will cost a small fortune. I assume you agreed to her going to the school?

[NotBeingRobbed]

How much does it cost to raise a child? Hard to pin down. There are personal everyday costs - food, transport (bus fares to school and car to ferry around), clothing. There are the costs of maintaining a family home - mortgage, electricity, gas, water, insurance. Obviously housing a family costs more than for one person. Childcare costs (depending on age and needs these can be more than a mortgage). Holidays and outings. And then things like clubs and extra tuition - a real open-ended one. CMS don’t allow for this at all, I reckon. But over the years I’ve paid for all sorts of things from ice-skating to Rainbows to holiday clubs and tutors. There are haircuts, all sorts of sundries like buying presents for friends, even sanitary products. It goes on and on.

The Child Poverty Action Group estimates the cost to 18 for a single parent family including childcare costs at £187,100. That’s the minimum. My ex pays £72 a week. A total of £67,392 over 18 years. So nowhere near half. Thanks, CMS. I won’t let my child live in poverty so the rest is down to me.

I’m not including in any of this the cost of going to uni. I am helping my older one with living costs - it’s impossible without this. Dad paying nothing.

[NotBeingRobbed]

And that calculation does not include any school fees, of course!!

[MichelleC69]

'unless you are paying for all the things she needs' - yes I am. He pays school fees and nothing else. I pay for clothes, mobile phone, school uniform, school lunches, etc etc etc. He thinks that because he is giving her a private education (which I didn't think was necessary) his job is done. Don't get me wrong, she's very lucky to go to a good school. But I can't afford to send her if I were paying and I don't think it's the bee all and end all.

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

So does she have nothing of her own at his place that's provided by him? No clothes, no shoes, no activities, nothing when there? Does she take a suitcase every week full of everything she needs? How does she get to school? Do you pay for her transport when she's with him?
My exH tried this to start with and ruined all their clothes so I refused to send them with anything other than what they were wearing. He soon started buying them things.

[MichelleC69]

She leaves stuff at his house but it's all paid for by me.

[NotBeingRobbed]

Not sure if this is for me or the OP but my child has no contact at all with her father.

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

If you're paying for the school uniform I would send him a message saying that due to finances and the fact that it's him who wants the private education you will not plebe paying for the school uniform this year.

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

Surely if she's just leaving some stuff she takes there isn't enough there for nearly half the week? Does she do nothing when there? Go nowhere? I don't believe for one second that he doesn't provide anything for her there.

[RandomMess]

Presumably you can just go to CMS the school fees are an optional extra, basic maintenance is not..

[TheOrigRightsofwomen]

So if the maintenance was going to stop in sept anyway, presumably you're not on your knees financially.

I don't really understand - if this £100 is entirely separate to the fees why did you agree it should stop at all?

How did you plan to manage in Sept?

Anyway, just go to CMS.

[Eustasiavye]

I don't know why people are having a dog at the op.
Lots of nrp are shit. Thousands and thousands of them. Sidebar if you get nothing from the father of your dc, that is not the point.
The ops ex chose to send their dd to private school. This does not absolve him from paying maintenance. The ops has to decide if going through the cms is worth risking her ex stopping paying the school fees.
From what the op has written it seems it is her ex who wants to keep sending the dd to private school.

[NotBeingRobbed]

He should be paying maintenance whether you need it or not, of course, as she is his child. But is it worth risking losing the fees for £300? Unfortunately we have a system where if the costs are high it’s not worth fighting.

[SinkGirl]

People are asking about residency splits because this affects how much maintenance he would be required to pay.

I’d let the £300 go but tell him without that money he will need to help with the costs of uniform, other things she needs etc.

[LifeContinues]

To OP

If you use CMS they will calculate Child Maintenance solely on what your Ex earns.

[NotBeingRobbed]

It’s amazing, isn’t it, how most men think their children don’t cost any money!

[TheOrigRightsofwomen]

Do they? I think if I was a man/father I'd be really insulted by that comment.

[NotBeingRobbed]

Well I said most, not all. Thinking particularly about my ex, who is angry at having to pay anything towards his kids and thinks I should cover it all. There are a lot of stories on here about men trying to wriggle out of their obligations. No doubt some women do it too but I think most of us feel extremely committed to supporting our kids.

[NotBeingRobbed]

And yes, I suppose it is insulting. Insulting to my kids, that is, who get the message they are worth nothing to their father. That is hurtful. They are teenagers so know what’s going on. In fact he tells them. For example, complaining about what they could buy if they received the money.

[TheOrigRightsofwomen]

I still don't think it's most men...and I speak as someone who has been trying to get a nominal amount from ex via CMS since January.