Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

1 2 3

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Ex stopped paying maintenance

70 replies

MichelleC69 · 25/06/2019 09:22

Not sure where to post this, sorry if it's the wrong place. My ex husband has stopped paying maintenance without warning. He pays me a nominal amount as he pays for school fees but that's by the by. My daughter is switching schools in Sept (6th form) and the fees are a bit higher where she's going, so I agreed that he could stop the maintenance when she went there. We were never specific about which month that would happen, maybe we should have been. But this month he has just decided to withdraw it. I expected it to be paid til the end of the summer. My question is, what action am I able to take, if any?

OP posts:

Report

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 03/07/2019 15:18

Robbed I don't think anyone is suggesting CMS will pay school fees, but the maintenance OPs ex should be paying each month. Going through CMS will mean he can't decide on a whim not to pay.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 03/07/2019 15:06

Use the CMS calculator and check how much maintenance he should pay you

Tell him that you need to budget therefore if he is going to stop payments without notice you will need a formal arrangement via CMS

He's going to pay for the school no matter what by the sounds of it so I don't see how he's holding that over you

NotBeingRobbed · 03/07/2019 14:46

I really doubt any CMS money would stretch to school fees. Aren’t fees part of a consent order, should you be wealthy enough to pay them?

Newtknown · 03/07/2019 14:36

Have you tried the online calculator for maintenance? If he can afford school fees a bet he's meant to be paying a lot more than £100 a month. Why don't you look and see if the amount he's meant to be giving you is more than the school fees anyway - then he can't hold this over your head. He has to give you that money and you can pay the fees yourself.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 03/07/2019 14:09

That's why CMS are there.

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 12:41

I can afford the uniform, that's not the point. It's the fact that he stopped the maintenance 3 months earlier than I expected and I had budgeted to have it. It's not going to break the bank, it's the fact that he thinks he can do what he likes. He's begrudged paying every penny of that maintenance for 8 years.

OP posts:

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 02/07/2019 10:34

Could you speak to school to see if DD could get a bursary?
That would require both parents to submit financial info, and it sounds like the Dad can afford the fees, but is just being stupid about it. They don't award bursaries for being stupid! I imagine your ex has already signed a fees agreement for next term and paid a hefty deposit.

Likewise, when it comes to uni maintenance, he will need to declare his income.

Can you actually afford the uniform? What sort of uniform is it for 6th form anyway, surely just smart clothes isn't it?

You will feel stronger if you just leave him out of it.

OP, of course you have a choice. If you can't afford the fees then that's that. There are plenty of other opportunities for your daughter at this stage.

NotBeingRobbed · 02/07/2019 09:53

I’d also ask him directly if he cannot afford it any more.

notapizzaeater · 02/07/2019 09:52

How much does he earn ?

Could you speak to school to see if DD could get a bursary?

NotBeingRobbed · 02/07/2019 09:48

You have a great advantage at the moment - there is a big change-around in state schools at sixth form. Some of the better schools even offer more places for year 12. It’s late to apply but not impossible because a lot happens - other youngsters decide to go to college if their GCSEs are not so good. So you can investigate now - you have two and a half weeks before they break up.

If he wants to threaten to cut off funding then you have to investigate your options. Your DD will have to realise he is doing this. Either he is in difficulty and can’t afford it or he is manipulating the situation out of spite. At 16 she will have to learn the reality. It’s tough but it’s what happens in divorce. Good luck.

trevthecat · 02/07/2019 09:43

CMS sorry not CSA

trevthecat · 02/07/2019 09:42

I don't think you would be entitled to very much though CSA, your almost 50/50 split custody, he's paying school fees. Maybe give them a ring but I don't think you will get much if anything.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 02/07/2019 09:35

No. He hyped her up. So you have him in a corner.

You tell him you'll start applying for public schools as you can't afford the uniform and that you need to tell your daughter soon so what does he propose?

If you're just going to let him walk over you then do it. But if you want change you're going to actually have to stand up for yourself.

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 09:35

I don't disagree with you @NotBeingRobbed, but he has manipulated the situation such that I feel I now have no choice.

OP posts:

NotBeingRobbed · 02/07/2019 09:32

BTW lots of kids go to great unis from state schools. And the less you earn the more she can borrow towards maintenance. Sadly he is not obliged to pay anything towards uni.

NotBeingRobbed · 02/07/2019 09:31

She will have to know she’s not going now because daddy won’t pay. Has he got financial problems?

NotBeingRobbed · 02/07/2019 09:29

She can go to a local college or state sixth form. You can still find a place. It’s what the rest of us have to do whether we like it or not. What has he saved up towards uni?

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 09:23

I can't do that because he's hyped up this school to her and she's got her heart set on it now. He knows he's got me cornered.

OP posts:

Contraceptionismyfriend · 02/07/2019 09:18

So just reply saying should I begin the emergency applications to the local schools?

You said it was him who wanted her to go so tell him that you're happy for her to go to public school.

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 09:06

So I've just tried to appeal to his better nature by requesting that he help out with new uniform in lieu of maintenance and the response I get is 'tell you what, you pay the school fees and I'll buy the uniform. And by the way what have you saved up for her university fund?' He really is a grade A twat. I'll be clear - I'm not skint. But I cannot afford school fees on my salary. The school was entirely his choice, but he appears to think that by paying them his work is done.

OP posts:

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 01/07/2019 12:19

I still don't think it's most men...and I speak as someone who has been trying to get a nominal amount from ex via CMS since January.

NotBeingRobbed · 01/07/2019 12:09

And yes, I suppose it is insulting. Insulting to my kids, that is, who get the message they are worth nothing to their father. That is hurtful. They are teenagers so know what’s going on. In fact he tells them. For example, complaining about what they could buy if they received the money.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

NotBeingRobbed · 01/07/2019 12:07

Well I said most, not all. Thinking particularly about my ex, who is angry at having to pay anything towards his kids and thinks I should cover it all. There are a lot of stories on here about men trying to wriggle out of their obligations. No doubt some women do it too but I think most of us feel extremely committed to supporting our kids.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 01/07/2019 11:58

Do they? I think if I was a man/father I'd be really insulted by that comment.

NotBeingRobbed · 01/07/2019 10:24

It’s amazing, isn’t it, how most men think their children don’t cost any money!

Unflip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.