Dementia and Driving. Cannot believe this......any support

[skiingnomore]

My mother is 78. Has been having memory issues for more than 5 years. Resisted a dementia diagnosis 2 years ago but we finally got memory clinic to push the issue and diagnose with mixed dementia.....vascular and alzheimers at the end of november 2017.

Mum is a widow. She is difficult and nasty. She has zero insight and judgement. She confabulates and lies extensively. She refuses to make any changes to her lifestyle such as writing things down. She cannot remember from one second to the next. She doesn't take her meds. She has withdrawn completely from family life. We organise everything for her. She cannot use the telephone or make arrangements and stick to them. She is a toddler ifykwim.

She cannot deal with any paperwork. We have registered her POA. Her car was un taxed and uninsured. She ordered a new kitchen and paid a 5k deposit and then forgot for 12 months.

3 moths ago for the umpteenth time she lost her car. We got her home via taxi late one friday night . The next morning she had no idea she did not have her car. We scoured the local city and eventually found it. took it home to our house. It was 4 days before she asked us where it was. no recollection of the event. we declined to return it to her deeming
her not safe to drive.

We have had 3 months of nasty aggressive backlash despite driving her everywhere she wanted to go . Today she had an independent driving assessment via the DVLA. when asked by the OT she could not say where she was; why she was there and what for ;what diagnosis she had ; what drugs she took and what illnesses she had.

She was taken out to drive round the local housing estate at less than 30 miles per hour and at the end of it deemed to be safe to drive and given her licence. The assessor said he would not explain the decision to her because there would be no point as she wouldn't remember the discussion anyway and just because she can't find her way and she loses her car all the time that didn't mean she wasn't safe to drive.

Anyone else join me in a chorus of WTF WTF WTF ??

Shall i give her the assessors number for the next time i need to rescue her and her car because she has no idea where she is or how she got there ?

[MagggieMay]

The assessors job is to check she is safe to drive and she is. They can't deprive her of her liberties, do you have both types of POA?

[NotSoSureX]

First I am sorry to hear about what your mum and the whole family is going through. I am afraid she shouldn't be driving at all. She is a threat to herself and other road users and pedestrian. Is her GP aware of her driving. He might be of help (driving advise and various aspects of living with dementia). Decision making in dementia is very complexe. If she wouldn't give up driving, I would get the GP involved. The DVLA must be made aware and her driving license will likely to be revoked. She can be fined to 1000£ !

[NotSoSureX]

Sorry I missed the part about her safe to drive. WTF ? I am not sure how helpful is your GP but get him/her involved. Dementia only goes one way unfortunately. Did they ask for another assessment on a later date ???

[Cherrycokewinning]

Notsosure she has been deemed fit to drive

The threshold for removing a license is very high. It’s not really about whether she knows why she’s going to her destination. I’m not surprised she passed the assessment

[eastlondoner]

I understand your frustration but her dementia and ability to drive safely are two separate things. They are only checking whether she's a safe driver not whether she'd know where she was driving or where she'd left her car etc.

[Tinseltower]

Why did you take her? When her next assessment is due, let her get there herself. If she doesn’t turn up then she won’t get an assessment. Also the dvla will not give her a license if she has memory problems without a GP letter backing her up as safe to drive.

[LineyS]

That's crackers considering she could end up in theory and practice driving on a motorway. At 29mph presumably.

[skiingnomore]

we only have an EPA no both types.

How can it be right that someone who cannot comply with the statutory requirements to own and use a car can be allowed drive ? whose responsibility is it to renew the insurance and tax and MOT ?

She genuinely has no memory at all. If she was involved in an accident she would not know what to do or who she is insured with or be able to deal with any paperwork or criminal proceedings. How can that be right ?

[retirednow]

I would write to her GP and the DVLA and express your concern that she is not fit to drive then take the car keys away, she could end up anywhere and that makes her very vulnerable. Has she had a capacity/memory assessment done. You say you have POA, is this for her health and welfare? you can act in her best interests and it can't be in her best interest to not know where she is.

[skiingnomore]

retired now. We did that but her consultant said she must have a DVLA assessment and they have said she is safe to drive. They have said that the fact she cannot find her way or know where she is is not relevant !

[woodlanddreamer]

Read the OP folks, she's been diagnosed with mixed dementia so presumably has had a memory assessment. I'm shocked, OP.

[SingingTunelessly]

Going through this at the moment with a 95yo relative. It’s utterly shocking that they can hold onto their licence and drive. An accident waiting to happen and god help the innocents they might plough down.

[Thebookswereherfriends]

Can you just not return the car? Or say the keys are lost.

[retirednow]

do you know when insurance, tax or MOT are due for renewal, don't book any of these things for her. how does she put petrol in the car? don't do it for her please or give her any money to do it. This sounds so wrong, she really should not be on the road.

[skiingnomore]

have already bowed into the vitriolic pressure to give hearth car back. I have teenagers too. The hoops they have to jump through to pass their test is incredible. My mother on the other hand is unable to manage any basic admin function and yet can get behind the wheel of a lethal weapon . As society we are creating a huge issue. Regardless of age there should be better licensing of driving. Self assessment is lethal. My mother believes there is nothing wrong with her.

[hatgirl]

Take a wheel off the car and put it in her garage/the boot. Every time she asks about it say it's waiting to be mended. Offer to drive her, or get her a taxi to where she wants to go 'until it's mended'

You haven't damaged or stolen anything of hers by doing this.

[glitterbiscuits]

We had a similar situation for MIL,who had dementia.

Who booked the appointment for the assessment?

[holightssmolights]

As hard as it will be, you need to report her to the police. That will put into motion a report to the DVLA who should then contact her GP for a report.

Sorry it's so shit, dementia sucks

[JenniferYellowHat1980]

My grandfather drove he wrong way round a roundabout at night time before his dementia was particularly advanced. Only takes one lapse. Crazy that she should keep her licence.

[divafever99]

How can the DVLA say that the fact she can't find her way is irrelevant? What if she accidentally ended up on a busy duel carriageway or the motorway? I am sorry you are having to go through this op. My mother is currently going through a similar thing with her father. Although his dementia is not as advanced as your dm we have great concerns about him driving. I advised my dm to contact the DVLA but it appears after your experience this would be pointless.

[mikado1]

It's the driving assessor that will send the doctor their report and then doctor's letter for licence comes from this.

Assessor msy set some limits- only 30k from home, no night time driving etc?

Re tax and insurance, easy to say dont insure but god forbid domething happened she wouldnt be covered.. going on your description, it does seem mad to leave her on the road. I wonder would her neurologist reassure you in terms of the differences in memory needed for driving compared to the other areas she's failing in? Least you might feel she and others are safe? Think it's procedural memory and lasts longer than others.

[Thehogfather]

Does her insurance company have all the recent medical details? Because being deemed fit to drive and finding an insurer willing to take her on for an affordable price might be two different things.

And yes agree with others, it's ludicrous that a 12-16yr old isn't allowed a license regardless of how well they can physically drive because they aren't deemed to be mentally capable of being in charge of a vehicle. But an elderly person only needs to be physically capable

[retirednow]

Call the police if she goes missing again and let them help. Where does she think she is going when she gets in the car. If she has no short term memory how can she even remember how to drive. Very sad

[Jenijena]

My ndn has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. His wife was advised by her GP to lose the car keys; she’s also sold the car and he’s now (two months down the line) accepted it.

[skiingnomore]

thanks everyone.the reality is she has been assessed and the DVLA say she is safe to drive.

the issue of capacity is time and task specific. the fact she couldn't insure the car or find it when she has driven somewhere is irrelevant. she can physically control it and that is deemed good enough.

so the family are left with the fall out. we tried to hide the keys and all of that but she was nasty and aggressive ( when she remembered we had taken it ) and so we decided that a formal assessment was the fairest way.

never in a month of sundays did we think that someone who couldn't remember why she was even at the test centre having been reminded many times on the journey there would be deemed fit to drive. now we will have to wait for the first crisis.