Is Mumsnet sexist?

[AlbertGiordino]

I was thinking of dad-specific threads (see other thread). I cant really think of any. But I have heard the odd complaint that male posters are treated with less respect than female ones. I've only experienced this once, but it would be interesting to know whether this is a common occurrence.

As a predominantly female user base, I would expect some gender bias towards women and so therefore against men. But to what extent does it occur?

As I said I've only ever experienced it once, so IME Mumsnet isnt Sexist.

I know, it sounds goady. But I would like to hear some opinion. I'm not sure either way.

PLEASE NOTE - I KNOW THE VAST MAJORITY OF WOMEN ON MUMSNET ARE LOVELY AND NOT SEXIST - THE TITLE WAS TO ATTRACT READERS/POSTERS

[LuisCarol]

The validity of your points notwithstanding, I was hoping to keep the thread on purley an even keel with regards to gender discrimination against men (or other "majority" groups) on internet forums that have a distinct tone in favour of "minority" groups.

If I'm reading this correctly, then I don't think you can do this. If you want to co-opt the language of the wider world to apply to internet sites with populations skewed in unusual ways, you have to accept the baggage the terminology carries. IOW if you want to call any discrimination against men at mumsnet.com sexism, you have to accept the wider contexts of real life sexism.

And I really struggle to equate those two things.

If you want to have a discussion about gender discrimination against men at mumsnet.com, you may need to come up with some context free terminology.

If I'm reading it correctly.

[rpitchfo]

can i change my answer

[TheDoctrineOfSanta]

Would you like to go 50:50 or phone a friend, rpitch?

[Pan]

Holy smoke! Nope. No answer changing. It suggests you have been reading and taking on board other poster's views and that just isn't the practice round these parts.

[rpitchfo]

Well originally I said low level stuff but some of the threads I've read recently have got be questioning that.

[Pan]

yes, I know what you mean rpitcho - a while ago it wasn't like that, but more latterly there's been quite a change. It;s a problem of democracy. It lets just everyone in unfortunately.

[LuisCarol]

??

[Pan]

?? Which bit, 0-5 Luis?

[LuisCarol]

Yesterday was fun. Which threads are you talking about and how have they changed rpitchfo's opinion or mumsnets demographic?

[AlbertGiordinHoHoho]

I just got called an MRA - I know I'm not, and I don't think my post were paticularly mysoginistic (I was telling the OP that she didnt have to LTB (he deffo was a B, as well)), but I'm like the nicest man around...

I should probably hide Relationships.

And AIBU

[Toadinthehole]

AIBU is the board I normally hang around on, and I'd say that considering it is (I assume) overwhelmingly female, there is surprisingly little sexism. There was recently a thread about why it is that why men tend to be NRP (Pan, I think you were on this one) where some pretty blatant sexism was being displayed, but even that was challenged - a bit.

I just tend to take it all with a pinch of salt and move on.

Relationships I tend to avoid completely. I am a bit wary taking advice from complete strangers who know nothing about a situation other than what they have been informed via the printed word. Sometimes a situation is clear cut; mostly it isn't.

[Pan]

Luis - not so much specific threads often (though the NRP one currently is sprayed with discriminatory nonsense - yes Toad, i'd posted there) but often posters reveal their thought-hinterland but would swear earnestly against that.
Congrats on the MRA thing Albert - it comes to many of us at some stage. I've never had that tbh, but I've been an apologist for lots of nasty things. Apparently.
Yes blocking Rel, FWR and AIBU for lengthy periods is a good way to go, ime. And also yes to the pinch of salt approach. I'm much better at that recently, realising many 'controversial and much loved posters' in particular sections are merely exercising their typing skills.

[fifi669]

MN is sexist. Obviously there are some stories of right bastards but there are quite a few cases were the majority are saying LTB, don't allow him access to the kids, make sure you get yourself on house deeds then leave him etc. when the man has been labelled as abusive because he raised his voice in an argument. I can't be the only one who can get a bit shouty if you're having a full on Barney?

I seem to be sticking up for men a lot on here because of the nature that the majority of the time the man is the bastard, when if the OP was the man it wouldn't be the case. As someone else has pointed out it can be from all sorts of topics, porn, child rearing, employment...

[fifi669]

Oh I say this as a rape apologist apparently..... An OP expected oral after giving, instead he went straight for sex and she was miffed. Despite saying herself she wanted the sex, people were trying to convince her she was raped.... I said that was rubbish and that being a selfish lover wasn't a crime.

[Toadinthehole]

I do remember a thread in Rel where lots of people were saying LTB! LTB! LTB!

And while I read the OP's various responses, I began to wish she would - because it would have been clearly beneficial to him.

[PosyNarker]

I don't think Mumsnet in itself is sexist.

Having said that I often push to views that are gender specific.

[DadOnIce]

The site strives to be egalitarian and generally succeeds. I don't think we can say Mumsnet as a whole is sexist.

As already noted, there are some individuals who make comments about men which, were they said about women, would not be allowed to stand. And there are occasionally double standards on issues, especially those to do with relationships, sex, porn, alcohol and socialising.

Am I the only one who really hates that expression "this man" in Relationships? Sooner or later, in a particularly spiky Relationships thread, it will happen - someone will say "Does this man not understand...?" or "And you have children with this man?" It feels really uncomfortable and dismissive.

[LuisCarol]

Can people please link the threads they are talking about? It's kinda hard to take some of these claims seriously otherwise, if I'm honest.

Am I the only one who really hates that expression "this man" in Relationships? Sooner or later, in a particularly spiky Relationships thread, it will happen - someone will say "Does this man not understand...?" or "And you have children with this man?" It feels really uncomfortable and dismissive.

Why?

Seriously, why?

[LuisCarol]

Guys, please look at AIBU, FWR, Relationships and mumsnet in general as an educational resource, not a challenge. STFU about some other man being referred to as "this man". That's not sexism. It may be uncomfortable if you were identifying with that man, but it's not sexism. Being obliquely referred to as an MRA if you were defending a man's relationship when he posted intimate videos of his wife on the internet may be uncomfortable, but it's not sexism. Being met with suspicion as to your motives on the internet may be uncomfortable, but it's not sexism.

Wind your necks in and listen. Don't you dare put aibu and fwr and relationships on ignore. Please please read them. Just don't reply.

[Toadinthehole]

I suggest you put your views a bit more temperately if you want anyone to follow them.

[LuisCarol]

Why?

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

LuisCarol I don't think your approach is particularly helpful

[LuisCarol]

Why not?

[TheDoctrineOfSanta]

DadOnIce, surely "why does this man think..." is accurate, as compared to "why do men think..."

The latter often gets pulled up on by other women on the thread.

[YoDiggity]

I don't know about sexist exactly, but I do think that if a man posts in Relationships with a tale of woe about his partner, the replies tend to lean heavily towards assuming that the she has very good reason to do whatever she's doing, and it must be as a result of him being a bit crap. Whereas if a woman posts with the same woes she gets understanding and empathy heaped upon her and even based on pretty scant one sided info the man is found guilty by the MN kangaroo court.

Examples are:

Woman: I am trapped in a loveless, sexless relationship. There is no intimacy. I feel worthless and unloved and lonely. I know it was wrong but I had a ONS with a bloke at work. I still love my DH and I don't really want an affair but it was a desperate cry for help.

MN: Poor you, no-one should have to live without intimacy and physical affection. Don't get drawn into an affair, although the ONS was wrong it is understandable. Explain to your DH how you feel and tell him he needs to work on his issues before he drives you away permanently. You are within your rights to leave because of this. You deserve better.

Man: I am trapped in a loveless, sexless relationship. There is no intimacy. I feel worthless and unloved and lonely. I know it was wrong but I had a ONS with a girl at work. I love my DW and I don't really want an affair but it was a cry for help.

MN: You are a selfish bastard and it's all about you you you isn't it? Well poor you, having to go without sex for a few weeks at a time. Hardly going to kill you, is it? Your wife is not a machine put there just for your pleasure you know. Perhaps she's turned off by your endless pleading and whining for sex, and general neediness? Ever thought of that? She's probably exhausted with the kids, poor woman. Do you do your fair share with the children and the around the house? Anyway, whatever the problem is in your marriage YABVVU to shag a girl at work, and I'd advise your wife to LTB.