from January I have £62 a month to buy food, extra heating and everything else...

[Happylander]

Due to ex leaving me I have, after all bills apart from extra heating, £62 a month to buy food and anything else I need.

Anyone got any advice on how the hell I am supposed to manage I already shop at LIDL.

[Scootergrrrl]

If he's in the army, it might be worth you looking to forces charities for help - there's SSAFA, the British Legion, who have a specific women's section to help partners, ex-partners and children, among other things and a couple more, I think. I'll do some research into it for you, if you like. You can't manage on that little money, especially not with a child. Your ex sounds like a shameful father.

[VivaLeBeaver]

Have you got an ethnic/Indian grocery store near you? You can get big bags of rice, lentils, dried beans, etc there cheaper than supermarkets. Not sure if cheaper than lidl's,.....

What a twat your ex is, how the hell can a father be happy that his son is living like this. I hope things get better soon and you get some advice to help manage debts or get you more benefits.

[Scootergrrrl]

This might help

[inmysparetime]

Can the sky entirely and get freeview, most of the extra channels are tripe anyway.
Renegotiate the mortgage to extend the term, it will mean more interest long term but be more manageable right now.
Freecycle for toys, clothes, furniture etc.
Get a bike (poss. off Freecycle) and a child seat, 3 miles is doable with a 2yo on the back.
Switch things off where possible, turn down heating and wear extra jumpers, bed socks, hats etc.
Go through direct debits and cancel anything you no longer need or use (e.g. Extended warranties or memberships)

[RedHelenB]

How much of your total income is your mortgage as a %. How big a house is it? From what you have stated he is not a high earner so it is unlikely that he will be ordered to pay spousal maintenance to you on divorce. That £80 won't be forthcoming because in my experience men (mostly) pay the CSA guidelines.

You cannot exist on only £62 a month without getting seriously into debt? Any chance you could move in with your mum, sell the house & then start saving for a deposit & mortgage in your own right?

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

What I would do in your position, right now, is go on money saving expert, register there and post an SOA (Statement of Accounts) on the debt free wanabee forum. Explain the situation and ask them for help and advice - you will get it.

How much are your loan repayments? Can you get legal advice re. the loan to see if a court can order him to repay half? What was the loan for - is there any money left? Unfortunately it may be the case that you have to default on the loan, as someone upthread suggested. If you have debts of less than £15k you could see if you qualify for a Debt Relief Order.

Also, give your mortgage company a call to see if you can go on a repayment holiday. I took one when I was on maternity leave and my ex had left me in the shit. They let me have a 6 month holiday, which was just what I needed until I went back to work. In your case, it would give you valuable time to sort your finances out and become more settled.

I really feel for you. It's a nightmare when a fucktard of an ex lands you in the shit with a child to feed, then fucks off with their bitch of an OW .

[Happylander]

I am going to try really hard to get a lodger as I will be fine if I get one. I am extremely lucky in that one of my friends gave me £150 last night and insisted that I take it. Made me cry and I hadn't even started drinking! I will be okay for next couple of months with that although clearly won't be buying non essentials.

softkittywarnkitty i will try mortgage company but when I asked for interest only while off sick they wouldn't but I will give it ago. Sorry to hear about your story. I never realised so many men just walked out and never gave a shit.

I am hoping that my compensation money will be sorted in the next 6 months and that it will be enough to lower the mortgage to a reasonable amount. Not counting on it though it has been going on for 2 years!

Happy new year to all and thanks for all the advice.

[pinkappleby]

Sounds horrible :(

Are you making sure that the house is put in your name if you are paying for it all and there is no equity?

[Happylander]

It can't be put into my name only on the mortgage but I am going to get the deeds of trust put into my name only so he can not make a claim on it.

It has all been horrible and I can not understand why he is being so nasty when he was the one that walked out.

Never mind new year. new start. Hoping to get a residency order so he can't keep threatening to take our DS and go for custody and I know I will learn to cope with such a little amount plus I will lose some weight so that is a positive thing to come out of all this LOL

[MollieO]

£38 for broadband and phone is a huge amount. Have a look at Plusnet value. I pay £5.99 for broadband and line rental is cheap too. Have a look here they have an offer of £3.24 for broadband for 6 months and line rental for £9.49. Changing would save you £25.27/mth which would make a big difference.

[ValentineBombshell]

Have you been to a solicitor? It sounds as if your TOE (Tosser Of an Ex) should be paying not only child maintenance but also possibly spousal to cover the costs your salary cannot meet (saw someone say maybe you won't qualify given his income, but still worth finding out). You can get free 30mins advice from many solicitors who deal in family law who might be able to give you a clearer idea what your rights are re finances and the threats re custody. You only pay if you instruct them to action it.
And talk to the tax credit people - madly, it may make sense to work less and receive more. Certainly it came as a surprise to me when I got a card through the post entitling me to free dentistry and prescriptions.
Long term, your massive mortgage isn't do-able. Again, you need to find out a) if you can afford somewhere smaller b)if you worked less would you qualify for housing benefit. A frank talk with CAB might help.

[RedHelenB]

I don't think you would get housing benefit straight away on a mortgaged property & when you did it would only be for the interest, plus if the house was deemed to be too big for your needs you would get less. So I would think carefully before cutting hours particulary as you have free childcare.

As I understand it you have one child & earn 25,000 which should mean approximately 2000 a month + maintenance from ex which is about what I & my three children are roughly on but my mortgage is less than a quarter of that a month. I know it is hard but you can't have the same lifestyle after you split usually & tough decisions have to be made regarding budget. Getting a lodger does sound like one way to boost income but obviously comes with a downside too. Did you buy your bungalow off your Gran fairly recently?

Debt relief orders are only for those who don't own property so that wouldn't apply to you.

Something has to give though as that left over money simply isn't enough, ok for a moth or two but not long term.

You could not pay the loan but then you face the risk of bad credit rating & ultimately losing your house. But it wouldn't hurt to ring them & see if the payments can be altered in any way. And it's certainly worth asking bout an interest only mortgage again BUT ex would have to agree to this anyway as he is on the mortgage.

[inmysparetime]

He is on the mortgage? You should get him to give up his interest in the house, otherwise he can legitimately take money you have paid into the mortgage as his. He may agree to call half the amount paid off the mortgage the limit of his share. You are probably "tenants in common", you need to change this to e.g. He owns 5%, you own 95% but are responsible for the mortgage payments, once that's sorted extend the mortgage term. Talk to all creditors straight away, they can only help you if you let them know your situation.

[learningtofly]

OP your situation sounds really desperate and there is some good advice on this thread.

The bit that worries me is you said you were using the bread from work in one post. Unless your hospital allows staff to use it I would really advise you not to do this. In my experience the nhs is really cracking down on these types of things (even staff using patient milk in staff cups of tea is not allowed in some trusts) and the last thing you need is trouble from work.

[pollyblue]

Just a quick thought re you renting out a room - are you advertising it at the hospital where you work? Good chance of finding a lodger there i would've thought. A friend of mine used to take in lodgers - always new police recruits or policemen/women who'd just moved into the area - all arranged via the police service. Might be worth contacting your local station?

[SusanneLinder]

STOP PAYING THE DEBT!!!! If it is unsecured debt,you feed yourself and your child first.

Get thee to CCCS, National Debtline or look on Money Advice Trust website. Sorry, not a fan of most CAB's unless you get a trained Advisor and not a volunteer. I have been a Money Advisor for 9 years,but as my advice is based on law North of the Border, not going to be a huge amount of use to you.

Also got to Money Saving Expert and go on Debt Free Wannabe forum.They have brilliant advice there.

You can also go on make sense of cards , where there is a great budget planner.

[imaginethat]

Great advice in here.

I agree with the food shopping/freezing advice. Also buying in bulk (rice & pasta).

Porridge/rice & beans/pasta & tomatoes/tuna - I know it's boring, but it's important to stay healthy when you've got so much to contend with.

You'll become a money expert within a few months and we'll all be taking your advice.

Good luck OP

[Happylander]

I started to play nasty with the useless ex. Thought as a last resort I would say 'pay me the that £80 more a month or you won't see your son as I don't consider you to be responsible enough to look after him'. It worked. Another months mortgage paid plus £80 more a month and I can live on £140 a month for food. Took all day to get him to do it lets hope he sticks to it. Gives me another month to sort out a lodger.

[imaginethat]

Well fuck me bloody hell, go you!!

Ultimately though, you will be glad to be more separate from him. You go girl with your lodger-finding, your smart shopping/cooking & freezing, your walking and weight-losing.

Do eat well, stick to your walks, do some pre-bed wind down stuff (bath with lavender, nice music etc) to help yourself sleep better - you deserve to enjoy your life and not give it up to stress and worry.

I have had to do some radical cost-cutting since my marriage break up and I look back aghast at how wasteful I was but also happy by how frugal I've learnt to be and how much more I enjoy simplicity. Sorry if that sounds very Good Life-ish and annoying, but try to believe it can and will get easier x

[DamnDeDoubtance]

CCCS

These people offer excellent advice, you really have to stop paying the loan.
How much are the re payments each month?

[Happylander]

£217 but I really don't want to do that. I wasn't bought up to not pay things. I would stress more about not having paid it and the knock on effects of that than living off of £140 a month. Plus I have begged from SSAFA and they are trying to pay for it off.

I think £140 is okay. My mum has my DS 2 whole days so only 5 days a week for food.

[MollieO]

Have you looked at my link to change your broadband/phone to a far cheaper provider? Those are the sort of economies you need to be making. I'm not in your position but there is no way I'd be happy to pay £38 a month when you can get service for a third of that.

[Happylander]

i have only just changed from so I am tied into a contract. I looked and thought that was cheap as I was paying £38 for BT broadband before and £40 odd for sky. To me it looked cheaper LOL.

[SusanneLinder]

Happylander, its not a case of not being brought up to pay the loan.No one -especially me- would ever say don't pay your debt. What I AM saying is, stop paying £217 a month for a loan that you can't afford. And either negotiate for temporary lower payments for the loan, or if you can't do that on your own, then contact a Debt Advice Agency. If it is in joint names, get him to pay half.If it was for joint household stuff,then get to a solicitor and get a separation agreement so that he pays half. You are paying it back-just not paying it at the rate they want you too.Oh and don't worry, they will make plenty of profit out of it anyway.Trust me, I used to do collections before I worked for Money Advice.

And sorry-£140 a month is a ridiculously low amount to be spending on food for yourself and a child a month.I know people can manage on that, but it is FAR too LOW.