Is everyone using grandparents for childcare now?

[UnicornAndSparkles]

We've reached our limit. 2 parents juggling working from home and looking after our 2 yr old. Both in professional jobs that require concentration, which is difficult at the best of times, but with a 2 yr old at home constantly for 12 weeks its becoming impossible.

Usually DD goes nursery 3 days a week whilst I work. Nursery is still closed.

Everyone we know is either using their parents (grandparents) or nursery for childcare. Does everyone you know do this?

Are we wrong to consider asking our parents to help us? Both sets live close by but until now we have seen them only twice and maintained social distance. Both sets are in their late 60s/early 70s. We would be so grateful even for just a day of help to enable us to work.

[ohthegoats]

prioritising those who have been on their own for the past 12 weeks

I get that - it makes sense, especially older folk I think. Less likely to be interested in tech - as a generalisation. They didn't prioritise only children in going back to school though, which perhaps they should have done.

[PotteringAlong]

It's a shame but your kids, you look after them.

It’s not that simple. I either I or DH don’t go into work next week then that’s one less bubble that can open in my school. And school have been very clear that, unless we have a shielding letter, we need to be in school and teaching.

Now our heads have been really flexible to allow us in and out at slightly odd times but the reality is that, if children are to be at school then teachers need to teach them. And I cannot be in school to teach whilst simultaneously dropping my own children off if that wrap around is nor available, nor if nursery cannot offer the hours they used to.

It’s not that I don’t want to look after my own kids. It’s that my balancing act has fallen apart for what amounts to 9 hours in a week. And I am trying to fix that in the safest and easiest way possible.

[PotteringAlong]

The second paragraph is really badly worded

Basically, I can’t be at school and taking my children to school at the same time . And wrap around and nursery isn’t open at the minute.

[Chewbecca]

We just restarted PT last week. GPs are under 60 and furloughed/working PT so able to take a little bit of pressure off.

[DemolitionBarbie]

Nope, DH works full time and I work three days. 3.5yo and 1yo DC.

We've managed for three months with working our arses off and doing evenings. I've just been put on furlough.

Pretty sure 3.5yo won't be back at nursery until sept at the earliest. But I don't want to expose my parents to something that might kill them.

[Nquartz]

I would if I needed to, my parents & in-laws only go food shopping once a week (and only one from each couple), so it feels less risky to me than mixing with a bunch of random kids at school/nursery (if it's even available, which it quite often isn't) whom you don't know their situation & who they're mixing with/how strictly they've adhered to lock down.

[Nicknacky]

Devlesko Do you say that about parents using childcare in normal times?

My H and I both work out of the home. I use my dad.

[Jjttmm]

I’m not using any family for childcare. My sister in law usually has my son 4 days a week and parents in law once. We are both working from home and sorting it out between us. None of my friends are using grandparents for childcare as they don’t want to expose them to any risk etc. I know it must be really hard for those that have to work outside of the home but if I’m home, I will keep him here with us

[postyourlunch]

Where I live we can use a non vulnerable family member or friend for childcare.
We've been just about managing so far but our 3yo basically is left to his own devices for a couple of hours a day which isn't great.
Thinking of asking grandparents (under 65 no health conditions) to come and play with him in the garden a couple of hours a week.
The infection rate is really low here.

[tappitytaptap]

Mumsnet doesn’t reflect the reality of my friends and acquaintances with this issue. We lived with my parents until last weekend and they are helping us out for a couple of weeks before kids go back to nursery. Usually 2days a week nursery, 2 days grandparents and I have a day off. We will see what the latest announcements are and how risky we feel it is when the children are back at nursery as to whether we continue with grandparent care. I have a friend who works in ICU who is using grandparents, and several others too.

[tappitytaptap]

Will also add, we don’t live in a ‘hotspot’, grandparents are mid 60s with no health conditions.

[Spinakker]

I tjink if you are not out and about in the community and keep supermarket visits to a minimum then the risk is low

[MeadowHay]

My DM has done part-time childcare for me throughout lockdown, as she did before. She's not in any higher risk categories and was happy to do it. As DH is a keyworker we remained entitled to the nursery care so the other option would be increasing her nursery care which would be increasing transmission risks more, and also financially difficult.

DH is a keyworker in a hospital and loads of the hospital staff have been using more or less informal childcare provision throughout lockdown, including doctors and nurses etc. Things like using grandparent care or having students or friends volunteer or be paid to provide childcare.

[GenderApostate19]

I take care of my 10 month old Grandson for Teacher DD.
I gave up work to do it before this shitshow started, I haven’t had to have him often but DD will be back at work half days from next week so I’ll be there daily. Her partner ( key worker) also has 2 kids and they currently have them 3 days a week , his ex wife is a nurse.

[mamalicious3030]

I have a combo for my daughter normally, which is nursery 2 days and a registered childminder the other 2 days. The childminder is now allowed to take all children back but nursery is not. Might be worth seeing if any childminders near you have slots. I imagine not all parents will feel comfortable sending them back yet so there may be space until the nursery reopens. Depends if you wanted to introduce this new element to your children though. Personally, it suits my daughter very well having both. Good luck!

[PatchworkElmer]

As of this week, my Mum is having DS one day a week. DH and I both have full-on, full time jobs. At the moment, we are doing shifts, and one of us is always working between the hours of 7am and 9:30pm. We are exhausted, and probably not giving our best to DS or our jobs as a result.

The announcement of the ‘support bubble’ for single households was what pushed my Mum to push us to let her help. Just for context, my cousin is a single mum, currently not working, her children go to their dad’s 2 days a week- obviously under the rules, she is now able to see another household for support, and has already dropped her kids off to be cared for by her parents so that she can have a break. I understand why she is allowed support- she is lonely and it’s tough for her. However, our MH is also suffering, and I would argue that we’re under more pressure (and in more need of support) than someone in her situation.

[Bluewavescrashing]

No, they live 3 hours' drive away and my dad is over 70 so we have only met them one for a socially distant walk.

[soundsystem]

Most people I know are still struggling through, but it is being discussed more and is very tempting! I know a few people who have hired nanny's/mothers helps now.

[1moreRep]

i have been using the school as i'm a key worker but even this has problems as i work in the police and therefore i'm always worried about making pick up as you can't always just leave on time.

the only saving grace is that exp is also a key worker so we are helping each other with the children and i know why they go to their dads i can work as long as needed.

i really need my parents help again

[Hercwasonaroll]

A lots of teachers I know have had to /are starting to this week. Wrap around is closed so even if you have a school place, it's not long enough. Safer to keep them out of school and in a grandparent bubble.

Government didn't think about working parents at all.

[Mammyloveswine]

You CAN use grandparents for childcare if you normally do and they are not shielding.

My colleague even emailed her local Tory mp to check who confirmed that this was indeed perfectly permitted within the guidance.

[kingkuta]

My MIL has offered but FIL is shielding so wont take her up on it even though the risk is very low. If they were in good health then I would.

My parents are doing my childcare. However they are 49 and 51

Big chris God me and dh are 49 and 51 and both working full time, green with envy !

Me too Chris and DC are only in primary. Blows my mind that people my age are retired and grandparents

[CountFosco]

No. They live hours away (and in Scotland so no bubbles there). DH and I are working shifts round each other so we can do homeschooling and work.

You can WFH, only have 1 small child that presumably still naps and goes to bed in the early evening, you've just got to keep going. Take some annual leave if you are getting tired.

[Weekday28]

I have discussed this with both sets of family this weekend as we are looking into the 6 weeks hols and both have said yes.

Our wrap around care still isn't open and I have reduced my hours now as we were burnt out. More and more people will be doing this.

[TheOrigBrave]

Nope.
Both my parents are dead, and lived too far away anyway.
Ex-MIL and ex-FIL are not well enough.

My DS is yr6 and has been back at school since 1st June which has been a godsend as I am a single parent working full time (from home).

I hope his school remains open for him until the end of term.
I am hoping that lockdown has eased further and that the weather is good over the summer holidays so he can go out in the village with his friends, otherwise it's going to be very hard. Fortunately I have a very understanding and supportive employer.