Ok please don’t bite my head off...

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

...I am just canvassing for opinions as I haven’t made my mind up yet.

DS (17) has a girlfriend, fairly serious, seeing each other for six months or so. She lives a half an hour drive away. He speaks to her everyday but they are obviously missing each other.

She lives not far from a lovely dog friendly beach. How bad would it be if we drive down there to walk the dogs and ‘accidentally’ bump into her? He promises no contact and keeping 2m apart. He’s just desperate to see her in person and says it’s just not the same talking over Skype or messenger.

I can chaperone to make double sure there are no smooching shenanigans. He’s been absolutely rock solid about lockdown, hasn’t tried to go out to meet friends (unlike a lot of teens round here).

I feel really sorry for him. He struggles with his mood and takes antidepressants if that makes any difference. This would give him a much needed mood lift (which is why I’m considering it).

Is this within the spirit of lock down or a total pisstake?

[dottiedodah]

I dont know really ,all the advice currently seems unclear to me .Just the other day they said you could drive into the countryside .As long as you spent longer there than your journey each way ,which seems to make little sense to me .A chap I know always drives his dogs and so do many others .I have stuck to walking and saw a friend in the park (kept distance had chat)Yet would not feel comfortable calling another chum and asking to meet up! I think it is difficult .The beach here is being patrolled by the police with loudspeakers!By all means try it but you may come unstuck!

[chillikor]

I'd do it! It's a lovely gesture, risk is minimal. You can watch from 5m or so away.
All I see is teens meeting up in parks, if she's not living with someone vulnerable and you aren't either, imagine how much he'd appreciate the gesture.

Do it!

[dottiedodah]

Calling friend to meet up on park (social distancing I meant)

[BovaryX]

Just the other day they said you could drive into the countryside .As long as you spent longer there than your journey each way ,which seems to make little sense to me

I just looked at the advice to the College of Police. It states that a drive to a walking destination is 'reasonable ' if the intention is to go on a comparatively long walk. Exercise, as in continuous movement, okay. What the authorities do not want is people driving to a beauty spot and sitting down for an extended period of sunbathing, picnicking etc. The reason is obvious; proximity to other people for extended periods of inactivity. I guess that is why they are patrolling the beach.

[Chloemol]

Nope not allowed. It’s one of life’s hard lessons that many kids are now having to learn.

[anonymum95]

Of course it's a pisstake. The rules are that you cannot meet up with people from outside your household. My partner and I are both also on anti depressants and I can promise you there's nothing I want more than to see my loved ones but I can't and I am really struggling, as is everyone. Just follow the rules and the lockdown can end sooner, then he can see his girlfriend as often as he likes.

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

We’re not doing it, I said upthread.

[Spiffingly]

I'd let him. And what's more, I wouldn't be watching them. It's fine for middle aged mums, mostly living with our partners to get judgey about it, but this must be bloody awful for teens.
If they stick to keeping apart, then the police can frankly, fuck off.

[Bluesheep8]

Do it!

Seriously? What is wrong with people??

[Bluesheep8]

but this must be bloody awful for teens.

It's awful for everyone. Middle aged mum's with partners still have parents

[tempnamechange98765]

Aw OP I would, half an hour away? I would do it and follow at a big distance to chaperone so it's not a gathering of more than two people. Is there an alternative option to the beach?

I know you say you're not going to but I do think it could be achieved by sticking to social distancing. You could combine the drive with a supermarket collection or something? I haven't gotten into the car since before lockdown but I will be driving to our third nearest ASDA a good few miles away next Thursday, as it was the only online/click and collect slot I could get. I was tempted to drive past my sister's house who lives nearby and wave at her through the window, but tbh it's not worth it, I can speak to her on FaceTime but different to young love

[sunnyday1976]

Aren't we all really, really missing people we want to meet up with? Adults and children alike. If we all met up with the people we wanted, even social distancing, then the whole lockdown would be more or less pointless!

[dottiedodah]

BovaryX yes you are probably right ,but I thought the reason to not drive was to relieve pressure on emergency services in case of accidents or breakdowns?The beach here (South Coast) is normally packed like sardines if even a hint of sun! There are many dog walkers though but all the car parks are closed! Surely that will only be for local residents who live along the beach front .

[madcatladyforever]

I take antidepressants too but there isn't a clause in the rules that says people with low mood can go to the beach half a hour's drive away ff's.
I use other coping mechanisms that don't involve people potentially dying.

[Mulhollandmagoo]

It's really hard, because it must be breaking your heart to see your son upset, and we all know what young love is like!! But reiterate to him constantly how well he is doing by not flouting the rules of other teenagers are, he is potentially saving people's lives

But when thinking about whether or not things are acceptable the best way I've explained it (to my mother 😡) is...what would happen if everyone did what you wanted to do, if it would make no difference at all then go for it, if you know it would cause a problem then don't. Everyone is missing friends and family and getting creative when it comes to communicating with each other, so maybe get him to switch it up, instead of Skype try letters? Something different and something for them to keep too

[unlikelytobe]

You've said you're not going to do it - good!

Now support your son to take a mature and responsible attitude to this separation. It won't be forever. We're all in the same boat, moral fibre required.

[Mrhodgeymaheg]

It is in the guidelines that you can drive to have exercise, but you need to exercise longer than the journey, which may actually make more sense if it is hard to socially distance in a local area. I think this might be why more clarification was released last week. There isn't a law against driving to have exercise.

I think it is possible to do this and ensure they are kept apart, but the issue is them putting pressure on you to bend the rules for them.

You will get a lot of people getting arsey on here though. Not the best place to get a balanced answer.

[ellanwood]

I feel for him but he has to cope with it for now. Please don't encourage an impressionable teen to think rules are for other people not him or that his feelings create a special case for him, as though other people don't have feelings and therefore find it easier. I understand his longing but tell him it's Skype and phone for now, but not for much longer.

Loads of people have handled being separated from loved ones throughout history - working abroad or away from home, travelling or even just going to uni. It won't be forever. Get them to write a bucket list of stuff they want to do together when they can meet up again (probably in May or early June.)

[notdisclosedtoday]

Yeah fuck it. Why not indeed. Cant be any more dangerous than people congregating in supermarkets or on trains.

[SomewhereNow]

It's awful for everyone. Middle aged mum's with partners still have parents

Aren't we all really, really missing people we want to meet up with?

Sorry but there's a massive difference between missing eg parents and missing a partner, you just can't compare the 2. It feels a bit as though those who don't live with their OHs (often for very sensible reasons like putting their kids first) are being punished for that tbh.

[Spiffingly]

Aren't teenagers developmentally at the part of their lives that they are emotionally moving away from the family unit and more towards their peers? So, being kept at home will feel like extra torture.
I would go stir crazy just staying in on a Friday night as a teen, let alone all day, everyday, for weeks!

[10milewalk]

If you think it would improve your sons mental health, go ahead, just a two minute hello would surly cheer him up and you can make sure they stand two metres apart.

[cookingmywaythroughlockdown]

I would do it. Carefully.

[Prontoe]

I would do it. Poor guy. This is a really hard situation and it's no different to him going to the shops and being in close proximity to several different people.

[Wingedharpy]

His girlfriend's parents may not thank you if you do.