Ok please don’t bite my head off...

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

...I am just canvassing for opinions as I haven’t made my mind up yet.

DS (17) has a girlfriend, fairly serious, seeing each other for six months or so. She lives a half an hour drive away. He speaks to her everyday but they are obviously missing each other.

She lives not far from a lovely dog friendly beach. How bad would it be if we drive down there to walk the dogs and ‘accidentally’ bump into her? He promises no contact and keeping 2m apart. He’s just desperate to see her in person and says it’s just not the same talking over Skype or messenger.

I can chaperone to make double sure there are no smooching shenanigans. He’s been absolutely rock solid about lockdown, hasn’t tried to go out to meet friends (unlike a lot of teens round here).

I feel really sorry for him. He struggles with his mood and takes antidepressants if that makes any difference. This would give him a much needed mood lift (which is why I’m considering it).

Is this within the spirit of lock down or a total pisstake?

[Freelancegirl]

I would do it too. I hope you change your mind. Like a PP said, time it for driving back 8pm on thursday!

[Genderwitched]

For what it's worth OP, i'd do it as well...although I know you have already decided against. I really wouldn't ask questions like that on here, you know that you are going to get loads of people telling you that you must stick to the exact letter of the rules. But in reality, you know your son best and what is best for him.

[NoMorePoliticsPlease]

No. I think it says something in our country that so many people are looking to bend the guidelines. Its as if the threat of this virus isnt quite real. Does one of your neighbours have to die for you to get it.? People who let their adult children come to stay from London, My friends in Italy cant believe us. He wont die of missing his girlfriend

[Whatnametomorrow10]

I sympathise I have a DD17 desperate to see her boyfriend (been together for 15 months) they live a 15 minute drive away but it’s not classed as essential- they don’t live ‘passing a shop’ etc
They haven’t seen each other they’ve asked but I’ve said no - I feel bad but both family’s have younger children. As I said to my daughter if you did make them sick - and something happened to him or his family she would have to live with that. (Dramatic I know) but she understood.
Also good practice for once they at different universities!

[pfrench]

This whole thing is not a public order issue, it's a public health issue. You can do this, maintain the distance.

[BenjiB]

I’d let him too. As long as they keep to social distancing. It’s about using common sense. You’re just as likely to have an accident in the house as you are in the car.

[Rosehip10]

Total piss take. Your DS and his girlfriend need to act like the adults they almost are.

[LastTrainEast]

"it's no different to him going to the shops and being in close proximity to several different people." which is a necessary journey. How can there still be people who haven't understood the difference?

[LastTrainEast]

If you kept your distance no one would know, but they would find it hard staying apart and they'd want to do it again tomorrow anyway.

Anyway remember the reason for these rules. It's so that people like his girlfriend won't die horribly. Statistically they probably won't even if they do hug, but everyone has to think "what am I willing to bet"

[Fidgety31]

OP I would take him - but I would not chaperone them - he’s 17 not 7 !!

[Namesgonenow]

Just walking along the beach will make everyone feel better

I agree. It would. It would really really make me feel better right now. So why are we not all being allowed to do such things? Why are beaches being patrolled? How can people still not see this?

[Poetryinaction]

I would. You are putting no one at risk.

[LunaLula83]

Go for it. The whole thing is a farce anyway

[Wingedharpy]

His girlfriend's parents may not thank you if you do.

[Prontoe]

I would do it. Poor guy. This is a really hard situation and it's no different to him going to the shops and being in close proximity to several different people.

[cookingmywaythroughlockdown]

I would do it. Carefully.

[10milewalk]

If you think it would improve your sons mental health, go ahead, just a two minute hello would surly cheer him up and you can make sure they stand two metres apart.

[Spiffingly]

Aren't teenagers developmentally at the part of their lives that they are emotionally moving away from the family unit and more towards their peers? So, being kept at home will feel like extra torture.
I would go stir crazy just staying in on a Friday night as a teen, let alone all day, everyday, for weeks!

[SomewhereNow]

It's awful for everyone. Middle aged mum's with partners still have parents

Aren't we all really, really missing people we want to meet up with?

Sorry but there's a massive difference between missing eg parents and missing a partner, you just can't compare the 2. It feels a bit as though those who don't live with their OHs (often for very sensible reasons like putting their kids first) are being punished for that tbh.

[notdisclosedtoday]

Yeah fuck it. Why not indeed. Cant be any more dangerous than people congregating in supermarkets or on trains.

[ellanwood]

I feel for him but he has to cope with it for now. Please don't encourage an impressionable teen to think rules are for other people not him or that his feelings create a special case for him, as though other people don't have feelings and therefore find it easier. I understand his longing but tell him it's Skype and phone for now, but not for much longer.

Loads of people have handled being separated from loved ones throughout history - working abroad or away from home, travelling or even just going to uni. It won't be forever. Get them to write a bucket list of stuff they want to do together when they can meet up again (probably in May or early June.)

[Mrhodgeymaheg]

It is in the guidelines that you can drive to have exercise, but you need to exercise longer than the journey, which may actually make more sense if it is hard to socially distance in a local area. I think this might be why more clarification was released last week. There isn't a law against driving to have exercise.

I think it is possible to do this and ensure they are kept apart, but the issue is them putting pressure on you to bend the rules for them.

You will get a lot of people getting arsey on here though. Not the best place to get a balanced answer.

[unlikelytobe]

You've said you're not going to do it - good!

Now support your son to take a mature and responsible attitude to this separation. It won't be forever. We're all in the same boat, moral fibre required.

[Mulhollandmagoo]

It's really hard, because it must be breaking your heart to see your son upset, and we all know what young love is like!! But reiterate to him constantly how well he is doing by not flouting the rules of other teenagers are, he is potentially saving people's lives

But when thinking about whether or not things are acceptable the best way I've explained it (to my mother 😡) is...what would happen if everyone did what you wanted to do, if it would make no difference at all then go for it, if you know it would cause a problem then don't. Everyone is missing friends and family and getting creative when it comes to communicating with each other, so maybe get him to switch it up, instead of Skype try letters? Something different and something for them to keep too

[madcatladyforever]

I take antidepressants too but there isn't a clause in the rules that says people with low mood can go to the beach half a hour's drive away ff's.
I use other coping mechanisms that don't involve people potentially dying.