Ideas for presents for 15yo trans DD

[cricketmum84]

Bear with me Cos this is a difficult one!

Our 15yo has recently come out as trans (Male to female). And I am completely stuck on what to get her for Christmas.

She has started to take an interest in things like makeup, she likes certain body shop products and hoodies but only sort of statement ones that send out a message of some type. Her younger sister has already asked if she can buy her some bits of makeup so that's covered.

She is still very sensitive about the whole thing and I'm not sure if buying "girly" things would cause upset but I know that buying "boy" things (lynx, anything that says boy/man) would cause even more upset!

I've asked what she would like and she shrugs and says I don't know.

I know it's a long shot but does anyone have any ideas of something really lovely I could get her that won't offend or be awkward?? I just feel at a loss!

[Lovemusic33]

Glad it all went well and you and your dd had a good Christmas x

[Howmanysleepsnow]

Glad it went well.

[cricketmum84]

Just an update for anyone who is interested.

She loved her eyeshadow palette, brushes and necklace. I also got a daughter key ring that says you are stronger than you imagine and loved more than you know. Plus a few other bits.

She was very nervous about spending time with grandparents but I fully prepped them a little while ago and they all did their best to embrace her and use the right pronouns etc. She even fell asleep on her grandmas shoulder on Boxing Day (who she has always felt a bit uncomfortable around as she is step-grandma).

All in all a very successful Christmas and thank you so much for all the support and suggestions!

[WagtailRobin]

I don't have any suggestions for gifts but I just wanted to say I think it is lovely to "see" a parent do right by their child in this type of "situation" and I want to wish you all the very best for the future.

[Oppopotomouse]

Such a nice supportive thread.

[user1471504234]

Just another idea... How about a nice holdall/overnight bag for holidays? Useful and you can spend pretty much whatever you like/can spare on one.

[Italiangreyhound]

A trans friend of mine several years ago shared this advert clip with me. She told me this was how she felt about Christmas and the advert was a nice thing. Or words to that affect.

The text says "Let the gifts speak - from Dad - Christmas in Elgiganten"

Elgiganten is an electronic retail company (I thought it was a town in Denmark!)

Anyway, I think you want gifts to convey love and you are not getting feedback from your young person so I think the rainbow palette, unicorn make up brushes and necklace sound great.

[cricketmum84]

@Lovemusic33 I went for this one in the end. Think she will love the glitter colours as she was glitter mad at pride this year!! :)

[koshkat]

I was referring to Hag's daughter who I believe is a girl
and therefore female rather than the OP's child. Apologies Hag if this is not the case.

I teach teenage girls and I know how much they struggle with the male gaze and misogyny as they grow up and go through puberty and I was empathising.

[Lovemusic33]

I hope she likes the rainbow pallet, I want one for myself, I’m unsure wether to buy it for dd as she’s not very girly and doesn’t wear make up but she loves anything rainbow and LGBT. Dd often asks for bit of jewellery so I might get her a necklace and a jewellery box, she loves dragons so I was going to get her a dragon themed jewellery box. How about some nice slippers or unicorn slippers/slipper socks?

[cricketmum84]

Right just ordered a rainbow palette and a set of unicorn make up brushes. Plus a necklace of her favourite band.

[Trewser]

Apologies the pp was not talking about the Ops child.

[Trewser]

As soon as their breasts develop some men see them as fair game. I wish her all the very best

Sorry, but

[Oppopotomouse]

What about a make up box? - doesn't have to be a girly one.

[Thehagonthehill]

Ginger,I think that post was for me not the OP

[Italiangreyhound]

cricketmum84

Re "However she has run away multiple times and even taken an overdose in the past so we kinda have no choice but to tiptoe. She is in a delicate place emotionally and the last thing I want to do is to make it look like I'm not being supportive with an ill thought out gift."

It must be incredibly hard. We have a young trans person in our wider family (on the spectrum) and have experienced lots of hard things, not the running away but the suicide attempts. It is incredibly difficult.

I totally get why you don't want to get this wrong.

I'd try and get her to go out with you to a shopping centre or garden centre (the one that do loads of smellies and arty stuff etc).

See what she shows an interest in. Don't make it obvious.

I know your younger child is buying make up, so how about some really nice make up brushes.

Also you say she has few interests, any chance you could get her an experiential gift...

www.activitysuperstore.com/?gclid=CjwKCAiAh5_uBRA5EiwASW3Iav0x-F8MuSH8y8_wgBpI7DxmjW4dtc6uXFvPwxbvaeTguo_CHp8uCBoCxjcQAvD_BwE

[Thehagonthehill]

We have got by with a very good go helping with her my,chams being useless,and chasing up this referral regularly.
She is quite skilled at masking but her anxiety socially is difficult for her,knowing she may have autism helps as she doesn't feel at fault and so we concentrate on working out solutions for her.
OP,I sympathise as my daughter clammed up initially and finally talking to chams who then didn't help made things harder for a while.All I can say is listen to her when she does talk and remember that there is normal teen behaviour overlaid on other issues.we settled on me asking if moods were teen stuff or other then I knew whether to give her space or be available for when she needed me.
Monitoring her web use may be something you need to think of ,doable but without being too heavy handed.

[Gingerkittykat]

Hag I am glad that your daughter is coming to terms with her female body. It is bloody hard and we can never underestimate the damage that the misogyny and pornification of society does to our teenage girls. As soon as their breasts develop some men see them as fair game. I wish her all the very best.

The child does not have a female body.

[cricketmum84]

She has a journal :)

I actually only bought her one a couple of weeks ago, a unicorn one that says "Love who you are" on the front. I spotted it a few days after she had mentioned something about loving unicorns and she absolutely loved it :)

[cricketmum84]

@Lovemusic33 I think she would love the rainbow palette! I'm going to hunt one down now thanks :)

[WeMarchOn]

@user1374384 i was going to say the same about the link with ASD xx

[koshkat]

A journal could be a very good idea for them.

[helpamummaout]

What about some kind of journal? Sounds like she's going through a lot might help for her to get her thoughts on paper. It's just something I do when struggling with mental health xx

[cricketmum84]

@Thehagonthehill 2 years!!! How on earth can they get away with that. Can you imagine the uproar if someone was left waiting for 2 years for a diagnosis for a physical illness?

[koshkat]

Hag I am glad that your daughter is coming to terms with her female body. It is bloody hard and we can never underestimate the damage that the misogyny and pornification of society does to our teenage girls. As soon as their breasts develop some men see them as fair game. I wish her all the very best.