My 12yo will be home alone Christmas Eve. Any ideas?

[HappyHollyween]

For the first time ever (I know - I've been very lucky so far!) i have to work Christmas Eve. I'm also working the 23rd but DD's friend's mum has offered to take DD and friend shopping that day.

DD has always said she loves Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day as it's just us two, it's really relaxed and there is the excitement of 'just one more sleep!' We usually do some wrapping, karaoke, film and snack fest, walk with a scavenger hunt (still loves these at her age!) or a drive into town to look at the lights. She's quite disappointed this year that she'll be on her own.

She'll likely not get out of bed until 10am at the earliest and I will be home around 4.30pm. I was hoping to leave her a list of ideas she can crack on with to still enjoy the day without me.

E.g. I can leave her a Christmas Eve box - she can have a nice bath with smellies.

I can leave her some Christmas films to watch.

She can wrap the presents she bought the day before with her friend.

She can build a gingerbread house.

Any other ideas that your tweens like doing around Christmas? These all sound like things she'll probably get bored of doing on her own and will likely just sit on her phone all day! I want her to enjoy Christmas Eve just as much as she normally does and hopefully the day will go by quickly for her until I'm home.

[Sparklywolf]

Could you get a special set of decorations for her to put together, maybe a lego Christmas scene or a small tree with mini decorations she could put up and you can look forward to seeing when you get home?

If it's a safe rural area, could she hand deliver your local cards maybe?

Or if she's a reader a new book with all day to dive in (my idea of bliss!)

[MilkTrayLimeBarrel]

If you don't want her to use the oven just yet, how about making a cold pud you could enjoy on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Maybe a trifle (easy), panna cotta (easy), or maybe prepare something you could cook later, such as mince pies (pastry and filling), or meringues?

Other than that, I agree that Christmas Eve is far more magical than Christmas Day! Could she prep the veg for Christmas Day too?

[HappyHollyween]

Some other fab ideas, thank you! Love the idea of her putting on a bit of a spread with things like cheeses and bread for me coming home. She'll love setting that up. I think the new solo Christmas Eve plan this year sounds better than anything we'd have planned together!

I'm going to ignore the judgement, yes. It's something I get from my mother too. I have to work. What choice do I have but to leave DD alone when her friends' parents also work and our own family live three hours away and DD refuses to go to the registered child care providers because she is the oldest there by at least 6 years? She's been going there since she was 5 and begged me this summer before starting secondary to quit the childcare and I agreed and she has been as happy as a clam since. So, I'd ask those of you aghast at leaving a 12yo on her own, what do you do when you have to work? Keep in mind I have no family/friends nearby who could help. And keep in mind that childcare makes DD miserable. I'd love to hear your solutions.

[Ninkaninus]

You’re actually doing her a favour. Honestly, people make their precious babies stay babies for years past the point where it’s necessary and then expect them to be able to suddenly assimilate everything that adulthood entails and adjust to it easily. It is important to let older children be independent and to feel confident in looking after themselves in appropriate ways. And yes, you have to work. I had to as well.

[Proseccoinamug]

Ignore, OP, my 12 year old would far prefer to be home alone. Most of their friends do this too. I also wonder what these people do with their 12 year old while they work!! I don’t think a childminder or playscheme would even take a 12 year old!

[Mrsjayy]

My mum worked I stayed at home from 12 it is fine I wasn't some waif wandering the streets hungry I was 12:I watched TV and pottered about the house sometimes going to friends houses sometimes not most kids this age are home for a couple of hours at least.

[dottiedodah]

Why not do a mini version of the normal Christmas Day ? For example the Christmas lights will be in the evening anyway .Have some pizza for Supper .Maybe do a shorter Scavenger hunt by torchlight?,Come home and have some snacks ,watch Christmas films together have a slightly later night !

[dreichsky]

Honestly OP I'm sure she will be fine my pair would be delighted not to have a babysitter!
@MrGsFancyNewVagina It isn't too bad, there are lots of senior school and college students who have jobs collecting tweens from school, taking them to clubs and maybe feeding them.

[Saucery]

I think the treasure hunt and preparing evening nibbles sounds great and I would have loved a Christmas Eve like that at her age!

[AnnieMated1]

Totally not meaning to be goady..I have an 11 and 13 year old and wouldn't leave the oldest one for more than 2-3 hours tops. And on Christmas Eve?! Never. I just feel sorry for the OP's daughter - I work as well, so I get the whole juggling thing, trust me - but there MUST be something you can arrange for her?!

[redrobin123]

What about doing a mini Christmas Eve countdown calendar with something in it each of the hours you're away for her to do?

Like others have said have a lovely breakfast together then you could wrap up 6 little packages one for her to open each hour you're away with something for her to do inside?

E.g first package could be ingredients for gingerbread men. Second could be scavenger hunt, 3rd could be a Christmas film, 4th decorate a Christmas themed money box from hobbycraft and the final one could be make the home as Christmassy as possible before you get home, have a bath with a lush bathbomb put on Christmas pyjamas, light candles, turn all the Christmas lights on etc

Xxx

[notso]

I'm going to ignore the judgement, yes. It's something I get from my mother too.
Can't she come and stay with her then!

[ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]

@AnnieMated1 but the OP has specifically said her daughter prefers this. I totally respect that you feel it wouldn’t be right for your dc, but they’re all different, and I don’t see the need to feel sorry for her. (Also I think one 12 year old is different to an 11 plus a 13 year old, who are likely to squabble or wind each other up!)

[Willow2017]

AnnieMated
Why MUST there be something else op.can.arrange? She has explained that there isn't. Not everyone lives in big towns where there are buses every 10 minutes or things to do.

It's during the day, how many people irl get to.spend the whole day with their 12yr old?
If you don't trust your 13yr old alone in her own house why not?
She would probably love it. Mine would hardly notice I wasn't there they would be doing their own thing all day. (And sleeping most of
the Morning!)

Ignore all the guilt tripping OP your dd will love having the day to.herself.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I work from home and some days I would barely see my teen in the school holidays. Rest, tv, food. He is fine.

[clary]

Op some great ideas on here.

tbh, she should be ok (SN aside) to use the oven at 12yo. At each her in the meantime and she can make cookies etc.

Posters saying they wouldn't leave 12/13 yo home for a day...I assume you don't work, or work in a school - and even then what do you do on inset.

Honestly a 13yo is fine to be alone for the day, what do you think they will do? And when will it be ok?

[HappyHollyween]

@animated1 I'm not sure what else I could do. Can you share your ideas? It's very easy to say you don't like or that you disagree with something. Not so easy to come up with an alternative option. As a single mum with no family or friends around for DD to go to, and your DD who absolutely hates childcare, how do you manage to get to work? Do you pack in your career until your child is, what, 16? I'm a lowish earner in the NHS who cannot afford any childcare on my wage (outside of the registered ones which DD hates) and cannot take on someone like an au pair. Other than quitting and staying at home with DD until she's an adult herself, what can I do?

Wouldn't you feel more sorry for my daughter if she was miserable at childcare on Xmas Eve for 8 hours with a bunch of under 8yos being made to play games that are far too young for her and look after the toddlers (which is what started to happen as soon as she turned 10)?

[Bcnamechanger]

Just an idea but could you get her to curate your Christmas music playlists? It takes hours if you start from scratch and do one for each of Eve, Xmas and St Stephens. Or challenges where you have to find the Xmas no 1s for the last X years.

Love the suggestion of leaving wee packages to form an hourly to do list.

[TheGonnagle]

Sarah Raven has a fantastic gingerbread house recipe in her Christmas book. The dough makes a house plus decorations. If you download a house template omline you could make the dough and bake the pieces in the couple of days before together. Then she can build it using vast quantities of royal icing as glue and decorate it before you get home. I do it every year with dd and the building and decorating session is always about three hours!

[Ninkaninus]

Why do people always have to come along and guilt trip about something that’s perfectly fine? I appreciate that you weren’t trying to be goady, but I think it’s a bit rich to be so earnest about it. You feel sorry for her? Why? Because she’ll be able to have a lie in, potter about doing Christmassy things and feel like a grown up older child rather than a toddler that has to go see a childminder? It’s a few hours and there will be plenty of time to do Christmassy stuff with mum in the evening.

Even if she’s not jumping up and down with glee at the thought of it, it’s the reality of life, and there are ways to make the best of it and turn it into a fun time.

This business of trying to engineer it so one’s children never ever have to deal with any chance of being a bit lonely/bored/upset/feeling any emotion that isn’t 100% positive, actually hinders them from learning resilience.

[Ninkaninus]

Sorry that came out a little more forcefully than I meant it to.

But seriously, there’s no need to feel sorry for the girl. For all we know she’ll really enjoy having this special day with lots of things thought up by her mum to fill the time.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

Not helpful but, If it’s was me, if I couldn’t take A/L, I would probably phone in sick to work.

SpookyDot. What a fucking crap thing to do. To let down your colleagues who presumably would rather not be at work either but who are too moral and responsible to even contemplate doing the same. Sickening behaviour.

[Ninkaninus]

OP make sure to glue the gingerbread house together the night before. It’s better to have to four hands to help with that one, plus it gives the icing time to dry and harden properly.

[itsgettingweird]

Could you make a scavenger hunt of clues and maybe picture cut up to out together with a clue of what you'll do when you get home.

Then is it possible to book a cinema trip or panto for the evening?

Hopefully when she's found all the pieces she can have a nice bath etc and get ready to go out?

[ysmaem]

Can she stop over with a relative while you're at work?
You'll be home at 4.30pm, you'll have the whole evening, maybe make some exciting plans together so you both have something to look forward too. You could always get her some arts and crafts to do? Movies and snacks? Make a playlist of her favourite Christmas music for her to listen too. Get her some ingredients for her to make some cakes and cookies?