Atheists at Christmas, what do you do?

[SweetN0thing]

I'm just wondering if there's anyone who feels like me on this. I do not think of myself as belonging to any religion, I was brought up in a Christian household but just never got on with the idea. I never gave Christmas all that much thought, it's just one of those things basically everyone does (in uk anyway) and I just have gone along with it. I may not believe the Xmas story to be true but I sang the carols etc and all that malarkey.
Anyway, past couple of years I found myself in a state of turmoil, "what is it all about?" I found myself asking. The bombardment of Xmas related songs and adverts just become overwhelming. It's all consuming and I have felt suffocated by it the past couple of years.
I don't know many people who seem to genuinely celebrate the birth of Christ it just seems to be all about the presents. Who can spend the most? Is the philosophy drummed into us through the tv and other media. It feels so empty and hollow. Without a genuine reason for celebration buying presents for everyone you know seems a ridiculous indulgence (that I struggle to afford) We have 3 DC though and I know how much they look forward to xmas. But why are they getting presents? What reason do you give them for that?!
I'm already starting to dread it, there's no getting away from it.

[HattiesBackpack]

Thanks for answering. FWIW I celebrate Christmas mainly as a Christian festival but I also pinch things from the older religions too!
I think if you're not keen on the modern religious aspects then celebrating a mid winter festival is nice.

[WhoisLucasHood]

I find it's really easy to enjoy Christmas without even acknowledging a Christian element these days. We can call it Yule/Solstice/Winterfest. We can do Santa & Elves/ Tree/ Gifts/ nice Dinner with friends and family without Jesus. I like Christmas time as a traditional event rather than a religious festival.
I don't think there's a right way to enjoy it, like a PP said just choose the what you like to do.

[Eolian]

We're all atheists in my house (including my dc so far - they are 8 and 11). I love Christmas, carols, the whole lot. We don't go to church at Christmas unless we are staying with people who do, or occasionally if there's a carol service somewhere special.

I regard traditional celebrations at Christmas, Easter etc as part of the culture of the country in which I've been brought up, and I don't let not believing in god get in the way of our enjoyment.

If I were visiting or living in a country with different religious festivals (Christian or not) I would enjoy them too, unless there were things about them which were offensive/discriminatory etc. I would not need to believe in the country 's religion in order to do so.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Hattie - personally I think that's because Christianity is still a dominant active religion - while I don't believe in any gods, I^^ specifically lost faith in the god of abraham, IYSWIM.

[elQuintoConyo]

Christmas eve around 6pm DS whacks this fella with a stick while singing a song about poo and the Caga Tio (smiley log) poos presents: a Christmas dvd and some sweets.

We are a child, an atheist, and a lapsed Catholic. We'll go to see the nativity in the cathedral because it is huge and pretty, but no service or carol singers (not in UK). If there were carols I'd go as I love them.

I take DS to see the 3 Kings' parade on 5th January and when he gets home he has some of the sweets he caught from the parade (they fling boiled sweets into the crowd! No Elf n Safety here!), and he gets one gift (Darth Vader figure last year).

Christmas dinner is at 7pm with Fil, Sil and Bil: food, family, sharing. No prayers, not a lot of traditional (to me) food as it's difficult to get here, no Queen's speech, no Christmas Dr Who!

And for New Year's Eve we eat one grape for each bong of the midnight clock - more difficult than you think!

Christmas to us is about the cold, the snuggling, family, friends, food, walks in the woods with a torch, decorations, charity, drinks with the neighbours, charades, pictionary, crackkng open the Christmas tea on 1st Dec, carols on the CD player. Not much about the religious aspect- although we have a fabulous Knitivity my DMum made a few years ago

[notagiraffe]

Hattie, I think the pagan influences are just instinctive. Who doesn't want loads of candlelight in mid-winter, and sweet-scented pine trees in the house when most plants are dead for months? Whereas co-opting bits of Christianity is a bit more complicated. We always had a Barbie fairy on the top of the Christmas tree, never a star, when I was young.

[HattiesBackpack]

This thread is really interesting, I love hearing about other peoples celebrations and festivals, especially the food and feasting parts!

I am interested in why some people don't want aspects of Christianity in their celebration but will have aspects from other religions- for example there does seem to be a lot of influence from Pagan traditions, why is this ? Is it a conscious decision?

[NotCitrus]

Grown up atheist, with parents both rejecting different forms of Christianity. It was a time to celebrate light and warmth and humanity winning against the cold dark winter, a time to be thankful for what we have and to give to others, and time to indulge hobbies and read.

Now with my kids it's also about celebrating family and doing things together. Games, books and jigsaws still figure prominently, and inviting friends to stay. And eat, drink and be merry. Pre-kids it was a good week in a tipsy haze gaming with the ILs.

I love it, try to reduce the consumerism and do things instead, but it helps get me through winter.

[Lorelei76]

ah Glasto, one day I will spend Xmas in Oz....

[Glastokitty]

I'm an atheist, and look on Xmas as a family time, and enjoy how everyone stops to celebrate and enjoy themselves. We exchange gifts, put a tree up and eat lovely food. In a cold country it's a welcome relief in the middle of the dark days and cold weather. I live in Australia now and Xmas here is much more low key which I really like, lots of places shut down for a week or two which is fab as we get a two week holiday and its the middle of summer, so we spend the time with family and friends, having lots of bbqs and chilling out by the pool. Food here is different too, no one wants a roast dinner when it's 35 degrees, so we eat lots of seafood and pavlova. We have the turkey dinner in winter, lots of poms have Xmas in July and dress up in Xmas jumpers etc, which can be good fun. But to me Xmas isn't much to do with religion, it was a pagan festival first anyway.

[MindSweeper]

Don't do all the jesus stuff, we just see it as a time for father christmas and we do all the traditional stuff except the nativities.

I wake up, drink prosecco and unwrap presents.

[FixItUpChappie]

Meh, we are atheist and we are okay with the indulgent idea of just buying each other presents because it's fun. I think it's okay to not make up meaning beyond meaning that is authentic. IMO that is so much of what religion is about in the first place.

For us Christmas is a FUN way to brighten up the long dark winter and spend time with each other. I think that is sufficient unto itself.

[Bluecarrot]

We don't do the Christian side of things at all but we refer to Christmas as a kind of giving party. We don't do Santa in a big way either as the commercial side is just too much now and it's really in line with my values and wfat I want to teach my kids. By December I'll have 3 kids, and each will get a carrier bag sized stocking from Santa. Most of it will be nicer versions of stuff they would be getting anyway, with one more frivolous toy.
Throughout December we have always given to food banks, Salvation Army gift hampers etc and bought gifts for the giving tree and homeless folk on the street. ( we do it all year but not with as much focus ) These things are what my eldest recalls best, not the gifts.
We do decorate the house but it's winter themed ( so snowmen, snowflakes, LOTS of twinkly lights etc rather than Santa or Christmas story themed.

[LittleBeautyBelle]

This is my perspective...we're Catholic and we love Christmas, with the central focus on celebrating Christ's birth. I grew up in a Christian household. In my early twenties, I researched all religions and world views to see for myself what I believed and felt to be true from my own reason and experience. I think we all should question what we're told as a child, whatever viewpoint it is and I think most of us do. It is a natural part of growing up and becoming independent and making our own choices.

Christmas is a beautiful time for our family, it's important to my husband and me and our son, and our extended families and friends. I love the carols and choral and classical sacred music. It gives me goosebumps to hear Christmas hymns and to sing them in church. The choirs, revisiting the life of Saint Nicholas, the church services, reading the Christmas story in the Bible, celebrating the joy and excitement in the present and for the future of our lives connected to each other, our loved ones who have gone on before us, . We give presents to each other to symbolize and represent the gift Jesus gave us.

To answer your question, I think the other posters have great ideas about calling the tradition in your family the winter festival. The reason for the presents can simply be showing your love for one another, with small meaningful gifts, they don't have to be expensive, books or tickets to a concert or presents that center on the season of winter and the coming spring, the renewal of the earth each year. We attended a modern freeform dance concert one Christmas that was not in any way religious but it was a joyful, wonderful holiday experience. Enjoy it and make it your own family tradition.

[Lorelei76]

Another thing I find hard with the SAD is that for me, it's the time of year I most need to not be social and I'm introverted anyway.

Sadly I now work in an office that closes for Xmas too so I also have to waste holiday when I'm feeling shit and the weather's shit and most of my friends are ensconced with family. Might as well push paper round a desk and save that holiday for sunny months. I used to like being alone in the office on Xmas break, people acted like I was doing them a favour and I had hardly any work to do

Christmas feels very long too. I guess because people are blithering on about something that bores me and it's hard to nip out for a loaf without being accosted by crazy Xmas songs.

In January I tend to perk up, the days get longer, the snowdrops come out and it's time to plan my birthday a few weeks in advance

And the bars and restaurants start doing really cheap offers just as I get past my SAD. clever timing.

I went to Califirnia one year, returning Xmas eve. It was brilliant. I told everyone I wouldn't be around as I'd need two days to sleep off jet lag, though my sis did pop in and attempt conversation. But it was like uk Xmas hadn't happened and I enjoyed seeing the prep in a sunny part of the world. I even enjoyed the Xmas section of dept stores over there but that's because the Americans don't turn it into a frenzy. Wish I could afford to spend the whole of December in California or Florida.

[blinkowl]

And anyway, you shouldn't feel odd about re-appropriating the Christmas story; the Christians borrowed the Christmas story from pagans and other faiths in the first place.

Also the Romans likely put Christmas on the 25th as a political move to appease the followers of Mithras - who was born on the 25th - and encourage them to convert. And it was important to get the followers of Mithras onside as many Roman soldiers worshipped Mithras, so it was an astute move to get them onside.

So if the Christians can borrow liberally from the myths and stories of other faiths, we shouldn't feel bad about re-appropriating their celebrations either! That's what I reckon anyway.

[blinkowl]

We're atheist, and I was brought up atheist.

We celebrate Christmas as a time for family and friends to be together, a time for feasting, fun and lighting up dark winter days. What's not to like?!

Presents do feature heavily, but I like present giving! There's no competitiveness about it at ours though.

We celebrated Christmas as a child without the religious aspect (although we did sing traditional carols) and it never occurred to me there was anything odd about that.

[aaahhhBump]

My Dad and Grandad were atheists. My mum took us to church for a while but it didn't stick. We just do the usual presents, breakfast celebrate that the world didn't end and the sun came up Love the Hogfather

Have a friend who grew up in East Germany and they celebrated so a winter festival a lot of the songs had been changed to remove religious overtones

Ie O Christmas Tree. In the west they sing Faithfull but in the east they sing plentiful instead.

[OdinsLoveChild]

We celebrate Yule, it's brilliant because my DH can usually get that date off work unlike 25th December. Food, games, family and a few drinks. We have the tree, lights and loads of sparkly crap. I tell my children the story of St Nicholas and the Pagan Holly King and the Oak King. We make plans for the garden over the next year. We don't mention 'Christmas' or 'God/Jesus/Church' it's just not relevant to us.

[LozzaChops]

Atheist from a long line of atheists. We have a tree (he lives in the garden year-round and comes in for a fortnight or so every year) and I try to decorate as much as I can. I've worked in posh-end food retail for the last 8 years so Christmas is horrendous and I'm usually in a coma as soon as I get home on Xmas eve.

We never really had much of a Christmas when I was a kid, and I'm the only one that has festive inclinations - if it was up to me I would drown the place in stuff. Tend to adopt a Yule-based aesthetic, holly and ivy all over, although we do have a set of nativity tree decs that get hung on some twigs. Joseph has done a runner so Mabel the Angel Cow has stepped into the breach there. She and Mary manage just fine.

Presents are an absolute afterthought in my family. I think my mum got me toothpaste (...charming) and a book (that I had already read) from the charity shop last year.

I get horrible SAD too so try to grab onto it as a few days of silliness and no commute in the dark.

[ToFindAndWakeTheDreamer]

Christmas is an ever-evolving tradition, if that's not a contradiction in terms. It has Christian elements (The Nativity), Roman elements (the timing of Christmas day) Pagan elements (Christmas trees), Monarchy elements (The Queen's speech), modern media elements (Bond films on TV, the Xmas Cinema Blockbuster, Christmas specials, Christmas No 1 single), Victorian elements (gift giving), Dickensian elements (Scrooge), Germanic elements (Santa) etc etc. We have a diverse culture with a long history and many influences, Christmas reflects that perfectly.

Christmas is so diverse, I think it's best treated like pick-and-mix - enjoy the bits you enjoy, ignore the bits you don't. Ignore the pressure to enjoy ALL the things.

[ToffeeForEveryone]

Bah Humbug!!

There is a genuine reason to celebrate, which is that once a year everyone makes an effort to be nice to each other and has a naice turkey dinner :D

It's a midwinter festival. The reason for celebrating is to cheer everyone up. Have some sodding mulled wine and a chocolate orange and stop overthinking it

[Lorelei76]

OP I hear you, I find it all bonkers

I don't have kids but I do have god children - spaghetti monster children? - and a couple of friends who want to do gifts no matter what. I now do only small gifts of the sort I'd get them anyway, so you know if you're out and you see something and think, oh Jane will like that, I just buy it and save it for Xmas. Never more than a fiver, happy to spend on birthdays but with Xmas I feel I'm just fulfilling a crap societal convention.

I have tried having the conversation with my friends but they were honestly upset at the thought of not doing Xmas gifts and some if them are atheists too. Thing is I'm not a consumer either and I hate all the waste so that's why I just save something id have bought them anyway.

I don't do cards.

In my case it has got worse because now my sister, also an atheist, wants to do gifts, which is new for her. She's decided it's fun?! We stay with others at Xmas so helping with turkey etc is a given but I just think, oh well, it's food, of course I help prep it.

My other atheist friends go to some lessons and carols events run by atheists and talk about it being time to appreciate our family friends. Isn't that all the time?

I get really bad SAD so now I tend to see it as celebrating the worst of the winter being over because the shortest day has gone.

Finally, I hate how so many essential services reduce at Xmas and I don't see how in a country where so many people are not religious, we have our two biggest bank holidays set for religion.

End of rant.

[CodyKing]

I think shops stocking christmas stuff in September really drags christmas s down -


How much simpler to to start in December? Short list - a few cards and gift wrap?

Now it's must see Santa must go on a work party do secret Santa - visit all rellies- decorate the tree and add lots of trimming cook them perfect dinner -

Look at all these ingrained - must have X chocolate and Y drink? Xmas pudding sprouts ... List goes on

[FrancesHaHa]

I'm an atheist, brought up by atheists. My parents made it clear from a young age that Christmas was an ancient festival, many aspects of which were appropriated by Christians.

I see it as a cultural festival, a time for family to come together, for children to have some fun in the depths of winter.

It sounds as though its the consumerism of it all, as much as the religious aspect of Christmas which is concerning you. Would it be helpful to find ways to cut back on the present giving (eg children only, limited amount)? We tend to celebrate it in a fairly frugal way, not too many presents, no trips to Santa etc. doesn't mean we don't enjoy it, but I tend to do more things like making crafts with dd, spending time with friends. I realise this might change as she gets older though.