Come talk to me - ears pinned back - anyone being through this with their child?

[Sandy22]

My ds does have fairly large ears which do stick out - he is becoming more aware of this and is asking why his ears can't be like mine and go in rather than stick out. Has anyone had a child that have had their ears pinned back? I would be grateful to hear from you.

[dogonpoints]

My friend was very happy with her dds' looks. The 12 year old girl was not happy. And all ears are diffrent. You have no idea what hers looked like and how she felt about it. You are entrenched in your own subjective view.

[nigglewiggle]

Obviously I am not unbiased and I have no desire to see children unhappy. But I think as parents we have a responsibility to teach children that we cannot have everything that we want, just because we want it. I think this casual approach to serous surgery is setting a worrying example to a young person.

[Hollyoaks]

Niggle, my parents did not take a 'casual' approach to the surgery nor did my gp. To get the surgery on the NHS a persons mental well-being has to be at risk. My parents could have reassured me until they were blue in the face but it wouldn't have changed my pov and how much I hated myself. My parents would have chosen not to put me through the surgery if it was their decision but it was mine. They did what many parents would do and supported that decision.

It is not a vanity issue its a self-worth issue which needs to be addressed. You obviously have not been in my shoes or anyone elses who has felt the need to undergo a surgical procedure for this reason. I feel quite offended that you think this was a throw away decision for my family and that my parents thought that this was the easy option rather than teach me the values of appreciating the hand that was dealt.

[pofacedandproud]

Of course it was not vanity. I totally understand why you felt that way and made the decision you did. But there is a wider discussion to be had, that of helping self-worth through surgery, and whether that is the correct route to take.

[Hollyoaks]

To be honest that was aimed more at niggle than you. Self-worth issues can be treat in a number of ways including councelling (sp?) or even medication. If its already medicalised (sp) in that way why is surgery not acceptable. In many cases that's the issue over, when its the right decision for the individual.

[pofacedandproud]

Perhaps pre-surgery counselling might be a good idea? I don't know, just wondering. My dh was made miserable by the bullying at school about his ears, but children do bully for so many reasons, and he is now confident and well adjusted [sort of ] Perhaps it is worse for girls, the pressure for physical perfection is much greater. I knew a boy who didn't just have sticky out ears, he was really quite ugly. But he had no problems getting girls, as he was super confident [his mother idolized him] and was very, very funny.

[Hollyoaks]

You're right that its a confidence issue but for some people who haven't got that natural 'x-factor' type personality the bullies can really drag you down. Not sure what the answer is, its definitely a personal decision and no people can be treat the same.

[Sandy22]

Niggle: I don't have a casual approach to serious surgery at all which is why I posted the question in the first place! If in the long run my ds begins to be very unhappy and starts to lose the confidence that he has because of his ears then why on earth would I tell him just to get on with it and put up with the bullying and taunts when there is a possible solution to help him - duh!

[pofacedandproud]

i don't think it is about telling him to put up with it. It is about telling him how amazing and beautiful he is, and instilling inside him a sense of confidence about himself that cannot be riled by the bullies. I am not saying this always works, I am not saying you don't do it alredy, but it is different to shutting your child out and telling him to 'put up with it' -that would be awful.

[Elibean]

Sandy22, hi, am now re-connected having moved and friend's dd has had her op

I asked her Mum for low-down: she says it was day surgery, and apart from sickness from the anaesthetic her dd had no problems at all. She complained a bit about the bruise on her hand being sore (where the cannula went in for the anaesthetic) but didn't once complain of pain re her ears. They gave calpol and nurofen regularly for a couple of days, then stopped - and she's playing and happy and fine. Big bandage around her head, to be changed a week later and replaced by a light bandage - and she's off school for 1-2 weeks to avoid knocks.

dd is going to the movies with her today (5 days post-op), she has friends over etc, just being careful as playground play can be rough and its not worth the risk.

She was a breech baby, and one of her ears was actually twisted forwards - the other was just sticky out, but they did both while they were at it.

HTH, good luck with your decision - am sure its a tough call, no black/white about things like this IMO

[stressedbutluvem]

40 now but had mine done when I was 8 on the NHS. Was teased terribly at school. Parents arranged appointments etc but then I made the final decision. Sooooooooo glad I did never regretted it and having been an ENT nurse since it doesnt seem as involved as when i had it done. I have one other part of my body that I hate and was also teased about, still hate it now and so wished that I could have had surgery for that as well so for me personally anyway, it's not like this is a childhood thing that will go away in adulthood.