Come talk to me - ears pinned back - anyone being through this with their child?

[Sandy22]

My ds does have fairly large ears which do stick out - he is becoming more aware of this and is asking why his ears can't be like mine and go in rather than stick out. Has anyone had a child that have had their ears pinned back? I would be grateful to hear from you.

[paisleyleaf]

A friend of mine had his done early on at secondary school. It was the best thing ever for him. It really turned him around and gave him confidence, where he had been getting picked on about it before.

[castille]

LadyG - Honestly, I would leave it if she hasn't noticed or genuinely isn't bothered.

However you could discreetly ensure that she knows it is possible to have one's ears pinned back, without relating it to her, so that she is aware that people don't have to live with it if they aren't happy.

I wouldn't force a cosmetic operation on an unwilling child. Although DD wanted it done and is pleased with the result, she found it quite a traumatic experience.

[toddlerama]

Maize - would your DH get it done as an adult now if it still bothers him?

Has anyone had their ears pinned and never thought about it again, only to find their children have the same look? I ask this because I had braces for super-goofy teeth and once the braces were off, assumed that would be the end of it. But my daughter is my exact double and I wonder what her teeth will be like when she gets her big teeth. I feel sort of bad that mine are normal now in case she feels freaky. Is this normal or am I being ridiculous?

[pofacedandproud]

my dh had sticky out ears as a child and was bullied badly as a result. Since I have known him he has always had close cropped hair and as he has a lovely face it has never, ever bothered me, never even noticed. Ds has very slightly sticky out ears but a beautiful face. I think it is a shame to have severe surgery to avoid the whims of playground bullies, tbh.

[Hollyoaks]

But its a simple procedure that can change someone's life if its affecting them badly enough. I wouldn't advocate making anyone do it who wasn't bothered by it or even those who are strong enough to withstand the bullying but for some people it is the right choice.

[mollyroger]

but a general aneasthetic is not exactly 'simple' procedure, is it?

[Hollyoaks]

For me personally it was a 'small' risk to take to correct something that made me feel awful about myself. It may not have been a physical illness but it felt like a psychological one which needed to be treated. It's not a decision to be taken lightly but it can make dramatic improvements to someones life.

[pofacedandproud]

but was it your ears that made you feel awful about yourself or the way you felt perceived by other people? I do feel a lot of it is about the way you are helped to manage these things by your parents or even counselling. I mean the problem is not your ears, the problem is other people's perception of what is 'normal'.

[pofacedandproud]

i think when you start entertaining the idea of surgery under ga when you are not ill, you have to start thinking where you draw the line. I'm not criticising your decision Holly, I'm criticising a society that puts a sort of nonsensical physical perfection above anything else in human worth.

[NoahAmin]

i had my son under TWO gas for his eyes.

(ptosis)
he is so pleased we did. He comments occasionally on how he looked before. They are always saying how he likes the way he looks now.

[NoahAmin]

sorry the comments are always approving.

[Sandy22]

My ds mentioned his ears again today - I told him that you can go to the doctors and they can do something with his ears. When he asked what do I mean, I took him to the mirror and put his ears in a bit - he took one look at himself and said yes there are in but then it doesn't look like me anymore..... this made me smile and sort of warmed my heart.

[castille]

But Noah, you can't do ears at an age when they are too young to realise or remember much of what happens.

And ptosis can lead to more serious conditions, whereas sticking out ears are just aesthetically bothersome. So it has to be the child's choice. And in any case, no cosmetic surgeon would pin back the ears of an unwilling child.

[Hollyoaks]

In response to an earlier question, my decision to have the op was based upon my impression of myself as being in some way 'abnormal'. This was due to other peoples comments but it made me feel like I stood out, like that was all people were looking at. I agree that ga for something that is not essential for health may not be for everyone but the difference it has made to my life was worth the risk.

I'm not sure I would have had the confidence to go to uni or have boyfriends had I not had it done as my self-image was so low.

[dogonpoints]

I know what you;re saying, pofaced, but no one wants their child to go through supreme embarrassment and unhappiness for the sake of teaching society what's normal and what's not.

If you had a child you was 10+ and hated their ears, you;d know all about it and it is the child's feelings that make the decision all teh easier.

[dogonpoints]

And my friend - whose dd had her ears done in teh summer - is very anti g&a. She used to go wild-eyed at the the risks when my dd was having one gromet op after another. But she realised what this meant to her dd.

[pofacedandproud]

well no my point wasn't that a child should have to withstand bullying to teach society something, though I can see what you are saying. It was that working on a child's inner confidence may be as/more important than solving an external flaw. That and having a good teacher at school who can promote the right values of caring for each other at school and teaching what is really important and what isn't. I do understand though why you'd choose to have the op.

[dogonpoints]

That sounds ideal, po, but really wouldn't work in many situations

[nigglewiggle]

I've grown up with sticking out ears and to me it is "normal" it's a bit of a family trait, so I'm quite fond of them.

Yes I got teased about them, but if it wasn't my ears it would have been something else. Would you get your child a nose job if they had a 'big' nose, would you let them have liposuction if they struggled to lose weight?

I think that allowing vanity to drive us towards cosmetic surgery for our children is a step too far.

My family gave me the confidence to deal with the teasing and I have never even felt the slightest bit tempted to go under the surgeon's knife.

[dogonpoints]

Can't you see that that is just you, niggle, and that this is an extremely personal issue?

In fact, I feel pissed off that you are talking about 'vanity' in such a way

[pofacedandproud]

yes it is an ideal, but worth trying for! I do wonder where we draw the line. I hated the way I looked as a teenager, I was paralysed by it, but in my case it was confidence that was needed, not surgery.

[dogonpoints]

My friend did try for the ideal. Why do you think people don't try for the ideal and often find out it won't work for them?

[pofacedandproud]

I'm not attacking your friend's decision dogonpoints, I can see that pov, and respect it, just think there might be another way too.

[dogonpoints]

Of course there is another way, and a way which most parents try, I suspect. The op is experiencing the same problem - when a child is old enough to be self-conscious and influenced by others considered more important than parents and teachers.

[nigglewiggle]

Well I don't know what else to call it. Surely we are encouraging vanity by organising surgery for children because we they are not happy about how they look. I wonder how much more likely I would have been to pick my appearance apart if my parents had started with some 'minor alterations.'