Overweight 10 year old DS - any helpful tips or ways to deal with the issue?

[Astrophe]

My DS is 10. He has always been a fairly solid lad but over the past year or so he has really bulked up and has a bit of a spare tyre around his middle.

He is quite active - trains for football 3x per week and 2x football games per week, as well as generally being reasonably active at home (eg trampoline/ throwing the ball for the dog). We limit screen time to 20 mins per day mon- thurs.

It dawned on me the other day that if he is overweight even while being so active, he must be over eating massively.

He is not a fussy eater, and will eat veggies and fruit when served it, though he loves his carbs. We don't drink soft drinks or eat sweets regularly. His appetite is huge - he will eat more than DH at dinner time.

But despite what I feel are a reasonable diet and active lifestyle, he is overweight, and we've been advised that he needs to slim down a bit (by GP). He has also noticed himself that he is heavier than his friends, and told me today (quite out of the blue) that he isn't going to eat second helpings of anything until he has lost 10kg.

I suggested that he probably doesn't need to lose weight, but try to keep it roughly the same as he grows taller and 'grows into it'.

We have been limiting his second (third...fourth) helpings at dinner and have explained it in terms of not getting too heavy as its not healthy to carry a lot of extra weight around, not good for his heart etc. I'm just really wary of creating an issue for him and making him feel uncomfortable about his body, or making him obsess about weight.

I'm also aware that my other kids (especially 12 year old DD ...who is extremely thin) are listening and picking up what we say about weight and health.

I'd love some thoughts as to helpful ways to talk about health and weight loss. Also any suggestions for filling but not calorific after school snacks gratefully received (he likes to come home and eat toast, breakfast cereal, crackers and cheese).

Aussieproject - I cut up carrot sticks and cucumber and cheese slices as a pre dinner snack if I'm running late with dinner and they are whinging. I like the cold boiled egg idea. That could be a 9pm snack if he is still insisting he is hungry at bedtime (cos there's no way I'm going to start cooking again - even eggs on toast- at that hour!)

How much fruit and what type is he eating a day? He could be getting too much sugar that way as well.

He must be eating something somewhere. Everything you've said that he eats seems well below or at the right amount for his age.

I think you must be underestimating what he eats or overestimating the exercise.

You have said he eats more than your husband. And he's aged 10. So that's not right is it.
He is hungry because he has been consistently over-eating (3 helpings of dinner every day), so his stomach is used to being full. And he is used to getting access to food whenever he wants because as you say they get their own food after school.
I don't allow mine to get their own food after school because it'd be Nutella sandwiches and no fruit every day. I just don't think a kid can make a healthy choice if they are hungry and there are nicer options available to them.
Cheese slices are not a good pre dinner snack. There is 124 calories in a matchbox size piece of cheese.
If he is hungry during the day he can have a bowl of cereal but it has to be a wholewheat cereal like bran flakes, weetabix etc. Not a big bowl of sweetened cereal with full fat milk.
Mayonnaise is another hidden item full of calories. Biscuits of any kind are really just fat and sugar and should be really restricted. A biscuit with cream in the middle could be 80 calories. A large glass of milk and two cream-filled biscuits could be hitting 400 calories that'd be one fifth of a 10yr old's entire calories for the day.
The not eating breakfast is having a knock on effect during the day. His body has then been basically fasting for 12hrs or more overnight, then he gets up and starts being active and the body gets nothing to eat, so it will start looking for him to cram in carbs mid morning. It sounds like the balance is wrong - a bigger and healthier breakfast might help.
Also is he drinking a lot of milk? A pint of milk is around 250 calories. So a large muffin and a pint of milk could be the equivalent of an extra dinner. If he can drink the semi-skimmed milk that'd be better, he is still getting all the nutrients - extra even if it's fortified milk. So if he is a big milk drinker switch him to the semi-skimmed low fat (the cheaper brands can be very watery so its worth the extra few pence for a better brand of low fat fortified milk). We can fall into thinking that things like cheese and milk are 'healthy' so you can eat them whenever but they are high fat foods.
You could take about getting 'healthier' and having a 'healthy diet' and moving towards a healthier lifestyle, because you want to be fit and healthy to get the most out of life. And less talk about actual weight.
it's not easy I know, but if you keep a food diary (you keep the diary and don't let him know you are doing it) and count up the calories (you can get the calorie count of everything on the web now) you might see where the extra food is going.
Cutting back on some of the daily food will show results over time.
He is 10yrs old. It is your issue to manage, not his. You buy, cook and provide his food and he is not in a position to make healthy choices, because he doesn't have that knowledge or awareness but you have.

'talk about getting healthier' not 'take about'

What is he eating for dinner? My lot can eat a mountain of pasta or other carby stuff without feeling properly satisfied. A good helping of protein does the trick much better.

Have you thought of getting him a Fitbit ? My dd loves to wear mine (check you can turn the calories etc off the display) and just use it's a step counter.

Maybe it's something you could do as a family? See if you can all do 10,000 steps a day

OP, I wouldn't start the calorie counting thing for many many reasons. The first being that it doesn't work because a calorie is not a calorie, the second your son is 10, this is madness at any age and at 10? Your son feels different and told you he wants to lose weight and won't take seconds. This is so great, such a responsible behaviour. Praise him and tell him you are going to work and help him. You can empower him at the same time so instead of feeling shit when his friends re stuffing their faces (as boys do) he can feel good. Watch some more movies.

This one has three kids at the center of the story
Another BBC one in Ireland

An american one and the TED talk from Jamie Oliver www.ted.com/talks/jamie_oliver?language=en

Watch these with him, and you will understand that keeping giving him a slice of cheese vs a cereal bowl (even all bran) is absolutely the right thing to do . Try stronger cheeses instead a the plain square one. Parmesan, provolone piccante, asiago, old amsterdam , feta, roquefort, these last two in crumble. Make it about flavour

If you have the time, browse your library for Italian cooking books or look online. Skip the pasta and you will find tons of recipes for meat and fish which don't use creams and sauces but use sage or prosciutto. Even in the antipasti /side dishes section, you have nice idea about vegetables prepared with herbs. Such as Cut a zucchini in very thin long slices, sparkle with crystal salt and olive oil and put under the grill . Use spices rosemary, basil fresh, parsley or the ready mixed ones. I use the Aldi mixed herbs a lot. Add rockets to salads, use onions and garlic for the veg. Or even a rocket salad full stop.

About the snacks. Have in the fridge a bowl of cherry tomatoes, boiled green bean, orange slices, lemon slices. Blueberries washed and available. If my kids eat a bowl of blueberries, they don't ask for anything else.

What about teas? I buy herbal teas in bulk from herbs warehouse and my sons like to sip a cup of chamomile or even a fair Darjeeling in the afternoon. You can prepare your own ice tea, with tons of pieces of strawberries, peaches, melon even
frozen berries and some stevia.

I wouldn't force him to do more sports. The diet will make a difference. Having him move more than he is already doing will only make him more famish. What you can do is a big cleanup of your kitchen cupboard. You are doing the whole family including the lean children a favour because it is not about weight but health by removing jars and packets the include sugar.

We don't buy biscuits anymore, but I bake a lot. The difference is when they eat a piece of cake or a crepe, they are satisfied, whereas with cookies, they are engineered so you eat more and more and can hardly stop until the packet is gone.

He is a kid and it is not fun to start a restricted diet, so don't. Just put more colours and flavours and taste on the table. Have him cook with you. Go to the market with you. I don;t know in which country you are but in some countries, the markets are amazing.

I am French, DH is Italian. I have these strong ideas about healthy tasty food, but I guarantee you our house is very popular with both primary and high school kids and whatever I put on the table, they only leave crumbs.

Not wanting to sound defensive, but he isn't eating three helpings every night ! I forget that hyperbole isn't taken well on MN ;-)
He does eat a bigger dinner than DH and will occasionally have thirds if we let him...but not usually.
He eats too many carbs though, as I've acknowledged, and I also very willingly agree that this is largely my problem to solve, not his - hence my asking for some help here!
Having said that. It's his body, and at ten I think he needs to be encouraged to make his own healthy choices. Eg after school. He couldn't choose Nutella toast because we don't have it in the cupboard, but yep, I've said I need to be more aware of what they are eating after school (they are generally allowed something snacky - it may be cheese and crackers or a couple of biscuits or something home made), then it's fruit or toast. They stick to that, but DS is probably overreacting the toast.

He drinks low fat milk, but only a glass a day (200-250mls, so that's half a pint) .

Regarding the types of fruit he eats - it's pretty varied. He will eat an apple after school, or a banana, or cherry tomatoes, or an orange, or a cucumber or carrot...he isn't very fussy. He wouldn't be having more than 2-3 serves of fruit a day though , I do t think fruit is the problem.

The issue I think is cutting carbs at dinner and bulking up on veg instead. Perhaps over time that will mean his appetite is bigger in the morning, but for now it is what it is- I'm not going to try to force feed him a bigger breakfast.

Other issue is cutting carbs in the afternoons. He's had a boiled egg ( as suggested - thanks!) the last two afternoons, which has been good and must be more sustaining than lots of toast anyway.

Good snack ideas thanks Aussie ;)

I bake a lot too. Normally, but I've had terrible pregnancy nausea since Feb and I've let that slide, so they are eating more processed food than they normally would. That's probably part of it too. Im feeling a bit better now but have gradually worsening sciatica to replace the nausea, so in tea.ity I won't be back to baking healthy snacks for ages, and any changes I make need to be easy and sustainable.

He really is a good eater - his favourite dinner is roast veggie salad - roast mixed veg with haloumi, parsley and red wine vinegar. He a rally does eat his veggies and fruit, I'm not deluded as some may think! He just eats too much and is never full!

I think you are in denial! All of your posts make it sound as though he eats super healthily and not much of it.

But that cannot be the case if he is so overweight?!

Oh, he does like tea, Aussie! Will drink herbal but prefers a nice strong cuppa with milk ( like me ;-)

You're right, the idea of a restricted diet for a child is a bit grim really. I'm not using the 'd' word at all, just wanting to make some changes for him (and he family) slowly, in the name of better health all 'round. I don't want to give him a complex around weight or food, but equally, I don't want to set him up with bad eating habits for his life.

Any more snack or easy veg ideas? Ideally things he can make himself? ( he is an ok cook- can cook spaghetti bolognese sauce with minimal supervision, cooks scrambled or fried eggs himself...so he should be able to master some simple veg based snacks too)

Cut out the toast and limit bread to a maximum 2 slices a day and you'll notice a difference.

Yes to more water and veg/salad at meals.

just lots of salad and veg
not as much fruit, absolutely no fruit juice or squash even the sugar free kind
limit bread to breakfast toast only.

If he is starving when he gets in give him his supper and give him a poached egg before bed or a protein yogurt

its good that he cooks but perhaps you need to supervise more? If my dd makes scrambled eggs she puts about half a pack of butter in

Ha! He massively over eats! Clearly much more than I'd realised, for him to have put on weight whilst still being pretty active! I think I've said that a few times now.

He doesn't eat super healthy ( as I've said- too many carbs in general, too much toast, too much pasta with his meals, too many second helpings of dinner), but equally we don't have a diet loaded with lots of processed food. I mostly cook dinners from scratch (though while I've been ill, fish fingers have made a more fish fingers or a pre prepared pie have made a more regular appearance). He eats one processed food item at school if there is nothing home baked available (pretzels, muesli bar, crackers, tiny teddies), and a sandwich and fruit. There are no school dinners, no puddings at lunch time, and no puddings at home either (fruit and yoghurt is usually an option if thy want it).

I'm not in denial...what have I got to gain? I started the thread to get some advice!

I know you did but its impossible to see from your posts where the problem is. He seems to eat a smallish breakfast, a tiny lunch and no unhealthy snacks? And a lot of sport? He must be eating around 2,000 calories at dinner time to be overweight.

I know he's 10 but you are still the parent so don't you control the food at dinnertime? I don't really make enough for seconds when I am cooking (as I am very budget conscious), I don't let the kids have free reign when helping themselves (as the food as to be shared between 6 people), so it is impossible for them to have huge amounts of pasta etc

How much you weigh is governed to a very large degree by how much goes into your mouth. Being active is great and will keep you fit, your heart strong, your body supple, etc, but regardless of how much exercise you do if you overeat you will be overweight. Its simple maths - calories in need to equal calories out to maintain weight - and if this balance is off then you will either lose or gain.

You know your DS is overeating. He's 10 and he's eating more than your DH. That's not right. I would google what an appropriate calorie intake is for a DC his age and look at the size of portion that is recommended. We've all lost touch with what a healthy portion of food looks like, both at home and in restaurants. That's why so many of us are overweight.

Your DS sounds like he eats quite healthily (well done - this is an achievement worth celebrating!), but he's simply eating too much. Portion control is your friend, as is getting him on side with knowing how much is the right amount and finding low calorie foods for him to fill up on if he's really hungry. It sounds like he's just got used to eating more than he needs so you will need to reduce his intake gradually if you want this to work - otherwise he's just going to be feeling hungry and filling up on stuff he shouldn't.

If my 10 year old ate:

one piece of toast and some cut up apple for breakfast
a muesli bar, a sandwich and a piece of fruit for lunch
no puddings at school or at home
drank one smallish glass of low fat milk
had carrot sticks after school

she'd be as thin as a rake and probably totally unable to do the amount of sport that she does

that's why I'm confuddled

To put the portion thing in perspective, my DH and my youngest DS (almost 10) are both very active: cycling, running, sport every day. I would say DS eats as much dinner as me (small, not particularly active woman) but a half, or even a third of what DH eats for dinner.

The rest of his diet sounds pretty similar to your DS, he is tall and muscley but slim.

Most people just need three meals a day and otherwise a snack once or twice a day (even if sporty).

If he likes healthy food so much the better.

Could it be that if you look at it critically he is getting pretty much four meals a day plus a snack on school days/sports days? (not to mention seconds)

My DC has recently started asking for a snack after school and it is hard to keep it to a snack as they will see a snack portion and think there is room for more! On one or two occasion where their appetite after school has been large therefore they have had their meal then and joined us for a yogurt/fruit pudding but not the main course when we ate an hour or so later. We sometimes eat together at 5.30pm and it is admittedly easier to keep on track this way.

I have to remember being told myself when young and getting hungry before meal time 'no you'll spoil your dinner' for a good hour before a main meal . When I was young there were not the snack foods in the cupboards there are these days most things except fruit or raw veg needed preparing so we would have that or just distract ourselves really (or whinge when is tea ready repeatedly ).

One idea, it takes 20 minutes for the brain to register fullness and the mind needs to see the food on a plate to register the volume sometimes. So for main meals sit at the table prior to food being served. Have a small starter or have raw veg and salad available to snack on for 10 mins before the food proper comes out, then eat the meal.

And yes don't have the volume of seconds readily / visibly available (I'm working on this for myself )

I think it's lovely that you have a thoughtful approach to it. (My dad sent me to weight watchers and I suspect this was the opposite of the best thing to do)

Does he have access to money and shops himself? Around that age I was gaining weight despite a healthy diet at home but it's because I had pocket money and freedom so was secretly bingeing on chocolate and pick n mix

No Avebury, he has no access to shops (thankfully!)

Thanks waterworld :) I'm doing my best and appreciate the encouragement.

Wearrynbleary- you are picking and choosing things I've posted and not seeing the whole picture- I'm not sure why?

"If my 10 year old ate:

one piece of toast and some cut up apple for breakfast
a muesli bar, a sandwich and a piece of fruit for lunch
no puddings at school or at home
drank one smallish glass of low fat milk
had carrot sticks after school (plus several pieces of toast ...and sometimes something snacky eg homemade muffin)
plus a huge dinner, including lots of carbs (too many, as I'm realising)...as I've said)

she'd be as thin as a rake and probably totally unable to do the amount of sport that she does"

Feels a bit like you're deliberately trying to make me look like either a fool or a liar. I not sure why.

Anyway, there's been lots of thoughtful advice here which I've much appreciated. I feel like talking it through has helped me see more clearly where the problems are, and I've got some ideas as to how to make changes to help DS - more water, more veg, put leftovers away quickly, some good idea for proteiny after school snacks...so thanks all for your comments :)

Waterworld- yes I agree it's hard to keep the snack as a snack because my kids are all really hungry after school. Also we tend to eat late due to after school schedule, so they do know it will be hours til they eat their dinner.

Good thought with putting out veg or a salad before the main meal...I used to do that when they were toddlers but not so much recently. We do always make him sit and wait If he claims he wants seconds, for the reason you said- the body taking a while to recognise fullness. But this week he hasn't asked for seconds :)