Overweight 10 year old DS - any helpful tips or ways to deal with the issue?

[Astrophe]

My DS is 10. He has always been a fairly solid lad but over the past year or so he has really bulked up and has a bit of a spare tyre around his middle.

He is quite active - trains for football 3x per week and 2x football games per week, as well as generally being reasonably active at home (eg trampoline/ throwing the ball for the dog). We limit screen time to 20 mins per day mon- thurs.

It dawned on me the other day that if he is overweight even while being so active, he must be over eating massively.

He is not a fussy eater, and will eat veggies and fruit when served it, though he loves his carbs. We don't drink soft drinks or eat sweets regularly. His appetite is huge - he will eat more than DH at dinner time.

But despite what I feel are a reasonable diet and active lifestyle, he is overweight, and we've been advised that he needs to slim down a bit (by GP). He has also noticed himself that he is heavier than his friends, and told me today (quite out of the blue) that he isn't going to eat second helpings of anything until he has lost 10kg.

I suggested that he probably doesn't need to lose weight, but try to keep it roughly the same as he grows taller and 'grows into it'.

We have been limiting his second (third...fourth) helpings at dinner and have explained it in terms of not getting too heavy as its not healthy to carry a lot of extra weight around, not good for his heart etc. I'm just really wary of creating an issue for him and making him feel uncomfortable about his body, or making him obsess about weight.

I'm also aware that my other kids (especially 12 year old DD ...who is extremely thin) are listening and picking up what we say about weight and health.

I'd love some thoughts as to helpful ways to talk about health and weight loss. Also any suggestions for filling but not calorific after school snacks gratefully received (he likes to come home and eat toast, breakfast cereal, crackers and cheese).

[Astrophe]

Auto correct! He will grow, not Greco!

[Astrophe]

Thanks, just popped back after a week or so and saw the additional suggestions.
Yep, certainly not doing any calorie counting or harsh bans on things here.

He is being so good about not having seconds, or just having seconds of veg but not the carbs. He is really driving himself, I'm very proud of him. He is still really hungry in the afternoons bit I've been paying more attention to what he eats and setting limits on carbs eg toast, so he can have a toast and peanut butter, but then it's yoghurt, fruit, veg and hommous etc, not more toast.

I agree that a bigger breakfast would be good but he just isn't hungry. Also lunch- if I send more food it just comes back he as he is "too busy playing soccer".

Making great progress the, I think. Already I think he looks slightly slimmer around he tummy, but I haven't and won't say anything. He will slim down over (Southern Hemisphere) winter as is soccer season so he is much more active than during summer, and he will Greco, and if he stays on top of the seconds and the carb loading on the arvos, plus keeps drinking more water and making good snack choices, I think he will be great within a year :)

[eurochick]

I think he must be really hungry by the time he gets home from school, leading him to overeat from then on. The breakfast and lunch sound very light for a growing, active boy. He is then filling up on after school carby snacks and a big dinner. Can you up breakfast and lunch and try to get more protein into him early in the day?

[Mominatrix]

I have skimmed the thread because there are so many alarming posts treating this growing boy who is on the cusp of adolescence, as an adult and applying adult badnutrition advice to him.

Yes, this boy is overweight, but calorie counting, restrictive diets, and taking choice away from him will only backfire. The diet changes which need to be offered this boy should be ones which empower him so that he will not, when given more freedom, make poor choices.

I think that the OP has the right idea in going for a weight holding pattern so he grows into his current weight (which his will as he is 10), and not striving to have him lost weight. Yes to not giving seconds and limiting snacks,but also strive to teach about nutrition. Teach him that hunger is not a bad thing, and that it is quite a stupid sensation. If it were really intelligent, obese people would never feel hungry. Also teach him about the delay in messaging from the stomach to the brain about feeling full. As a result, it is bad idea to eat until full - better is the Japanese philosophy of eating until 80%full, thus the importance of eating slowly.

Teach him about how bad processed food is and why, and promote a culture of food appreciation. Perhaps have him help cook so he learns about food - what it should start out as, what fresh tastes like. This is great for baking - home baked tastes so much better than shop bought and is not filled with junk. as he likes bread - perhaps bake bread with him?

Whilst not buying thing like crips and sweets, I'd not make any ban on them. They should be treated as something which is OK to have very occasionally.

Definitely try to have a more nutritionally dense breakfast - smoothie with peanut butter, banana, milk, etc. I would actually not have any snacks except for those days where he will be doing a sport after school. My son swims 2 hours everyday after school, and he is fine with a snack of a small carton of milk or an oat bar and water.

[ICJump]

I'm overweight. I find cutting down on portion sizes really hard work. But I am getting better. So I have real empathy for your ten year old.
The things that are really helping are;
Putting my knife and folk down between each bite- with a ten year old could you try a slowest eater race? Who ever finishes last is the winner
Protein and veg as a snack - so cubed cheddar with veggie sticks or thick cut sliced turkey/roast beef/ with cucumber- a small portion of Greek Yoghurt (150gs) with a small handful of berries ( 50g) . I find the protein so important in helping me stay full
Soup- I often have a cuppa soup (look for high protein ones) around 4:30 and find this really helps me.

[Astrophe]

Thanks for those Aussie :) I'm in Australia too...no clams for us!
Our spag bol is a relatively small amount of meat and lots of veg (carrots, zucchini, capsicum, mushrooms), not the heavy meat only sauce that's often served here. Still, I never ate anything like in in Italy!
I'm just about to order the Hugh FW Veg cookbook for us - want to get some inspiration to eat more veg and ever carb and mat based meals, which will be good for us all.

Happy to report that DS has been really good with smaller portions and not having seconds, all off his own bat really. Last night he said "I do want seconds but I think I've had enough" and he is doing that a lot. I told him to drink some more water, and that if he was still hungry before bed he could have a boiled egg or an apple (he didn't ask for it though). I think I'm seeing how much of his eating is habit, and just wanting to eat more base he likes his food (I sympathise!).

I still need to do better with afternoon snack . - it's just such a busy street time in our household when 4 (often grumpy, tired, hungry) kids get home and all want to unload about their day and bicker with one another, and I'm thinking of dinner and feeling frazzled and with a sore back and getting people ready for the evening activities. I need to put some more that into encouraging healthier options, but am finding it tough. Anyway, one step at a time :) we are doing better.

[TheAussieProject]

I think if it is quite normal for pre-teen boys to have this surge of massive appetite.
We have quite an open house, so I have had a good share of them staying for lunch or dinner. Even some of the stick thin ones eat like horses. Way more than my very tall husband.

Astrophe you could maybe go to one of these farmers' market with your DS and select together some olives, real cheese, .... I think strong favours are very satisfying with just 3 or 4 bites.Think about a 'parmiggiano reggiano' vs one of these square fake sliced cheese. The yellow plastic one, it is quite easy to eat a whole 200g packet, because it doesn't really have a taste, it is just cheesy, where as a parmiggiano you can't eat 200 gr of it in one go, no matter how hungry you are. Roquefort is even stronger.
And the lovely fat colourful and spicy olives, just put 5 on a small plate.

What about trying completely new dishes. Here are two examples, both tried with Australian kids and successful.

(1) Your DS loves cooking, so ask him to help you. You can substitute the evening carb with spices. Instead of spaghetti bol have the saltimbocca alla romana. You need sage leaves, italian prosciutto, veal schnitzel (the thinner the better), a glass of white wine and butter. You can see the steps here ricette.giallozafferano.it/Saltimbocca-alla-Romana.html just look at the pictures and ignore the italian text or watch the video.
This is one of my express dishes for starving children, in 15 min it is on the table. A nice baby spinach leaves salad right from a packet makes the perfect side dish especially when you add it to the same plate with lots of sauce left from the veal.

(2) Clams are nice and yummy, so expensive here but maybe where you are they aren't. Wash the shells, put them in a colander, heat a pan until it is very very hot, put butter and 20 seconds later the clams, lid on, shake a couple of times, when they open they are good to serve. You can also cook them with oil, and then add garlic, parsley, and white wine at the end.
You can also serve them with pasta. Spaghetti with clams is a true Italian classic ricette.giallozafferano.it/Spaghetti-alle-vongole.html (Spaghetti Bolognese is a foreign invention, you don't eat spaghetti with Bolognese in Italy).

I realise my post is more about recipes than health, but what I am trying to say is that when you have a dish rich in flavours and tasty you don't really overeat because it is so good you are satisfied with one portion.

[paxillin]

We eat at 7. Apple after school for a snack. It's good to be properly hungry before a meal. Snacks bigger than that are for babies, mine workers and endurance athletes. Agree with pps about no seconds. Empty the pots completely when dishing up, freeze dh's lunches there and then. Someone claiming hunger after a good sized meal has unlearned what hungry feels like. Not so stuffed that no more will go in is not "hungry".

[Astrophe]

Thanks again AussieProject, lovely ideas.

[lljkk]

Eat long and slow... there's something about the mind needs 20 minutes to catch up with how many calories the body just ate. So eat smaller bites & take more time over them (seriously). This is something he can do for himself as a lifelong habit.

It's great that he wants to lose a few lbs & you don't have to have an awkward conversation about it.

[Treetopchallenger]

If they are that hungry after school id either increase the size of lunch by giving rice salad or similar or have a meal when they get in from school and a small snack in the evening if they need it.

Several pieces of toast can have more calories in than a main meal. He could also be eating as he's ravenous at 7:30. My child is getting into bed at that time!

[TheAussieProject]

Astrophe bodies comes in many shapes and body wise, life is extremely unfair.

I have two sons, they eat exactly the same thing, DS2 is extremely muscly , DS1 is soft. DS2 excels at sports because he has this body, not that he has this body because of the sport, DS1 does boxing, running, surfing and still is soft (if he reads this he will kill me). DS1 does tons of abs and you cannot see them, DS2 had a huge 6 packs since he was 3. DS1 is 12, and I can see some of the softness slowly turning into muscles with the puberty kicking in, but it had nothing to do with diet or sport.

I repeat they eat exactly the same thing, or if I really wanted to be fair, I would say DS2 likes to eat my baking chocolate. I only buy full fat milk, DS2 has almost a liter per day.

Eating breakfast or not eating breakfast is one of the many myths. Eating early, eating late is another. We eat between 7.30 - 8, and before moving here in Australia, we were living in Barcelona and dinner was around 8.30 - 9 .

Having said that, here are some other snack ideas.

(( But can I just say one last word about the snacks? I am French, DH is Italian and we have lived in many countries, but never have I seen people eating all the time, while walking, driving, playing, at the pool, beach, library.... . And if it is not eating it is drinking liquid breakfast, smoothies, milkshakes, flavored sweet milk, ....

In my house, you only eat at the dinning table or in the kitchen. Not in the rooms, lounges, definitely not in my car, walking, shops, ...... This snacking thing is non-sense to me. The kids have a snack after school, but it will never come out of a wrapping paper. Arrive home, wash hands, sit down, eat , wash hands again and start homework or get changed for the activity. ))

So, try to limit the snack to one per day, mid afternoon. I understand, it is an habit you get, such as my habit of sipping coffee while MNetting .On weekends, my kids have breakfast and then nothing till lunch. At school DS1 has nothing for what is called here morning tea, DS2 has an apple. After school snack is usually fruit (berries, strawberries, banana, mango, watermelon, pear, grapes....) sometimes put on a skewer, sometimes just cut. From time to time, if I go to the French bakery they will have a petit pain au chocolat. If they have a playdate, there will be crepes, cake or focaccia.

Then, nothing. Just water after sport . Even if they were to open cupboard and fridge, they would´t find much to eat as it is. Plenty of cheese, tomatoes in all shapes and sizes, salmon, and whatever cooked veg there is . Cold cauliflower, green beans, spinach...

I have cut all processed meats since the WHO announcement about the cancerogenicity level, so I only have some Italian Prosciutto I use from time to time in recipes, but I used to have turkey breast slices and my kids just loved a slice with mustard, salad and rolled such as a sushi roll.
What about having some cold roast chicken.

Change the bread you are using. I buy a ciabatta kind, you can´t really gorge on that one. And I keep it frozen. We don´t put bread at the dinning table any more. When we first arrived here, I used to buy this toast bread, and my kid would just go wild and could easily eat 4 slices each.

The only cereals I have are weetabix. Not something very tasty out of a box.

Every evening we have a couple of salads. Their favorite right now, is 8 sliced tomatoes, half a big brown onion or a whole small one sliced, 12 - 15 basil leaves, crystal salt, plenty of pepper , olive oil. Leave 5 minutes for the tomatoes to juice, add some chopped parsley, hand the salad bowl and watch them devour it. Sometimes, to this I add 3 tins of high quality tuna and that´s their lunch .

Very finely cut fennel and slices of cucumber with two table spoons of parsley is another favorite here. Or finely cut celery with the juice of a fat orange, salt, pepper, olive oil , sometimes I add cooked prawns and pieces of pineapple to this one.

Green beans are a very nice snack. Sometimes they dip them oil and salt, or mustard vinaigrette or even some home made caesar sauce. They quite love spinach salad too. Cook them, drain it very well with a fork in a mesh strainer, put in fridge, when cold, sparkle salt and pepper, oil, mix, they love it.

I also buy these spices from Germany www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dgrocery&field-keywords=Knorr%20Salat%20Kronung&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 for when I don´t have basil, parsley (I buy the curly one and the very same day I buy it, I chop it and put in the freezer. When I need it, I just use a pointed knife to "stab" the pot, and use the amount I want and back in the freezer.)

They quite like the taste of radicchio and I do red radicchio nests . Carefully remove the radicchio leaves one at the time without breaking them. Cut small dices of fennel, cucumber, celery and tomatoes, mix them with spices, salt , pepper, olive oil and fill each slice of radicchio. I very often serve them with cold boiled cod (the frozen kind from the supermarket) or mix the cod straight away with the veg.

Enough, You must have fallen asleep by now bored to death.
The point is there is no trick and the big food company have invested millions to have our kids hooked on crappy snack and processed meals. It takes a lot of work and energy to break this. And you are now pregnant. When DS2 was born with the most horrendous reflux and the only thing he did was crying , vomiting, chocking, DS1 had several bread+nutella dinner. Oh gosh I just realized, his softness is my fault I guess!!!!

No need of drastic measures or revolution OP. One small change per week. And make them for the whole family, skinny not skinny. In the long run it is about health not weight.

[Astrophe]

We eat at 6/6:30 two nights a week and at 7/7:30 the other 3 nights. Would like to eat at 6 every night but not possible for us. So a decent snack really is necessary.

[Astrophe]

Waterworld- yes I agree it's hard to keep the snack as a snack because my kids are all really hungry after school. Also we tend to eat late due to after school schedule, so they do know it will be hours til they eat their dinner.

Good thought with putting out veg or a salad before the main meal...I used to do that when they were toddlers but not so much recently. We do always make him sit and wait If he claims he wants seconds, for the reason you said- the body taking a while to recognise fullness. But this week he hasn't asked for seconds :)

[Astrophe]

No Avebury, he has no access to shops (thankfully!)

Thanks waterworld :) I'm doing my best and appreciate the encouragement.

Wearrynbleary- you are picking and choosing things I've posted and not seeing the whole picture- I'm not sure why?

"If my 10 year old ate:

one piece of toast and some cut up apple for breakfast
a muesli bar, a sandwich and a piece of fruit for lunch
no puddings at school or at home
drank one smallish glass of low fat milk
had carrot sticks after school (plus several pieces of toast ...and sometimes something snacky eg homemade muffin)
plus a huge dinner, including lots of carbs (too many, as I'm realising)...as I've said)

she'd be as thin as a rake and probably totally unable to do the amount of sport that she does"


Feels a bit like you're deliberately trying to make me look like either a fool or a liar. I not sure why.

Anyway, there's been lots of thoughtful advice here which I've much appreciated. I feel like talking it through has helped me see more clearly where the problems are, and I've got some ideas as to how to make changes to help DS - more water, more veg, put leftovers away quickly, some good idea for proteiny after school snacks...so thanks all for your comments :)

[Avebury]

Does he have access to money and shops himself? Around that age I was gaining weight despite a healthy diet at home but it's because I had pocket money and freedom so was secretly bingeing on chocolate and pick n mix

[WaterWorld]

I think it's lovely that you have a thoughtful approach to it. (My dad sent me to weight watchers and I suspect this was the opposite of the best thing to do)

[WaterWorld]

Most people just need three meals a day and otherwise a snack once or twice a day (even if sporty).

If he likes healthy food so much the better.

Could it be that if you look at it critically he is getting pretty much four meals a day plus a snack on school days/sports days? (not to mention seconds)

My DC has recently started asking for a snack after school and it is hard to keep it to a snack as they will see a snack portion and think there is room for more! On one or two occasion where their appetite after school has been large therefore they have had their meal then and joined us for a yogurt/fruit pudding but not the main course when we ate an hour or so later. We sometimes eat together at 5.30pm and it is admittedly easier to keep on track this way.

I have to remember being told myself when young and getting hungry before meal time 'no you'll spoil your dinner' for a good hour before a main meal . When I was young there were not the snack foods in the cupboards there are these days most things except fruit or raw veg needed preparing so we would have that or just distract ourselves really (or whinge when is tea ready repeatedly ).

One idea, it takes 20 minutes for the brain to register fullness and the mind needs to see the food on a plate to register the volume sometimes. So for main meals sit at the table prior to food being served. Have a small starter or have raw veg and salad available to snack on for 10 mins before the food proper comes out, then eat the meal.

And yes don't have the volume of seconds readily / visibly available (I'm working on this for myself )

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

To put the portion thing in perspective, my DH and my youngest DS (almost 10) are both very active: cycling, running, sport every day. I would say DS eats as much dinner as me (small, not particularly active woman) but a half, or even a third of what DH eats for dinner.

The rest of his diet sounds pretty similar to your DS, he is tall and muscley but slim.

[blearynweary]

If my 10 year old ate:

one piece of toast and some cut up apple for breakfast
a muesli bar, a sandwich and a piece of fruit for lunch
no puddings at school or at home
drank one smallish glass of low fat milk
had carrot sticks after school


she'd be as thin as a rake and probably totally unable to do the amount of sport that she does

that's why I'm confuddled

[juneau]

How much you weigh is governed to a very large degree by how much goes into your mouth. Being active is great and will keep you fit, your heart strong, your body supple, etc, but regardless of how much exercise you do if you overeat you will be overweight. Its simple maths - calories in need to equal calories out to maintain weight - and if this balance is off then you will either lose or gain.

You know your DS is overeating. He's 10 and he's eating more than your DH. That's not right. I would google what an appropriate calorie intake is for a DC his age and look at the size of portion that is recommended. We've all lost touch with what a healthy portion of food looks like, both at home and in restaurants. That's why so many of us are overweight.

Your DS sounds like he eats quite healthily (well done - this is an achievement worth celebrating!), but he's simply eating too much. Portion control is your friend, as is getting him on side with knowing how much is the right amount and finding low calorie foods for him to fill up on if he's really hungry. It sounds like he's just got used to eating more than he needs so you will need to reduce his intake gradually if you want this to work - otherwise he's just going to be feeling hungry and filling up on stuff he shouldn't.

[blearynweary]

I know you did but its impossible to see from your posts where the problem is. He seems to eat a smallish breakfast, a tiny lunch and no unhealthy snacks? And a lot of sport? He must be eating around 2,000 calories at dinner time to be overweight.

I know he's 10 but you are still the parent so don't you control the food at dinnertime? I don't really make enough for seconds when I am cooking (as I am very budget conscious), I don't let the kids have free reign when helping themselves (as the food as to be shared between 6 people), so it is impossible for them to have huge amounts of pasta etc

[Astrophe]

Ha! He massively over eats! Clearly much more than I'd realised, for him to have put on weight whilst still being pretty active! I think I've said that a few times now.

He doesn't eat super healthy ( as I've said- too many carbs in general, too much toast, too much pasta with his meals, too many second helpings of dinner), but equally we don't have a diet loaded with lots of processed food. I mostly cook dinners from scratch (though while I've been ill, fish fingers have made a more fish fingers or a pre prepared pie have made a more regular appearance). He eats one processed food item at school if there is nothing home baked available (pretzels, muesli bar, crackers, tiny teddies), and a sandwich and fruit. There are no school dinners, no puddings at lunch time, and no puddings at home either (fruit and yoghurt is usually an option if thy want it).

I'm not in denial...what have I got to gain? I started the thread to get some advice!

[blearynweary]

its good that he cooks but perhaps you need to supervise more? If my dd makes scrambled eggs she puts about half a pack of butter in

[blearynweary]

just lots of salad and veg
not as much fruit, absolutely no fruit juice or squash even the sugar free kind
limit bread to breakfast toast only.

If he is starving when he gets in give him his supper and give him a poached egg before bed or a protein yogurt