3rd degree tear

[SullyWifey]

Hi ladies,

2 weeks 2 days since ventouse delivery involving episiotomy and 3b degree tear. 3 hours in theatre putting me back together!

I am still in a lot of discomfort and now the main pain has moved to my bottom and haven't managed to poop for few days. Which is worrying. Don't know if I have over done it and done something?!

Anyone care to share their experience as to healing process or when things will get better?

[Chocolatelover45]

Agree gps are rubbish. I wish it was possible to have the opportunity to see a midwife for a few more weeks after the birth. They are so much better than gps for this stuff.

[DragonOnFire]

@sulleyWifey I am so sorry to hear how your wound has progressed, this sounds really traumatic for you.
Please block out comments or assumptions that you should be "getting on" again, you need rest and time. There should be no pressure to bounce back no matter what happened in your delivery, but you really need to block out any expectations as you need to give yourself time to recover again.
Get a cleaner if you need/can and shopping delivered, get your DH and other family/friends to keep looking after you as though it is still the day you gave birth.
I'm so shocked and saddened that your GP didn't pick up on your wound healing. It makes me really angry for you.
I don't think society gives women enough credit for the trauma of childbirth and we can be made to feel like we should just ignore pain and discomfort as though it is expected. The lack of aftercare in my experience of a relatively simple episiotomy surprised me, I was also expecting to bounce back and 10 days later I realised I couldn't walk round a short trip to the supermarket. Luckily my GPs were closed that day so I went back to my Maternal assessment centre who prescribed me antibiotics that luckily cleared it up. (I say lucky my GP was closed because I got to attend a specialised maternity unit, why do they discharge mothers to GP's care so quickly after a trauma like childbirth, surely it needs a specialist who sees new mothers regularly, particularly in your GP's case who perhaps needs an anatomy refresher?) Once my antibiotics were prescribed there was no follow up and my 6-week check was all about my DS. I feel like nobody cared to check I had healed OK and it was on me to know if I felt something was wrong. It is difficult to know what to expect in terms of pain and discomfort when you are a FTM.

I'm so sorry to hear about the suffering you've been through and hope the surgery will be the start of the final road to repair. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and cups of tea; take care of yourself.
When you're feeling better and are ready, it might be worth a discussion with your PALS to see if there could be any learnings from from your treatment.

[AnxiousFTM]

@SullyWifey So sorry to hear your experience, that really sounds horrific! Was the Dr checking you over every time you went in for more antibiotics?

I’m much better than I was, still not right but it’s bareable and I wonder if I have a prolapse now After lots of chasing I’ve finally received my hospital follow up, not sure if I will then be referred for physio, but no one has checked me since I was worried about infection at 2 weeks pp.

Really do rest up, I know its hard with a baby to look after but in the long run it’ll be worth it to feel normal again xx

[SullyWifey]

Hi ladies, I haven't been on here for a while but just seen all your comments which I wish I had ready few weeks ago!

@Buddytheelf85 thanks so much for checking in.

Unfortunately my story is still on going. I went to gp at 6 weeks because I felt something wasn't right, still being so uncomfortable and unable to walk longer than 20mins or so, dr had a look and said "that looks angry, let's give you some antibiotics" they did swabs and infection was confirmed . The following 3 weeks I went back each week for a new course because it wasn't having any effect.

At my 9 week physio check up which was the appointment automatically made for me when I had my baby, I cried and cried when she was asking basic questions and she was confused why the antibiotics were not working. She said let's have a look at you then, took one look and said she was going to find a consultant because "my darling girl that's really not right down there"

Turns out I needed urgent surgery as my tear hadn't healed properly and was covered in granulated tissue and therefore would never heal on it's own. They also said there was a bridge of tissue in my vagina, which if I had tried to have sex would have been incredibly painful, I effectively had two vagina holes and a gaping hole in my perineum.

Three weeks later I have had the surgery and on day 4 of recovery. Very sore again and feel like I'm starting from the beginning.

Sorry it's not a happy outcome, but hopefully this is the beginning of the end for me.

My mental health as been tested and pulled in every direction. I am pissed off it's happened to me and hate everyone who doesn't understand what I have gone through. But you do just had to get on with it.

I am angry that the GP didn't pick up on it on my multiple visits, Just kept giving me antibiotics and expecting me to get on with it. I'm really grateful I had that physio appointment. Honestly it was a bit of a relief to find out that something was actually wrong because I just couldn't understand why I was still struggling, and trying to put a brave face on.

They have estimated a 8 week recovery so I'm taking it easy, easier than I did when I had the tear which is dumb but now I understand I was too hard on myself for wanting to bounce back like all the other mums. But I worked out, none of them went through what I did!

Sorry this is long! If anyone reads this, let me know how your doing? Better than I I really hope?? @Lilaclady9 @AnxiousFTM
Xxxx

[Pb19]

I had a 3c tear with my eldest almost 8 years ago now, and would echo what others have said before; that the effect on mental as well as physical health is just as important.
Unfortunately I tried to bury my head in the sand about how much it was all affecting me, and it ended up taking me a long time to get over it all.
I would agree to get whatever help is available in terms of appointments to check how you are healing, and physio etc and not to try to do too much too soon. Try not to compare yourself and your recovery to others, everyone is different and your body has been through an awful lot.
I did go on to have another baby (!) although it took me 4 years to feel ready! I had a planned C-section on consultants advice and it was the best decision for me, everything went smoothly and I was able to enjoy the newborn days much more.

[AnxiousFTM]

@febbb thanks, your post is really helpful and reassuring to know it does get better, as your tear hasn’t fully healed do you still have any effects from this or do you feel totally normal now? Mine was a 3a tear.

I’m hoping that I will soon get my consultant referral through so I have that to aim for, although no one has even checked my stitches yet, am wondering if I should book in with my GP to be on the safe side? Its been 2 weeks now, feeling quite sore and stingy today and still getting a pain in my bladder when I stand up, and an urgency with wind/number 2.

[febbb]

@AnxiousFTM
I was automatically made appointments due to my tear. Do you know what category your tear is?
Honestly, as a first time mum as well with a new born baby I felt like there was A LOT of appointments. In total I would say around 6/7 appointments. Most of these were physio appointments. I had many examinations by physio/perineal consultant but was then ref'd to have an ultrasound on my back passage.
They found that my tear hadn't fully healed but because it was only a tiny bit they have decided to leave it and not re operate.
Because of this I will be at high risk of it happening again and therefore will be consultant lead and planned c section next pregnancy. (YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT.... I want another baby it has 100% not put me off).
Mentally.... as I said I cried during each appointment but some of the staff I saw were so lovely and understanding I felt like I had got all my troubles off my chest to them, got the questions I asked answered and my mind put to rest, that I felt I didn't need any further help. They did see how upset I got and offered me further help but I declined. A lot of family members and friends have asked if it's something I want to do but I'm quite an open person and honestly didn't feel like I needed it once I was discharged.
My pregnancy wasn't the best (a lot of stress and hospital trips during pregnancy with extra scans) and I obviously had a traumatic birth then to top it off my 3 days in hospital on the ward were HELL... this does make me nervous for next time and feel I may consider mental help along the way then but right now, I'm just enjoying my baby - which is what I've wanted to do since we got home!!

Again, I've blabbed sorry! But I hope this is helpful?
Thinking about you all 💗 xxx

[Passmethecrisps]

Honestly, @anxiousftm it is the physio and pelvic floor work I should have accepted when it was offered. I was extremely lucky to be in a health authority where this was offered immediately. But for some reason I wasn’t keen on accepting it. These things creep up on you over time and need fixing early doors.

Sorry if I have worried you. Honestly though, it is all fine for me. My life and health is almost completely normal and what isn’t is my own stubbornness. The point I would like to make is that help is usually there but it may need to be pushed for.

[AnxiousFTM]

@febbb thanks for your post, nearly made me cry. Can I ask what tests you ended up having? Did you have many appointments? I’ve been told I’ll have a follow up at 6 weeks and then referred to physio if necessary but not really sure what to expect. Did you get referred to a mental health specialist too or was it help enough speaking to the aftercare team?

@Passmethecrisps sorry you are still having issues 2 years later, do you know what treatment you need to have now to sort things out?

[Lilaclady9]

I agree that the repercussions on your mental as well as physical health is what makes having a 3dt so difficult. I knew having a newborn would be hard, but was so unprepared for having to be so disabled at the same time. And then to add to all that, unfortunately there are people (including my ILS) who don't understand the extent of the trauma and how long the physical recovery is going to be, and keep putting pressure on me to do "normal things" and even talk about having a party so their friends can meet the baby, which is the last thing I need. This makes it more upsetting.
I've requested therapy as I feel I need to talk to someone professional about it... I don't want to end up with PND as a result of what has happened.
Reading everyone's reassuring words and advice is so therapeutic. Thank you

[Passmethecrisps]

I had a third degree with my now two year old.

The poster who said take care of your mental as well as physical health was spot on. It can be such a shock to the system so be kind to yourself.

Everyone has given the advice on practical stuff. I also used cooled witchhazel liquid on pads as well.

Keep up the lactulose and see a doctor if you haven’t passed a motion soon.

In my area any woman with a 3rd was immediately referred to women’s physio. I had to keep a liquid intake and Output diary. I did do it but I confess now I underplayed my reality. I just wanted to get on with things.

Now I have a very weak pelvic floor and and looking the reality of Tena lady in the face. I also have pain during intercourse and bleeding after. I say this not to scare you but to take seriously what has happened and make sure you get the care you need. I genuinely thought almost everyone had third degree tears - no idea why. So I just shrugged my shoulders and got on with everything. Now two years later I am going to need to get the treatment which was offered to me at the time

Sorry - I hope that wasn’t too much but I do think women tend to just suck up what they need help with

[febbb]

@AnxiousFTM
I feel that I understand you 100%.
I felt I had failed and not done what I was suppose to do but honestly, as time goes by and after your aftercare you will understand that it was something that will either happen or it won't. I do think the midwife is really out of order for saying that and making you feel like that!

If you are feeling scared or worried about your future, you really should speak to somebody. I waited until my aftercare appointments and cried at almost every appointment as I was scared, fear of the unknown, and really worried about my future!

My baby is 7months old now and I have been discharged after multiple tests to see how much damage was caused. I am really lucky and only needed a few physio appointments after, but mentally I NEEDED to speak to someone. And that's ok... that's what they are there for! I'm no less of a person/mum for talking to someone about my feelings!

Sorry for babbling on, but I hope this has put your mind at rest somehow xxx

[AnxiousFTM]

Just to say I’m in the same boat and had a 3a tear with my first baby 12 days ago. Have literally felt like I’ve been hit by a bus but finally managed to get out for a short walk yesterday. To be honest I still feel very sore and feel very upset that I’m not feeling better than I do by now, DH is back at work tomorrow which I’m dreading as everything feels like a struggle right now.

Although I can feel that the swelling is starting to go down (although when I tried to look down there it is still too swollen to fully see the damage!) I am still getting pain when I go for a wee and when I need a number 2 I have to go and can’t really hold on for long, and when I stand up from sitting it feels like everything is dropping out of me. I’ve been crying to DH that I will be this way forever and scared that we won’t ever be able to enjoy ‘normal things’ again like sex, long walks etc. Also feel very traumatised by it all, and thinking I could have avoided it especially as the midwife kept telling me I wasn’t pushing properly and needed to try harder rather than just giving up

[timeisnotaline]

I remember my 3b very well. Take care of yourself- don’t walk if it’s uncomfortable. Fibre sachets, and I did lactulose but actually discovered prefer a glass of prune juice daily- less wind. If you are very blocked up, get a suppository to clear it out. Fruit veggies and fibre, and if your iron is low, steak , broccoli and spatone sachets (because iron tablets are constipating). Wet and freeze pads to sit on.
The physio said I could go on proper walks at 10 weeks. It is worth getting a women’s health physio after 6-8 weeks to check on your muscle recovery and make sure you know how to do pelvic floor exercises, for recovery and future health.

[IrishMamaMia]

Just to chime in and say I had a 3b one 2.5 years ago after a very difficult forceps and I've made a full recovery.
I found the nature of the injury quite traumatic and upsetting. As others have said take it easy and take your stool softeners. My pain settled down by about 4 weeks and I had some issues with constipation for awhile.
I avoided lifting anything heavy and rested lots until about 3mths post partum. I waited until then to have sex and exercise too, I know that's a long time but I just wanted to be sure. Use the squeezie NHS app and consider investing in an Elvie to exercise the area.
By about 6 months I felt fully recovered physically and great. My gynae team did give me the option to have internal examinations done on the scarring. I took them up on this. It's unpleasant but I'm glad I did it.
I'm pregnant again and haven't had any issues with the area but am planning a c-section this time as I don't want to tear again.

[Lilaclady9]

Nicecup - thank you so much for your reassuring words. It's good to hear about others having similar experiences. DS is 6 days old now, maybe in a week I can try a hobble down the street with DH!

OP - good luck with the recovery and congrats on your baby's arrival. Hopefully it helps to know that others have gone through the same thing and recovered well.

[Nicecupofcoco]

@Lilaclady9 sorry forgot to add, we did the first short walk when ds was about ten days old! X

[Nicecupofcoco]

@Lilaclady9 things will improve. I remember I took ds a walk in his pram, well actually, dh took ds a walk in his pram and I sort of hobbled along side. We literally walked to the end of the street and back, and I remember being in pain and finding it tough. I'd just suggest do what you can little and often when you feel able too. Even if like me you only manage down the street and back.
Don't push yourself too much though, you'll know what your comfortable with.
I didn't drive for almost six weeks afterwards, but I did have pph and lost alot of blood so kept having dizzy spells, so driving wouldn't have been wise for me! Again don't rush to do it all, you'll feel ready when your ready. Take it easy.

[Nicecupofcoco]

Hi op, i had a third degree tear, and I found it very sore to sit down for the first 6-8 weeks I'd say. But it does become easier with each week that passes. Just take things steady if you can.
Are you taking any fibre gel? The hospital provided them for me after my tear, and just helped when going to the toilet, kept things soft! Sorry if tmi! I continued to take one a day while at home too.
Things will improve op, i remember getting to 4weeks pp and crying as I thought I'd never heal and I'd always be in pain, but you do heal. It just takes time.
Congratulations on new baby!

[Lilaclady9]

Sorry to hijack. Only just found and joined this thread. Thank you all for the advice to OP which is really useful to me too - my baby was born on 2nd Sept and I have a 3dt too. Feeling really upset as we rather naively practised hypnobirthing, thinking we had some control over our birth and of course it turned out to be unpredictable and completely uncontrollable. But so grateful for our beautiful baby boy.
I'm sorry if someone has posted about this and I missed it, but when did others start being able to walk again normally and unassisted? My biggest goal at the moment is just being able to take my baby for a lap around the park and it seems so far away. Hubby goes back to work in a week and at the moment I can barely do anything without him, and certainly can't look after baby without him. How many weeks did it take for others to recover enough to at least leave the house/drive?

[Buddytheelf85]

How are you OP? Hope you’re feeling a bit better.

[QueefLatifah]

Cry all you need to and please speak to someone. It’s very hard and recovery can take a while (mentally , even longer)
Be kind to yourself

(4th degree tear here)

[SpadesOfGlory]

I had a 3b tear after vacuum and a super quick labour, also 2.5hours stitching in theatre and lost 2L blood. My baby is 5 months now and honestly I feel totally back to normal, so it does and will get better for you!
Were you discharged with any painkillers? I had diclofenac for the first 2 weeks and can't say I ever felt any serious pain. The only thing I felt was pressure from the most horrific piles (just take all the lactulose for as long as you need to, there's no harm in it) they took about a month to fully go. The stitches will feel itchy and tight and this just means they're healing. I had mine checked 2 weeks after by midwife and she said everything was healing really well.
Keep hydrated and get a referral to woman's health physio - to check your pelvic floor and give you exercises to do.
For weeks after I had an achy feeling where my tear was if I did too much walking, so just take it easy.

Your body has been through a lot, it takes longer than a lot of people think to recover so just accept whatever help you're offerred round the house and sit on the sofa and cuddle your squishy newborn

[Mummyme87]

I had a 3B with my second (first emergency CS). really struggled with pain but had lavender baths, ibuprofen for weeks and lots of fluid.
I saw perineal consultant at 12weeks and my pelvic floor needed (and still does) need some work, had a mild prolapse also. Took 4months for all sutures to dissolve which wasn’t nice as could feel one poking out.

It’s does get better, a midwife and knew all about these tears but until you have one you can’t ono how bad they are.

[DragonOnFire]

Yes go easy on yourself, and be patient. It surprised me how little aftercare there was for me as a patient myself -once discharged from the birth ward it was pretty much all about the baby. Even my 6-week check focused on baby and nobody checked me & my wound.
I think this made me think I should be able to just get on with it, and I pushed myself. In reality I'd had a significant injury that I wasn't paying attention to.
So take your time, and be patient while your body heals, it's been through a lot. And know that there are many other women that have been through it too.
If ever there was a time to feel sorry for yourself, this would be it!