3rd degree tear

[SullyWifey]

Hi ladies,

2 weeks 2 days since ventouse delivery involving episiotomy and 3b degree tear. 3 hours in theatre putting me back together!

I am still in a lot of discomfort and now the main pain has moved to my bottom and haven't managed to poop for few days. Which is worrying. Don't know if I have over done it and done something?!

Anyone care to share their experience as to healing process or when things will get better?

[userabcname]

Hi OP, I had a 3dt a couple of years ago. It took a while to feel better. I was still in a lot of pain at 4 weeks pp. Lavender oil baths helped and taking regular paracetamol/ibuprofen. I also bought a cooling gel cushion thing off amazon for people with hemorrhoids and sat on that as it was comfier. Hopefully you'll start feeling some improvement soon - it is a tough recovery in my experience.

[JohnLapsleyParlabane]

I had similar with my 2nd. He's now 5 months. You need to drink as much water as you can, consider taking a stool softener such as lactulose, and eat Weetabix or similar to keep the stools soft.
When's your episiotomy review? Mine was at 4wks and 5months.
Also, do as many pelvic floor exercises as you can.

[febbb]

Hey! 3b tear also(natural tear no epi).
I was very sore for about 2months. My main advice would be to drink plenty of water, eat porridge (make me go to the loo) and take all your meds they give you for a month(softeners)! I would also say go to all your aftercare appointment as it's really important that you have healed correctly.
I think they would be more concerned if you were pooing when you weren't meant to - this would mean you have muscle damaged around your bum. So the fact that you haven't isn't the worst news? Hope this helps 🙂

[SullyWifey]

Thanks ladies.

So I need to drink more water, keep up with the pain pills and my lactolose (which I stopped because I thought I was fine 🙄)

My aftercare appointment isn't until 8th October so will be 8 weeks pp!

I had a look down there and was surprised at how different it looked, I know that sounds stupid but hoping it heals back to what I was before, even just a small resemblance would be nice!!

[febbb]

Bless you. I did the same (stopped the medicine but realised what a silly mistake it was lol).
To be honest I found the whole recovery more of a strain on my mental health than my physical health. I don't want to scare you maybe just to tell you you're not alone? Hope you have a speedy recovery (ALSO I don't think anyone's floo looks the same after a baby, tear or no tear. So try not to overthink that bit lol).
Sending love and healing thoughts xxx

[SullyWifey]

@febbb glad you said about the mental health part. Today has been the first day I haven't cried! Really struggled with coming to terms with it, especially as the end of my labour was a little traumatic (I had no pain relief so very much remember the pain, even though everyone says you forget it, I can't!) I was being really hard on myself expecting I should be bouncing back etc. Not walking around like an old man a week on! But I think hormones are settling and I'm reminding myself I need to be kind to myself! Unless you have had a 3dt I think it's hard to understand the recovery! Thanks for the kind words xx

[febbb]

Just remember it's not forever. I don't think the appointments afterwards help.. they were making me feel ill (even though I wasn't). I don't think it helps that people who have suffered a bad tear never really talk about it so I wasn't fully aware of it being a possibility of it happening and what happens when it does. I have finally been discharged (6months later) after multiple tests & physio as it's shown I haven't fully healed but tear so small it would be more intrusive to re-do.
C section next time but honestly I'd rather as I don't think I could mentally go through all this again! I have no pain and can do everything I used to do with no issues!

It's not forever and enjoy your baby! They make all the pain and shitty thoughts go away xx

[Buddytheelf85]

Hi OP. I’m less than 4 weeks on from a 3rd degree tear, so I can’t talk much about recovery (although I will say that I experienced a significant reduction in pain around the three week mark, but I’m still sore). I’m feeling a lot of heaviness in my vagina which makes me wonder if I have a prolapse, but time will tell.
Anyway I just wanted to say - you aren’t alone, and this is shit. I cried daily for the first 3 weeks, and I still feel so angry and let down and worried about the future!

[DragonOnFire]

Congratulations on your new baby OP. Hope you're enjoying life as a new mum.
Sorry to hear you are still feeling discomfort but don't worry it does get better, but it does take longer than you might have been prepared for. I'm now nearly 6 months post partum and still remember the shock of how painful my episiotomy recovery was.
Your body had been through a lot, so this is certainly a time to take it easy and take care of yourself. Looking back I wish I'd understood that. It will take longer to heal than you think so give it time (I was previously very sporty but at 6 weeks I was still very sore and could feel the episiotomy when trying to return to running- I stopped that and can now say starting again at 5 months pp I felt much better!).
Focus on resting yourself when you can and make sure you keep your wound clean (mine became infected after 10days!). I also cried most days after giving birth, and yes it was those baby blues that everyone warns you about, but thinking about/feeling my episiotomy wound always set me off. Sending lots of virtual cups of tea & hugs.

[SullyWifey]

Honestly thanks for all being so lovely and positive. I have got to be easier on myself as it sounds like it's going to take time to heal.

The tears keep coming and it is usually the pain that sets me off. Suppose there's nothing wrong with feeling sorry for myself for a while!

Just can't ever imagine feeling normal again! But your comments reassure me and I will xxx

[DragonOnFire]

Yes go easy on yourself, and be patient. It surprised me how little aftercare there was for me as a patient myself -once discharged from the birth ward it was pretty much all about the baby. Even my 6-week check focused on baby and nobody checked me & my wound.
I think this made me think I should be able to just get on with it, and I pushed myself. In reality I'd had a significant injury that I wasn't paying attention to.
So take your time, and be patient while your body heals, it's been through a lot. And know that there are many other women that have been through it too.
If ever there was a time to feel sorry for yourself, this would be it!

[Mummyme87]

I had a 3B with my second (first emergency CS). really struggled with pain but had lavender baths, ibuprofen for weeks and lots of fluid.
I saw perineal consultant at 12weeks and my pelvic floor needed (and still does) need some work, had a mild prolapse also. Took 4months for all sutures to dissolve which wasn’t nice as could feel one poking out.

It’s does get better, a midwife and knew all about these tears but until you have one you can’t ono how bad they are.

[SpadesOfGlory]

I had a 3b tear after vacuum and a super quick labour, also 2.5hours stitching in theatre and lost 2L blood. My baby is 5 months now and honestly I feel totally back to normal, so it does and will get better for you!
Were you discharged with any painkillers? I had diclofenac for the first 2 weeks and can't say I ever felt any serious pain. The only thing I felt was pressure from the most horrific piles (just take all the lactulose for as long as you need to, there's no harm in it) they took about a month to fully go. The stitches will feel itchy and tight and this just means they're healing. I had mine checked 2 weeks after by midwife and she said everything was healing really well.
Keep hydrated and get a referral to woman's health physio - to check your pelvic floor and give you exercises to do.
For weeks after I had an achy feeling where my tear was if I did too much walking, so just take it easy.

Your body has been through a lot, it takes longer than a lot of people think to recover so just accept whatever help you're offerred round the house and sit on the sofa and cuddle your squishy newborn

[QueefLatifah]

Cry all you need to and please speak to someone. It’s very hard and recovery can take a while (mentally , even longer)
Be kind to yourself

(4th degree tear here)

[Buddytheelf85]

How are you OP? Hope you’re feeling a bit better.

[Lilaclady9]

Sorry to hijack. Only just found and joined this thread. Thank you all for the advice to OP which is really useful to me too - my baby was born on 2nd Sept and I have a 3dt too. Feeling really upset as we rather naively practised hypnobirthing, thinking we had some control over our birth and of course it turned out to be unpredictable and completely uncontrollable. But so grateful for our beautiful baby boy.
I'm sorry if someone has posted about this and I missed it, but when did others start being able to walk again normally and unassisted? My biggest goal at the moment is just being able to take my baby for a lap around the park and it seems so far away. Hubby goes back to work in a week and at the moment I can barely do anything without him, and certainly can't look after baby without him. How many weeks did it take for others to recover enough to at least leave the house/drive?

[Nicecupofcoco]

Hi op, i had a third degree tear, and I found it very sore to sit down for the first 6-8 weeks I'd say. But it does become easier with each week that passes. Just take things steady if you can.
Are you taking any fibre gel? The hospital provided them for me after my tear, and just helped when going to the toilet, kept things soft! Sorry if tmi! I continued to take one a day while at home too.
Things will improve op, i remember getting to 4weeks pp and crying as I thought I'd never heal and I'd always be in pain, but you do heal. It just takes time.
Congratulations on new baby!

[Nicecupofcoco]

@Lilaclady9 things will improve. I remember I took ds a walk in his pram, well actually, dh took ds a walk in his pram and I sort of hobbled along side. We literally walked to the end of the street and back, and I remember being in pain and finding it tough. I'd just suggest do what you can little and often when you feel able too. Even if like me you only manage down the street and back.
Don't push yourself too much though, you'll know what your comfortable with.
I didn't drive for almost six weeks afterwards, but I did have pph and lost alot of blood so kept having dizzy spells, so driving wouldn't have been wise for me! Again don't rush to do it all, you'll feel ready when your ready. Take it easy.

[Nicecupofcoco]

@Lilaclady9 sorry forgot to add, we did the first short walk when ds was about ten days old! X

[Lilaclady9]

Nicecup - thank you so much for your reassuring words. It's good to hear about others having similar experiences. DS is 6 days old now, maybe in a week I can try a hobble down the street with DH!

OP - good luck with the recovery and congrats on your baby's arrival. Hopefully it helps to know that others have gone through the same thing and recovered well.

[IrishMamaMia]

Just to chime in and say I had a 3b one 2.5 years ago after a very difficult forceps and I've made a full recovery.
I found the nature of the injury quite traumatic and upsetting. As others have said take it easy and take your stool softeners. My pain settled down by about 4 weeks and I had some issues with constipation for awhile.
I avoided lifting anything heavy and rested lots until about 3mths post partum. I waited until then to have sex and exercise too, I know that's a long time but I just wanted to be sure. Use the squeezie NHS app and consider investing in an Elvie to exercise the area.
By about 6 months I felt fully recovered physically and great. My gynae team did give me the option to have internal examinations done on the scarring. I took them up on this. It's unpleasant but I'm glad I did it.
I'm pregnant again and haven't had any issues with the area but am planning a c-section this time as I don't want to tear again.

[timeisnotaline]

I remember my 3b very well. Take care of yourself- don’t walk if it’s uncomfortable. Fibre sachets, and I did lactulose but actually discovered prefer a glass of prune juice daily- less wind. If you are very blocked up, get a suppository to clear it out. Fruit veggies and fibre, and if your iron is low, steak , broccoli and spatone sachets (because iron tablets are constipating). Wet and freeze pads to sit on.
The physio said I could go on proper walks at 10 weeks. It is worth getting a women’s health physio after 6-8 weeks to check on your muscle recovery and make sure you know how to do pelvic floor exercises, for recovery and future health.

[AnxiousFTM]

Just to say I’m in the same boat and had a 3a tear with my first baby 12 days ago. Have literally felt like I’ve been hit by a bus but finally managed to get out for a short walk yesterday. To be honest I still feel very sore and feel very upset that I’m not feeling better than I do by now, DH is back at work tomorrow which I’m dreading as everything feels like a struggle right now.

Although I can feel that the swelling is starting to go down (although when I tried to look down there it is still too swollen to fully see the damage!) I am still getting pain when I go for a wee and when I need a number 2 I have to go and can’t really hold on for long, and when I stand up from sitting it feels like everything is dropping out of me. I’ve been crying to DH that I will be this way forever and scared that we won’t ever be able to enjoy ‘normal things’ again like sex, long walks etc. Also feel very traumatised by it all, and thinking I could have avoided it especially as the midwife kept telling me I wasn’t pushing properly and needed to try harder rather than just giving up

[febbb]

@AnxiousFTM
I feel that I understand you 100%.
I felt I had failed and not done what I was suppose to do but honestly, as time goes by and after your aftercare you will understand that it was something that will either happen or it won't. I do think the midwife is really out of order for saying that and making you feel like that!

If you are feeling scared or worried about your future, you really should speak to somebody. I waited until my aftercare appointments and cried at almost every appointment as I was scared, fear of the unknown, and really worried about my future!

My baby is 7months old now and I have been discharged after multiple tests to see how much damage was caused. I am really lucky and only needed a few physio appointments after, but mentally I NEEDED to speak to someone. And that's ok... that's what they are there for! I'm no less of a person/mum for talking to someone about my feelings!

Sorry for babbling on, but I hope this has put your mind at rest somehow xxx

[Passmethecrisps]

I had a third degree with my now two year old.

The poster who said take care of your mental as well as physical health was spot on. It can be such a shock to the system so be kind to yourself.

Everyone has given the advice on practical stuff. I also used cooled witchhazel liquid on pads as well.

Keep up the lactulose and see a doctor if you haven’t passed a motion soon.

In my area any woman with a 3rd was immediately referred to women’s physio. I had to keep a liquid intake and Output diary. I did do it but I confess now I underplayed my reality. I just wanted to get on with things.

Now I have a very weak pelvic floor and and looking the reality of Tena lady in the face. I also have pain during intercourse and bleeding after. I say this not to scare you but to take seriously what has happened and make sure you get the care you need. I genuinely thought almost everyone had third degree tears - no idea why. So I just shrugged my shoulders and got on with everything. Now two years later I am going to need to get the treatment which was offered to me at the time

Sorry - I hope that wasn’t too much but I do think women tend to just suck up what they need help with