dd1 is being bullied and she refuses to tell the teacher :-(

[nailpolish]

its a long story
the other girls in her class are calling her names and ignoring her when she goes to play with the crowd at playtime
dd1 reacts by shouting "you are horrible" and then storming off
the girls then tell the teacher my dd is being mean to them
i spoke to the teacher this morning as dd1 told me everything last night
i said "she is reacting in that way because the other girls are calling her names"
the teacher then gave my dd into trouble for not coming to her instead
yes she should be telling the teacher and i have to remind her ofthis daily

[HSMM]

My DD was bullied in Year 1. We had no support from teacher or head teacher. DD got into more trouble than the bullies by all accounts. I even went on a parenting course on how to deal with bullying. In Year 2 she was at a different school ... and much happier.

[Gorionine]

I am pleased to hear that she is much hapier in her new school HSMM!

[milou2]

Sounds as if the teacher is putting the responsibility onto your daughter rather than taking any responsibility as an adult to be sufficiently approachable, trustworthy and kind. She should be shocked and embarrassed that this has been happening between girls in her charge. I'm cross for you.

Feeling put down by the teacher youself suggests a lot about how that teacher relates to adults, let alone children.

[nailpolish]

thanks milou

i completely agree with what you said
that is exactly how i feel

[nailpolish]

metatron
what is it with you and dh and cars
hope you areok

[Quadrophenia]

naily i could have written your post, honestly my dd is in exactly the same position. Everytime she tells a teacher she ends up getting into trouble herself and meanwhile the other girls continue with their often physiacl and verbal agression. She feels completely unable to approach the teacher as she feels nothing will be done about it, recently a lunch time supervisor tried to sort it out which involved the other two girls shouting at my dd and my dd crying. I constantly feel exasperated and have approached the school but am always treated with disdain. I have taken to bringing my children home from school at lunchtime as much as i can as i feel the school are unable to look after their pastoral care and i'm worried how this may shape the way they build relationships in the future.

[nailpolish]

oh no Quad
how old is your dd?
does she have any friends?

[Quadrophenia]

she nearly nine, she does have friends but these two particular girls are her 'best friends' but basically only want her to play with them so they can be mean to her.

[nailpolish]

why are girls so mean to each other?

[Quadrophenia]

it is just so incredibly sad. i have tqwo boys aswell and never any problems like this ever.

[nailpolish]

some times i really wish i had 2 boys instead of 2 girls

[muppetgirl]

back again, glad some of my post helped. I have taught yr 3 and yr4 and have noticed that this is a very 'itchy scratchy' couple of years where they are no longer infants and are finding their own independence and this includes friendships. As they aren't infants you can't just tell them to go and play with each other (and they do) I think a lot of PSHE is needed in these years to help the children learn how to get on with people you like but also how to get on with people you don't as this is a life skill. Also lessons in how to stick up for yourself as those that are bullied can seem to have a personality transplant in that they can become very awkward and not easy to get on with (not saying your daughter is like that at all) my brother became like this as he didn't trust anyone, he's still like this and he's 35.

[nailpolish]

"they can become very awkward and not easy to get on with"

YES
my dd is like this

[muppetgirl]

I really didn't mean it as a criticism xx

Just that teacher's need to be aware of sudden personality changes.

My brother is still a very 'awkward' character now but has a heart of gold when he gets to know you.

[expatinscotland]

'some times i really wish i had 2 boys instead of 2 girls '

i sometimes feel the same, naily!

[muppetgirl]

Yes, girls can be quite evil to each other whereas boys tend to get annoyed, maybe fight but then slap each other on the back and then carry on as if nothing's happened. Girls bear grudges for ever

I have 2 boys (dc not know yet! as prgt)

[FimboRabbieBurns]

Do they have friendship stops or playground buddies at the school NP?

[nailpolish]

muppet its ok i didnt take it as a critisism!

fimbo yes they do. but no one pays attention to it

[nailpolish]

they had playground buddies in p1 - p7 were the buddies
but not in p2 which is where dd1 is

[Lizzylou]

Oh Naily, your poor DD.

I do have 2 DS's and DS1 is in reception, he sometimes comes home sayng he doesn't have any friends , or that his "friends" were playing hide and seek and hid from him for ages laughing, not letting him "find" them. It's normally just a day though, not all the time.

I do think you need to go the Head.
Hope you get it sorted.

[FimboRabbieBurns]

That's a shame NP, they really take it seriously at dd's school and ds's school (separate schools!).

[nailpolish]

i know, it is a shame fimbo
ther are clearly defined friendship stops with benches

goodness knows what the supervisors are doing when all this is happeneing

its not exactly a big playgroud with hundreds of children

our house overlooks the playground and i usually see dd1 just wandering around on herown

[nailpolish]

these girls go to rainbows
i am very proud of dd - when i was her age i would have avoided going but she says she wants to go she doesnt care if they are there or not

[hurf]

Tell her that you used to tell your school teacher or that you would if that happened to you. Also ask your child what she thinks she should do to stop it all you would be surprised at the answers, some not good and some good choices, compliment her on the good choices.Find what the reasons for the others not letting her play maybe they have some reasons too.If you know the childrens Mums maybe you could have a bit of a chat outside school. Explain to your child that sometimes some children need to expand their friends and have time one on one and she will want this one day or maybe she does on some days let her see the difference.Tell her she is a wonderful person and that she can make many other friends at school.hmm

[Lemontart]

just checking in to see how your DD is doing this weekend nailpolish. Unfortunately I cannot see page 3 of 3 of the thread so not sure if you have posted. Grr - why can I not jump to the final page?!?
Still, wanted to pass on that I am thinking of you both. I did read your post at 14:33 yesterday about you being proud of her still going to Rainbows. Good on her! Sounds like she is a fighter in her own way. Does notmean this is not worth acting on but at the same time, carry round the knowledge that DD is not being squashed totally -she is defying them in her own way

Have a great weekend x