dd1 is being bullied and she refuses to tell the teacher :-(

[nailpolish]

its a long story
the other girls in her class are calling her names and ignoring her when she goes to play with the crowd at playtime
dd1 reacts by shouting "you are horrible" and then storming off
the girls then tell the teacher my dd is being mean to them
i spoke to the teacher this morning as dd1 told me everything last night
i said "she is reacting in that way because the other girls are calling her names"
the teacher then gave my dd into trouble for not coming to her instead
yes she should be telling the teacher and i have to remind her ofthis daily

[humantoo]

Dear nailpolish, I really sympathise with your situation. I came onto mumsnet this afternoon because my DD is being badly treated at school, so I know just how worrying it can be. That said: 'teachers often ahve their favourites dont they
usually they pretty ones' REALLY? I am a teacher too! Some of us are parents as well as teachers you know. While I don't defend anything the teacher may have done, PLEASE don't make sweeping statements like this! Nor have I 'spoken to an adult as if they were 5.' One bad apple and all that.
P.S. I have two DDs too and have NEVER wished for them to be anything other than they are!

[GooseyLoosey]

Ds had been a victim of similar stuff and is always the one who gets into trouble as he is large and loud (and gentle and kind - but they don't see that).

Ds (5) had to learn that if he retalliates, he is seen as agressive so we talked about the comments saying more about the children concerned that they do about him. They are also looking for a reaction and the more he appeared hurt, the more they will do it.

Now if a child says to him "You're not coming to my party" (or similar), ds will (hopefully) respond "Is that supposed to bother me?" and walk off. The other children can repeat this verbatim to a teacher, but there is nothing which ds ahs said which is horrible.

[nailpolish]

she tried tae kwon do or whatever its called at school and didnt like it
i might mention it to her again tho as that was about a year ago
thanks
she went to school fine this morning after initailly saying she felt sick and didnt want to go
but she stormed off in a huff when i started to try to persuade her to go
when she does tha t i just leave her to have a think and she appeared inher uniform 5 mins later

sigh

[nailpolish]

omg i tell her all the time how gorgeous and smart and funny she is. and how proud i am of her

at rainbows one of the other mothers came over and asked me what had been going on. she is a really nice woman and we are quite good friends so i just told her. we had a really good chat and we are going to try to sort things out between us. her dd has been in trouble in other ways apart from this and i feel sorry for her a bit.

we see eye to eye on parenting stuff so that is a relief.

dd got on ok at rainbows than k goodness

she has already started saying she doesnt want to go to school tomorrow and i have been dreading that but im sure itll be ok in the morning

thanks to all who are concerned

[hurf]

adding to my message. Also raise your childs self-esteem, everyday tell her how proud you are of her, as this tends to sway of people bullying, higher her self esteem the better it will become. And as another messenger said go straight to the head teacher if these things dont work, your child needs to feel secure at school its her right and yours as a parent.good luck.

[Lemontart]

just checking in to see how your DD is doing this weekend nailpolish. Unfortunately I cannot see page 3 of 3 of the thread so not sure if you have posted. Grr - why can I not jump to the final page?!?
Still, wanted to pass on that I am thinking of you both. I did read your post at 14:33 yesterday about you being proud of her still going to Rainbows. Good on her! Sounds like she is a fighter in her own way. Does notmean this is not worth acting on but at the same time, carry round the knowledge that DD is not being squashed totally -she is defying them in her own way

Have a great weekend x

[hurf]

Tell her that you used to tell your school teacher or that you would if that happened to you. Also ask your child what she thinks she should do to stop it all you would be surprised at the answers, some not good and some good choices, compliment her on the good choices.Find what the reasons for the others not letting her play maybe they have some reasons too.If you know the childrens Mums maybe you could have a bit of a chat outside school. Explain to your child that sometimes some children need to expand their friends and have time one on one and she will want this one day or maybe she does on some days let her see the difference.Tell her she is a wonderful person and that she can make many other friends at school.hmm

[nailpolish]

these girls go to rainbows
i am very proud of dd - when i was her age i would have avoided going but she says she wants to go she doesnt care if they are there or not

[nailpolish]

i know, it is a shame fimbo
ther are clearly defined friendship stops with benches

goodness knows what the supervisors are doing when all this is happeneing

its not exactly a big playgroud with hundreds of children

our house overlooks the playground and i usually see dd1 just wandering around on herown

[FimboRabbieBurns]

That's a shame NP, they really take it seriously at dd's school and ds's school (separate schools!).

[Lizzylou]

Oh Naily, your poor DD.

I do have 2 DS's and DS1 is in reception, he sometimes comes home sayng he doesn't have any friends , or that his "friends" were playing hide and seek and hid from him for ages laughing, not letting him "find" them. It's normally just a day though, not all the time.

I do think you need to go the Head.
Hope you get it sorted.

[nailpolish]

they had playground buddies in p1 - p7 were the buddies
but not in p2 which is where dd1 is

[nailpolish]

muppet its ok i didnt take it as a critisism!

fimbo yes they do. but no one pays attention to it

[FimboRabbieBurns]

Do they have friendship stops or playground buddies at the school NP?

[muppetgirl]

Yes, girls can be quite evil to each other whereas boys tend to get annoyed, maybe fight but then slap each other on the back and then carry on as if nothing's happened. Girls bear grudges for ever

I have 2 boys (dc not know yet! as prgt)

[expatinscotland]

'some times i really wish i had 2 boys instead of 2 girls '

i sometimes feel the same, naily!

[muppetgirl]

I really didn't mean it as a criticism xx

Just that teacher's need to be aware of sudden personality changes.

My brother is still a very 'awkward' character now but has a heart of gold when he gets to know you.

[nailpolish]

"they can become very awkward and not easy to get on with"

YES
my dd is like this

[muppetgirl]

back again, glad some of my post helped. I have taught yr 3 and yr4 and have noticed that this is a very 'itchy scratchy' couple of years where they are no longer infants and are finding their own independence and this includes friendships. As they aren't infants you can't just tell them to go and play with each other (and they do) I think a lot of PSHE is needed in these years to help the children learn how to get on with people you like but also how to get on with people you don't as this is a life skill. Also lessons in how to stick up for yourself as those that are bullied can seem to have a personality transplant in that they can become very awkward and not easy to get on with (not saying your daughter is like that at all) my brother became like this as he didn't trust anyone, he's still like this and he's 35.

[nailpolish]

some times i really wish i had 2 boys instead of 2 girls

[Quadrophenia]

it is just so incredibly sad. i have tqwo boys aswell and never any problems like this ever.

[nailpolish]

why are girls so mean to each other?

[Quadrophenia]

she nearly nine, she does have friends but these two particular girls are her 'best friends' but basically only want her to play with them so they can be mean to her.

[nailpolish]

oh no Quad
how old is your dd?
does she have any friends?